Should 4-5 year olds or younger know about money etc

[kifchanetta]

I've met this mum through school who is pretty judgemental towards others.

She said she didn't want her child hanging around one of the other kids, because the dad pretended to be a dragon once at a kids party and was chasing the kids around. She thought that was stupid...

Anyway, she really does think her parenting is pretty amazing. She tries to lecture me a bit sometimes about parenting and what I should and shouldn't do.

I'm a very respectful person and would never talk that way about anyone or overstep with others. I find it hard to assert myself in situations when someone is clearly overstepping with me and people just keep going until I either blow up or just avoid them altogether. Not all people are like this mum though and overstep, most people are polite and respectful towards me. Occasionally I come across these overstepping types that think they know everything better, unfortunately.

One thing I noticed is that she is really proud of herself for instilling an amazing work ethic in her child from 3,4,5 years of age. Telling her child they don't have money for XYZ toy or holiday etc.

She also does this bit with her child where she goes ' what do we need to do to get nice things ? ' and the child goes ' work ' and she goes, what do we get when we work, and the child goes ' money '.. she seems really proud of herself for his little skit. She tried to do it on my child and my child just didn't get it and again, it seemed to be something she got all up on her high horse about- how kids need to know about the value of money etc etc.

My child is 4. I haven't discussed money with her really to a great degree. I've explained that we need money to buy things and that her dad and I work to buy things we need for our family. That's about it. I don't think she should be worrying about us not having money and things like that yet. She's so young. I grew up, always worrying about not having enough money and my parents arguing over money from a young age and I don't want my children to worry about this stuff.

Anyway, what does everyone think ? Am I not bringing my children up to work hard ? I will introduce the notion of working for pocket money and the likes, when they get a bit older. But I don't think at 4 they need to be worrying about whether we have money or not.

It doesn’t sound like her child is worrying about money. She’s instilling in them a sense of having a work ethic. That’s only a good thing surely? Otherwise you’d be raising a spoiled child who thinks money grows on trees.

Children at that age can't really grasp the concept of money value so no.

Also stop being friends with her she sounds like a twat.

I don’t think it hurts to educate children age appropriately as they grow that money isn’t magic. Especially as it’s more digital and card based nowadays some children won’t see much of actual money. Children do need to understand how we get money and that everything costs money.

Though op your friend sounds annoying tbh

Hmmmm DS is 5 and never worries about money as in, we can't afford stuff. But I do offer him 50p here and there for small chores (outside of his normal ones) so he can buy a Kinder egg when we go to the corner shop - if he doesn't have the cash he won't be getting one 😂

He also knows I work very hard so we can do nice/fun things. I think this is important as we're a single parent household and he might feel hard done by when I need to travel for work/use my laptop in the evenings 🙃 Instead it's 'oh mummy, you're working so we can go on holiday!' Or something along those lines.

She sounds a bit annoying but I think it’s normal to teach small children about the concept of money. I was definitely told from a really young age that “money doesn’t grow on trees” and my parents had to work to earn it. I think most people start with that to build an understanding of why you can’t just have everything you want and why it’s not polite to ask for things all the time. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong by not talking about these things, your kid is 4 and you have plenty of time, but her conversation with her child sounds totally normal to me.

I have said that we work for money etc. I just don't categorically do stuff like say ' no you can't have this toy because I don't have money '. Or ' you can choose to get this toy, or we go on holiday instead. '

Much like sex ed, financial education needs to be drip fed from the start in an age appropriate way. Teaching a child about money - how you get it and having to wait to have enough to buy things is fine.

It doesn't sound like you like her much though so I'd reduce how much time you spend together. You are sensitive about this because of your childhood, the chances are she parents the way she does because of things she learnt too. And all 3/4/5 year olds love to help with chores, regardless of this it normally goes out the window by the teen years.

I’m Nigerian and DH is Indian. We talked about money from the beginning. Teaching them about expense vs worth / what you can and can’t afford / work ethic is important.

I think it's important that children understand the concept of money from a young age. I also have a 4 year old. She understands money comes from working. And she sometimes earns coins for money box by helping out with extra chores. She understands some things are alot of money. She also understands that some people haven't got much money ans that we are lucky that we have enough for what we need and often for what we want.

I learnt about money from a young age. My parents were very transparent about it and their struggles. It helped me as an adult to understand important concepts like interest and savings.

I don't think the way this mum has approached it is optimum though. What happens when this child comes across people who don't have money, is she going to tell them they don't work? I also don't think it should be a huge thing. Just a part of life you discuss as it comes up and are transparent about with your kids.

You can introduce the concept in a less performative way. At that age you can introduce pocket money for chores (taking finished plates to the kitchen, tidying bed etc). They like the independence of being able to spend their money how they want and rapidly learn what is value for money IME.

If you can split the pocket money 60%/30%/10% into spending/saving/charity you can set up some good habits from the start. We used to put a picture of what dc was saving for on the fridge and colour in a bar chart as they saved, to show how close they were to the target. They often diverted some of their spending money into the savings pot to get there quicker.

If you don't like her, why are you spending sufficient time with her to hear all her views on everyone and to witness the rote learning of her child?! Just say hiya in the playground and carry on walking.

So what reasons do you give when you say no to a toy (or whatever) that they want?

What’s wrong with explaining that something is too expensive and that they couldn’t have that toy and go on nice holidays? 4 year olds don’t really understand money and value but those kinds of conversations are how they build that understanding.

This woman may be a prat. However, I don’t think teaching her kids about money in an age-appropriate way is what makes her a prat. I suspect that you may just have got to that point where everything she does annoys you.

What do you say instead? Do you get them whatever they ask for? Or do you come up with another excuse?
I think it's important to educate children about money. I grew up in poverty but I don't remember worrying about money. I wasn't aware of things like my mum skipping meals to feed me and there were never any arguments about money in our house but I did know that we can't always afford everything we want and that we need to work and save in order to have certain items which are more expensive than day to day necessities. Served me very well in life.

How often do you have to see her? More than 20mins a day? It doesn’t sound like you like her very much so I’d just nod and wave and leave it at that. Everyone has a different parenting style, it doesn’t sound like this will affect your style, I’d just let it go. Would you want your parenting style to be judged like you are judging hers?

@kifchanetta You might like to know that dc cover use and values of money in the maths curriculum in y1. I actually think it’s quite a good idea to start linking work and money at this stage. It flows naturally and earlier it has less resonance for most dc.

Maybe I was lucky, but my DC didn’t badger us to to spend money. They seemed happy with what was on offer. They have a strong with ethnic now as young adults and I’m not convinced this work/money link needs to be instilled as early as 4. Y1 is age 5-6 and that’s reasonable.

I think there’s also an issue when parents work hard but don’t earn much and still cannot afford much. What is the narrative then when dc don’t get much, including food? Most dc work out work pays but some work pays better than other types of work. That message might also be useful later on!

I totally get that they need to know that we work for money and it doesn't grow on trees. But I wouldn't tell my child that she can either have you or go on holiday - at this age, for example.

Why can she not have everything she wants ? Because she can't. I don't say it's because I don't have the money. I reward her for good behaviour and she gets treats if she's gathered enough stars and that kind of thing.

I think a lot of you are right, everything this person does annoys me now. But I do want to shield my child a bit. I don't want her worrying about it.

We have a great work ethic and I'm sure I'm not going to mess her up, by not having her do a tasteless skit about money.

I think it's the fact that the other mother is judgemental that is annoying, but in what she's saying I don't think she's wrong. Fundamentally, money is finite and most adults have to choose between toys and holidays at some level, or get into debt. I don't think it's wrong for kids to learn that young, it is a really Important life lesson.

I may be biassed, but the people I know who are in the worst financial straits now, are people who I met in their teens who didn't really 'get' the choosing concept, and it's snowballed. In their 50s they have debt, no savings and no pension, and their future is going to be a lot more stressful than it needed to be.

I understand you wanting to protect your child from financial stress, but you can still teach them to understand you have to prioritise spending. And sooner is better than later. It's not an easy thing to teach a teenager if they don't want to hear it!

I get it, but I think it can wait until they're 6 or 7.

Not something I would do

A bit weird IMO but whatever

I have explained the concept of money to my 3yo but I wouldn't expect her to carry out tasks in order to have things

Reading this I got an image in my head of you and your DH discussing ISAs with your newborn 😁.
I do agree though. Start then young on the concept of saving up to buy things.

They're not going to get into debt at 50 because they weren't taught at 4 to choose a toy or a holiday

IMO doing household work is something everyone should do as we all live there and shouldn't be rewarded

My daughter helps me with folding clothes and tidying, sometimes she "helps" with polishing and cleaning the bathroom. I certainly don't whip out my purse 🤦🏻‍♀️

She sounds like a bit of a knob generally but I also don't think there's anything wrong with talking about money generally with kids that age.

DD1 is 5 and knows that we, like her with her birthday money etc., have to decide what we spend our money on and that we don't have unlimited amounts. She also knows that some people have very little money and can't afford food or toys and that we are fortunate that we don't have to worry about that, but that we still have to make choices and that choosing to spend money on one thing means we might not then have it to spend on something else. If she's asking for a toy for example in a gift shop that's too expensive then I will tell her that it's too much money to spend on this occasion and we will look at the price tags together to find something in budget.

I wouldn't involve her in discussions about money troubles we were having but it's absolutely fine IMO to discuss how money works and model that. DD1 herself chooses to save up the small amounts of money she gets as she knows that X toy is £15, and she needs to have that money to buy it, so she saves up in her piggy bank.

She sounds tiresome about other things but the money thing is fine and normal (although yes unnecessarily performative). I remember from when DD was quite young explaining about having to work so I couldn't go to every preschool or school event, and I needed to work so we had money for the things we wanted. And sometimes that means we can't do all the things we want, and we can't have all the things we want. I think it's perfectly normal to tell young kids that something is too expensive or they can't have both things they want because it costs too much money, or that you can't do a thing because you have to work so you have money for xyz. In fact I think it's important to explain why you have to work, otherwise young children think work is just something you choose to do instead of play with them.

I think it's far worse for children to think everything appears by magic and I don't agree that shielding them from these things is worthwhile. I mean for sure you don't want them worrying that there isn't enough money for food etc. but it's perfectly appropriate to talk about what your can and can't afford for particular things.

Introducing the concept of money and value is something which is very common in all nursery and pre-school settings. Playing "shop" and the basic ideas of numeracy and counting, and that you need more counters/beans/coins to buy three bananas than one banana.

Children aged 4 or 5 should definitely understand that you need money to buy things, and that money has to be earned. Also that money is not never-ending, and that in most cases that means parents cannot buy every thing they ask for.