To wonder if it’s really true that you should avoid discussing money with anyone other than those directly involved with your finances?

[HonestBrickSquid]

I see people all the time say not to talk about money with family, friends, colleagues, or really anyone in general. So, is it best to only discuss money with people who are directly tied to your finances, like your employer, partner, or those who manage your money? Or can discussing finances be okay with others in certain situations?

Discussing money, like any sensitive topic, can be done with anyone you like. However, it is a sensitive topic so you need to understand that discussing it may lead to judgement, bad feelings, or other unwanted scenarios. I have friends with whom I can be quite open and honest about finances. There are lots of people I would not discuss finances with in any shape or form.

Money, religion, and politics.
Always be careful.

Also depends on the circumstances.

If someone’s looking to have a loft conversion done it’s perfectly ok to say yours cost £££. But you wouldn’t, in most circumstances, randomly mention at a meal out your loft conversion cost £££ unless you were trying to brag.

Way too broad a question, depends entirely on what you mean by 'discussing finances' and with whom. World of difference between sharing the exact amount that's in your pension pot, ISAs and equity in your house with a school - run acquaintance than comparing notes on cost of living anxieties or what you think of the budget with your sister or best friend. Not saying either is wrong per se but the former obviously has a lot more potential to be over-sharing or generate strong feelings than the latter.

Personally anything to do with money is something I'd steer clear on at work or with casual acquaintances, it's just too personal - even if you aren't sharing or asking for personal financial details, just talking in general about the budget say, or your thoughts on the welfare state just has the potential to offend or upset, you just never know what people have going on and there are so many other more neutral topics to talk about with people you don't know well. With close friends and family I would talk money perhaps more generally, it's a stereotypical but sadly true trope of middle class dinner parties to bang on about mortgage rates, house prices, pensions and so on, it's not my favourite topic but I join in for politeness. I certainly wouldn't be sharing personal details like how much mortgage is or what my pension arrangements are except with very close friends and family though?

I'm a multi billionnaire anarchist druid but you'd never know it to look at me.

As previous posters have said, it depends on the circumstances and is down to your judgement.

Personally I have been burned badly and am really careful now about giving any clues as to how much we do or don’t have, even with close family. In the past, several family members have taken advantage of us and in hindsight that’s partly our fault for being too open. I’ve also had an acquaintance try to use us for money when she thought we were worth a far bit (even though we weren’t) and whilst she didn’t get very far it has stuck with me to just never engage in talking about money with anyone outside my household.

In reply to money...politics...religion.

Why would you talk money with anyone at all? Its vulgar.

What's vulgar about it?

Nope
Absolutely no one else's business

People then feel that if you have more than them that somehow you should pay or they feel entitled or conversely that they can criticise you

I don't, even with close family. It can get really awkward and I have the kind of job where people don't know if I make a load of money or next to nothing. I'm looking to move house in a bit and am nervous of telling my family about properties because they will know which price bracket I'm looking at.

People with an ounce of class dont talk money with others.

Ime, many of the boomer generation think it is vulgar. I only learned this because my MIL was super weird every time money came up (my own mother is very open about money). Personally I think the faux Pas of discussing money is a control tactic used by those taking advantage of others or with something to hide. A boss once asked me not to discuss my salary with colleagues again. It is illegal to ask this. The reason she said this is because I had been discussing my pay with a colleague who was being underpaid massively compared to me. The other colleague eas being taken advantage of, and doing a lot of unpaid overtime. This is exactly why we should discuss money, so people aren't exploited, and so very wealthy people are held to account. You will find it is those who are more fortunate who are uncomfortable about discussing finances. Consider that.

I’m a public sector worker so people know what I’m paid. At work, I’m in the highest-paid group. I’ve found that people think they’ve a right to hold opinions on how I spend my money and also that some people think I should subsidise them.

It depends what you mean by discussing money. If you're simply saying to a friendly colleague that you can't wait for pay day, then that's pretty normal. Ditto if you're asking your boss for a pay rise. However, I certainly wouldn't discuss the intimate details of my finances with anyone other than my partner (and maybe parents/close relatives depending on your relationship with them). Unless other people are able to offer you solid advice or even help you out, then why would you lay yourself so bare in front of them. It's a bit like discussing your sex life with strangers! It is also rather distasteful to discuss money with others, as they may be struggling more than you or feel embarrassed.

It rarely helps.

In the right context, you should absolutely discuss money. Doing the same job as your colleague, you should be able to talk about salaries and if it is different, your employer should be able to justify the difference without using a protected characteristic.

My friend saying that anyone with a degree isn’t on a good wage when my part time salary is about £10k higher than hers and DH’s salary is more than double (we both have degrees and she doesn’t), no that should be avoided.

I think when sharing finances it should come with the question of what purpose does that serve? It provides transparency for something someone is buying or what they are paid or how they can be growing their money, yes. If it just serves to give information that can be used negatively, then no.

It's whatever you're comfortable with. I don't discuss my finances with anybody.

I don’t discuss my finances with anyone, it’s nobody’s business what I have

You will find it is those who are more fortunate who are uncomfortable about discussing finances. Consider that.

I could consider this a 100 times and no
It's no one else's business

I don’t think it’s vulgar at all.

But I do think it’s risky. Too many different opinions, too much chance of someone getting or feeling judged, embarrassed, hard done by etc.

Do they answer the questions that were asked of them?

Because you certainly haven't.

In certain situations it's okay, of course. I think the world is a better place when we share more re salaries etc - however you need to be careful how you handle it.

People often get envious or jealous, and then start criticising spending in their heads, and friendships can be lost over trivial things. I'll discuss the cost of items with people who earn similarly to me, for example, if they ask, but my sister who's on NMW wouldn't shut up about it if she knew a new coat cost £800 - even if she asked about it! In that situation I find it best to downplay a bit.

See I think this is problematic.

I was brought up to think like this and it’s quite disempowering. It creates the idea that money is taboo and makes it hard to make financial decisions in a clear headed way. It is a particular problem for women as it creates the idea that money and financial planning is a bit dirty and thus something to leave to men.

Financial literacy is really important and that means being able to talk about money sometimes.

Boasting about money is definitely tacky. Telling people what your bonus was or how much your loft extension cost is naff, boring and unnecessary (unless someone has specifically asked).

But making money taboo makes it much harder to manage.

If this happens to you the problem is the people you hang around with, not discussing money per se.