Should 4-5 year olds or younger know about money etc

[kifchanetta]

I've met this mum through school who is pretty judgemental towards others.

She said she didn't want her child hanging around one of the other kids, because the dad pretended to be a dragon once at a kids party and was chasing the kids around. She thought that was stupid...

Anyway, she really does think her parenting is pretty amazing. She tries to lecture me a bit sometimes about parenting and what I should and shouldn't do.

I'm a very respectful person and would never talk that way about anyone or overstep with others. I find it hard to assert myself in situations when someone is clearly overstepping with me and people just keep going until I either blow up or just avoid them altogether. Not all people are like this mum though and overstep, most people are polite and respectful towards me. Occasionally I come across these overstepping types that think they know everything better, unfortunately.

One thing I noticed is that she is really proud of herself for instilling an amazing work ethic in her child from 3,4,5 years of age. Telling her child they don't have money for XYZ toy or holiday etc.

She also does this bit with her child where she goes ' what do we need to do to get nice things ? ' and the child goes ' work ' and she goes, what do we get when we work, and the child goes ' money '.. she seems really proud of herself for his little skit. She tried to do it on my child and my child just didn't get it and again, it seemed to be something she got all up on her high horse about- how kids need to know about the value of money etc etc.

My child is 4. I haven't discussed money with her really to a great degree. I've explained that we need money to buy things and that her dad and I work to buy things we need for our family. That's about it. I don't think she should be worrying about us not having money and things like that yet. She's so young. I grew up, always worrying about not having enough money and my parents arguing over money from a young age and I don't want my children to worry about this stuff.

Anyway, what does everyone think ? Am I not bringing my children up to work hard ? I will introduce the notion of working for pocket money and the likes, when they get a bit older. But I don't think at 4 they need to be worrying about whether we have money or not.

Money is an every day part of life so yes my kids have known about it from a young age and their understanding has grown over time as is age appropriate. However we have never needed to do a performance about it in front of other people and I wouldn’t try and repeat it with someone else’s child. She sounds smug and annoying for that!

See i really disagree with this. If a younger child is asking why you have to work instead of attend playdough morning at preschool, it's really important they know it's not just a choice you've made and you're doing it for the whole family, not for a selfish reason. Ditto kids who sometimes say they don't want to go to preschool this morning and would rather watch TV with mummy... it's not something you can choose to do, because work isn't a choice.

@Deliaskis but she knows this ! She knows we have to work to provide our family with things, including her toys. So I'm not really sure what the issue is. She absolutely knows that because we work, we can't always be at all her events too.

So you actually are educating her about work and money? I'm not sure what the difference is then (apart from the performative aspect which I agree is annoying!).

@Deliaskis Im not sure the OP has that dilemma. Most dc work out parents cannot always attend everything. I don’t think working parents have to keep on about it to a 4 year old.

Given that it’s said only 5% of people understand the economics of government spending and income and borrowing, I think I would wait and get info on this for later on! I’m not convinced telling dc about work and money instils much at 4. Most parents have to control expenditure and limit what they buy. Personally we didn’t have dc asking for stuff all the time. I’d make sure dc don’t get influenced by tv, other dc and influencers. Then you don’t have to keep saying no.Or give reasons.

The basics yes of course. I just don't go on about things being expensive or giving money as a reason she can't have toys if that makes sense.
I just asked her why do mummy and daddy work ? And she said, to earn money to buy things we need. She knows that, of course. She also has a little jar with coins and she knows the concept of good behaviour and good work and getting rewarded.

I tell her if she wants nice things, she has to work hard in school etc etc etc. the normal stuff.
I just don't let her know we ' can't afford ' or ' don't have money ' for things.

Giving your child a sense that money doesn't grow on trees, has to be earned and is limited in supply is not bad parenting. It teaches them to have respect for their things - no you can't have a new tshirt after ruining one by using your felt tips on it because new clothes cost money.

Nobody is suggesting that you sit down with your 5 year old and go through the bills and bank account.

We always discussed money with the DKs from an early age, this time of year being a good point,by the time they were school age, the didn't buy the father Christmas story, when they wanted something big we couldn't afford, they were told we had to pay fc to supply it. Ex H lost jobs, cutting down was explained. Second DH made redundant 5 times in 8 years,it was explained. I remember going into a supermarket with my youngest when she was about 5, cashier asked if I would like cashback,my DD said,oh yes, she would like some, then I explained that you actually needed to have the money in your bank. Colleagues in the 80s were horrified, said you shouldn't discuss money with children! I opened savings accounts for the dgks, while I was working, explained that I would continue monthly allowance the time grandad was working,then it would be Christmas and birthdays. When they were little, I put a fake cheque in with a Christmas card on the tree, telling them that the Money was in their account. My friends that weren't taught,had no clue when they left home, married,on how to budget,pay bills. I did tell my DKs not to get credit cards, they are learning that one the hard way!

Teaching it in a parot fashion seems strange. I've worked hard and given my kids whatever they've wanted pretty much most of my life without making it a big deal and my oldest 2 are so amazing I know it works. My 17 year old has a saturday/holiday job he's never taken a day sick from and regularly fights me to pay for drinks etc when out for the whole family!

I think children that age should have been introduced to the basic idea that things cost money, to get money most people have to work and we can't have things if we can't afford them.

Her little skit sounds ridiculous, but 4 is not too young to be introduced to the concepts.

I often say 'no' to my DC for sweets/toys, etc. because I tell them they cost a lot of money. That's not instilling a fear of poverty in them, it's just reiterating how the world works. It also stops any tantrums they may have been thinking about having. I would you this as performance parenting though. My kids also know how babies are made (at an age appropriate level), I wouldn't go round asking their friends what their take on it was though. This mum sounds like a pain in the arse.

It’s so important to teach children the value of money, in comparison to other items, from a young age. I came into my DSDs life when she was around 9 and she had been given everything without hesitation. Whenever she was given her own money she spent it as if her life depended on it!
Now she is nearly 18 and despite many chats about budgeting she will still spend without thinking. I’ve tried to put it into context (eg if you have two Starbucks a week, that’s over £500 a year…) but as it wasn’t discussed at an early age, it’s really hard habit to get into.
I have a very well paid job and I still think along the lines of x coffees per week = x over the year…do I want coffee or a holiday?!

Nothing wrong with being told money has to be earned and you can't always afford everything. The dragon thing is mad but there you go. I'd just say well people parent differently and not everyone will agree with you so let's just not discuss it.
I think at some point every child needs to hear money doesn't grow on trees but it can be done without the arguments etc.

They do money and coins before this in school money doesn't have to be a nasty thing nor does work. How do you explain why people can't stay home playing but need to work? Children are more aware and questioning than you think you will have been asked about babies before this age.

I think there is also a type of parent who goes on and on about work and money as if they are the only ones saying it and it’s evangelical. For most young dc, having a healthy attitude towards spending is important and as they get older peer pressure gets greater. I suspect this mum will go out and buy dc a smart phone asap because she’s working for the money. Parenting isn’t about money and how you get it, it’s about being wise on how you spend it. Giving dc everything they want is crowd pleasing but might not be wise.

@jannier read some of my posts. I cover your questions.

I personally don't think it needs drilling into kids from 4 years old.

I also know plenty of examples of kids who were raised very differently, very frugally etc and turned out to be massive spenders.

It's not a guarantee that you'll get a kid who gets it when they're older, just because you taught it when they were very young.

My mums family are all massive spenders and they were taught from a young age to save etc. it just is what it is. Sometimes overemphasising it, has the opposite effect too.

I just want her to be a kid for a couple of years longer. She will have enough time to worry about it.

I don't think it's just about them understanding it and budgeting properly when they are older (and there are a lot more factors that play into that than what age they were introduced to the concept), but it's having consideration and empathy for different people being able to do and afford different things.

Her child doesn't necessarily know more about money, they just know the expected word/phase in that learned dialogue.

I've had some money conversation with my 4-5yo, but only in the context of budgeting for fun stuff or extras, never day to day costs. Something along the lines of "If you get something from the gift shop every time we go somewhere, we won't be able to go on as many outings" or "we already went to the zoo this week, which is a more expensive day out, so we're going to have some park, beach or woods type outings, then can maybe go to the theam park in a few weeks time"

She sounds insufferable

However I have no issues with introducing the concept of money, but just as an everyday thing, rather than a sit down lesson or performative skits.

I often give DD (3y) 50p to buy herself a book at the charity shop so she understands how to choose something and pay for it.

I never say we can't afford X toy but sometimes I'll say we have different things we need to spend our money on at the moment.

She sounds annoying and certainly doesn’t sound like she has her teaching spot on but there’s a huge difference between being aware of / taught about money, working to get money and having to choose between nice things to growing up worrying about money.

Your child is earning treasts through gaining stars. The concept is the same.surely she can only have what ever her stars will buy. And its great practice to start a little bit of pocket money and making small choices early on. This parent sounds annoying to be around generally . It's not about how finances work.

I recall it just happening incrementally. Daddy went to work to get the nappy vouchers. Daddy went to work to be able to buy the food. You had toys on your birthday, you don't need another one, or grandma bought you a toy last week.

If we go to a theme park, there will be £5 each to spend in the shop, on sweets, the extra side show bits, and when it's gone, it's gone. Similarly, if you have a big ice cream at the park, there won't be Friday night sweets. Much of it is also about sensible choices, like "no I'm not putting the fire on, go and find a jumper". Or, yes we could buy food and drinks every time we stop at a service station, but mummy has sandwiches and drinks in the hamper and we will do that twice and save £30.

Recalls DS holding up a 59p plastic animal in the ELC, aged about 2.5 and saying "it's a lot of money for it".

It's good to get them thinking from an early age and it pays dividends later. It is helpful for them to learn that money extrapolates into things but also important that they make good choices about what makes them happy and do it with a conscience.

I’ve only got this from one of the banking adverts but doesn’t the research show a child’s relationship with money is formed from the age of 7?

My almost 2.5 year old knows that we go to work to ‘earn money’ so we ‘can buy nice things’. He loves putting a coin in his box and sometimes we say we don’t have the money for x today and he gets that means we can’t buy it. There’s no expectation that he’ll fully understand money anytime soon but I don’t think it’s ever too early to introduce the concept.