To wonder if it’s really true that you should avoid discussing money with anyone other than those directly involved with your finances?

[HonestBrickSquid]

I see people all the time say not to talk about money with family, friends, colleagues, or really anyone in general. So, is it best to only discuss money with people who are directly tied to your finances, like your employer, partner, or those who manage your money? Or can discussing finances be okay with others in certain situations?

Agree finances should not be a taboo subject. How do we learn and feel empowered to manage money independently unless we share knowledge?!

The difference is what and how much you share

Salaries - transparency within a company is good to encourage fairness. Asking people what they earn in a social setting - no

Savings/investments - sharing best accounts - great. Asking how much people have in them - no

Cost - most things can be seen online so no need to ask!

Its all very well telling people to discuss it but what if you do and they find out your house costs more than theirs or you have more savings than them or have made more sensible decisions than they have.

I know a lot of people who constantly moan about having no money but spend it like it's going out of fashion. A woman I used to work with was constantly going on about how "poor" she was and couldn't understand why and how everyone else had more money than she did. It was because every week she'd come in with a new designer handbag or had booked a new holiday abroad. Others saved their money and invested it wisely and so their savings grew. I did gently point that out to her but she wouldnt have it- she got really arsey because it challenged her narrative of being a "victim".

Discuss it if you want, but be prepared that there are many financial truths that many people simply dont want to hear.

If we don't talk about money then how will we learn about it?

• Women are still vastly less wealthy than men on average
• 14% of adults have less than £100 savings
• Most people have no clue how much is in their pension and don't even realise it's invested
• The average pension pot is worth just £50k at retirement
• Most people don't know their state pension age
• Most people don't understand the tax rules and £millions of rebates go unclaimed

I could go on .....

Almost every day there's a thread on mumsnet about a women suffering financial abuse and often not realising.

We desperately need to start talking about money!

We desperately need to start talking about money!

Yes, but with people who know what they are doing. I've heard some terrible financial advice given from people who have no experience in finance management

People have differing perceptions. One person’s savings pot that makes them proud as they never thought they’d have that much is another persons panic it’s not enough.

I have an acquaintance who openly discusses her finances (her kids are on bursary at a private school, they are tight on money yet they spend thousands on holiday and nice cars, one for her and one for him. Go out for meals regularly and buy expensive tickets to shows and concerts) and she makes me feel irritated every time she says her husband doesn't earn enough like her kids' parents! She doesn't even work.

Had she not talked about money I would have gotten a lot more close to her

I only discuss money with DH, no one else, not even DM who I'm very close to. It just leads to problems like being expected to pay for everything or any kinds of judgement relating to money or life decisions.

So your husband has no idea how much you earn. How does your household pay bills without talking about money, do you both pay different things and hide the cost of the bills, so if the eletric is £75 you hide it so he can’t find out?

How did you work out what rent you could afford without knowing each others wage and outgoings total? You obviously don’t have a mortgage as you would have to discuss finances with the provider, and it joint with the other owner of the home.

I find it an odd thing to feel uncomfortable about, do you find then healthcare workers uncomfortable to be around as banding means you can work out their wage.

The whole money secrecy does seem to mainly be a white british thing, it also contributes to people, usually women being underpaid.

I second this. There's a reason they're considered taboo topics.

*kids' friends' parents

I wouldn't, based on experience.

There are complexities to peoples individual finances.

It rarely ends well.

I have found open (ish) conversation about pensions, mortgages and savings strategies enormously empowering.

Its made me realise how clueless i was when younger. Mum wouldn't talk about money so i knew nothing. I've made mistakes and not optimised things as i could have. I'm teaching my dds things like pay into a pension early, look at interest rates, buy property if you can (don't rent forever like i have). Things i could have done but was too scared.

Never discuss money or religion has always been good advice.

I'm actually quite comfortable , down to hard work and being careful with money in my younger days. But to everyone else I work with or interact with socially I'm just about keeping my head above water . They think I have no savings or a decent pension because I've seen the resentment and anger dished out to those they perceive as being " Privileged ".

That's a very British thing though. In many parts of the world money is spoken about quite openly

I really enjoy finance in terms of tips to save money / make it go further / become mortgage free etc. I love moneysavingexpert! I'd happily talk about that kind of thing in general terms with anyone.

I wouldn't talk about my own personal finance unless it was pertinent to the conversation (eg once with a group of married couples I know well we all discussed the different ways we approached joint finances when we married).

I did tell my Mum when we paid off the mortgage!

In my husbands culture absolutely yes, and I cringe every single time

See it really doesn't bother me. Maybe it's the people who have lots of money that are more secretive about it. A few weeks ago I was in the pub with a friend of mine . We were both discussing our money ( including figures) and savings accounts investments etc

Well I definitely do not fall into the category of having lots of money 🤣

Me neither lol I earn 15/16k a year

Nice one 🤣

I definitely still hate it, I just died a bit inside reading your reply 🤣

Hmm depends. We are quite open as a couple about how much we earn and our expenditure etc. But this is partly influenced by the fact that we both do jobs that aren't generally very common/well-known/understand to people we don't work with, and we've noticed that people seem to assume we earn a lot more/have a lot more money than we actually do. I don't like people to have that idea and I think it results in expectations of us that we wouldn't be able to meet etc so that's partly why we are so open about it. Also I have a fairly wealthy parent and ive noticed there are assumptions from people that we receive financial support from them too, which we absolutely don't, so we feel it's important to try and clear up misconceptions like that where they arise.

If it was the opposite way round and we were wealthy and people didn't realise, honestly no I think we would be a lot less willing to divulge information.

I won't even casually mention a small inexpensive purchase anymore. A colleague quit because he spoke to our boss about their plans for the weekend, she'd bought a bottle of nail varnish and he quit because he thought it was inappropriate that somebody in the workplace could afford nail polish and rub it in his face.

What's the purpose of talking about it? If you have more, it makes people feel sad and inadequate. If you have less, it makes people feel embarrassed.

The only time it might be appropriate is if you need advice, e.g. if I change job, what am I likely to earn, if I buy this house, what kind of mortgage will I pay, and that can mostly be found on the internet.