To think this is not professional or am I overacting? Sex talk.

[MeatPotatos]

Changed username as potentially outing

I’m not prude but…

In the small team meetings between myself (junior), other junior, the senior, the manager and the head of service (all female) sometimes the conversation goes toward intimate topics such as sex especially between the senior and the head of service. The manager laughs, the other junior aldo make little comments and I just sit there with a poker face cringing

ie:

1 - once the senior asked to work for a few weeks abroad in a sunny place known for vacations and the HoS said: ‘yes but I don’t want to see any naked men walking around while on online meetings’

2- in a meeting with a solicitor who is outsourced and not part of the team to discuss an important issue, the senior asked the solicitor in a notmal way to have a doc as soon as he could deliver and the HoS said: ‘stop flirting and using your charms, it does not work with lawyers

3- HoS was talking about how she enjoyed a day off with her husband and then complained of back pain, then the senior insinuated that her and her husband had too much sex

It seems like it is mainly the HoS starting and the senior playing along, maybe I shouldn’t be bothered as it is not towards me, but I feel uncomfortable because I’m at work. I want to work with serious professional people, not this - they sometimes make general jokes about sex, not aimed at anyone in particular and I just think it is ridiculous

In case is relevant:
The senior is mid 30s
I’m early 40s
The other junior, the manager and Head are late 40s/early50s

All married, we are not teenage girls

Because I don’t engage in the above, I feel as I’m not as close to them as they are from each other, fine, I’m there to do my job not make friends. I do laugh and banter re: other topics though.

But sometimes I find myself wishing as was in a more professional environment and wonder if I should leave

@sel2223 to be fair the op hasn’t said she is going to make any allegations but that she is considering leaving the company. I wouldn’t consider myself uptight or prudish but I don’t find any of the examples listed remotely funny I have to say and would find it tiresome listening to it.

I didn't say the OP was going to make any accusations or allegations, I said you have to be careful as there could be someone around who will.
The point being 'know your audience'

I don't think the examples given were particularly original or funny either but it's absolutely normal and definitely not anything i would even remotely describe as 'sex talk'. It's a few double entendres, big deal. The world has literally gone mad.

I'm self employed now and work predominantly alone and I miss a bit of work place banter to make the day pass quicker.

It’s just office talk, yes it’s not professional and i’ve certainly never discussed my sex life at work, but I wouldn’t personally be embarrassed or offended. However i’d be aware that some others would so if i was made aware people in my teams were doing this i’d have a word. Bit difficult though when it’s the senior managers.

This all sounds pretty tame for office talk if I'm honest.

Funny you work in the legal field as I did for a short while and could have written your post. I was junior and someone I worked with would come up to me and tell me details of her sex life. I was only young and found it so awkward. I actually think she did it on purpose to make me uncomfortable. They were bullies there so I left.

A colleague deliberately making a younger junior colleague uncomfortable with repeated talk about her own sex life is not what OP is describing here though....
In the examples she's given it's some low level double entendres and a bit of office banter between women of a similar age. An 'insinuation' at worst.
Not the same

@sel2223 i don’t think anyone is uptight or prudish for not finding it funny and considering moving on though.

I don't find those examples particularly funny either 🤷‍♀️

I do think it's uptight and prudish to make a big deal of it though and have it actually bother you so much you have to come running to MN to create a whole thread about it.

Just look for another job and leave if you don't feel like you fit in but, be aware, this is pretty tame office banter which will be completely commonplace in a lot of workplaces.

I don't think anyone taking part in this kind of banter expects to win the 'most original comedy of the year ' award! For most people it's just a little bit of humour to make the day go more quickly, no-one expects a round of applause.

This type of humour would not make the day go more quickly for me at all. It wouldn’t bother me but it would not amuse me either at all.

In one ocassion there was a male colleague who was part of the team

On another occasion there were two males. One from a different team but considered a client from organisationsl point of view and the other an outsourced service that is pretty regular and can be seen as partner but still someone from a different organisation

@MeatPotatos i do think if there was a solo female and male colleagues were making comments about naked women it would be seen as creepy . They all just sound kind of annoying to be around. If someone made a joke implying a colleague had a sore back from too much sex I would find it very tasteless.. and I work in an office full of women of a similar age where there is lots of chatting and joking throughout the day. I know work is not to make friends but the day goes quicker when you gel with colleagues and enjoy their company .

OP, the scenarios you have mentioned are incredibly tame. Seriously,if you left the company and went elsewhere you would most likely find the same and worse. Nothing the women have said is offensive as such, just normal banter that you have with colleagues/friends.

Personally I wouldn't like to work in a place where the people I work closely with day after day just view me strictly as a colleague and not a friend.

You sound like a massive prude. It’s not exactly appropriate but it’s really not that bad.

To be honest, you sound a bit uptight, but each to their own etc!

If it really bothers you, you should tell them. The alternative is to leave the job, which is far from guaranteed to solve the issue, as a lot of workplaces will have a similar culture so you’ll just be out of the frying pan into the fire.

If you want a job where this sort of talk is not going to happen, go and work in a primary school or pre-school or another environment like these?

Manager sounds crass and obviously wasn't with anyone! Sad to think a manager behaves like this. If it were a man it would be sexual harassment.

"I think it's a bit of an abuse of power when managers talk about sex. Because people lower down can't really stand up to the manager about it. And also the manager should be creating a safe work environment"

This. And I don't think it makes it any better that they're all women. OP shouldn't be put in an uncomfortable situation, although I also agree that it's quite tame.

When this has occurred in my experience at work, (NHS. 1980-2010) It was most noticeable at times when workload was high or overly complex. There's nothing like sex to displace discomfort. You can't laugh at difficult patients or management. But you can laugh at the British fear of sex.

None of this seems like a big deal especially if these were the examples you could think of so the ones that had bothered you most.