To think this is not professional or am I overacting? Sex talk.

[MeatPotatos]

Changed username as potentially outing

I’m not prude but…

In the small team meetings between myself (junior), other junior, the senior, the manager and the head of service (all female) sometimes the conversation goes toward intimate topics such as sex especially between the senior and the head of service. The manager laughs, the other junior aldo make little comments and I just sit there with a poker face cringing

ie:

1 - once the senior asked to work for a few weeks abroad in a sunny place known for vacations and the HoS said: ‘yes but I don’t want to see any naked men walking around while on online meetings’

2- in a meeting with a solicitor who is outsourced and not part of the team to discuss an important issue, the senior asked the solicitor in a notmal way to have a doc as soon as he could deliver and the HoS said: ‘stop flirting and using your charms, it does not work with lawyers

3- HoS was talking about how she enjoyed a day off with her husband and then complained of back pain, then the senior insinuated that her and her husband had too much sex

It seems like it is mainly the HoS starting and the senior playing along, maybe I shouldn’t be bothered as it is not towards me, but I feel uncomfortable because I’m at work. I want to work with serious professional people, not this - they sometimes make general jokes about sex, not aimed at anyone in particular and I just think it is ridiculous

In case is relevant:
The senior is mid 30s
I’m early 40s
The other junior, the manager and Head are late 40s/early50s

All married, we are not teenage girls

Because I don’t engage in the above, I feel as I’m not as close to them as they are from each other, fine, I’m there to do my job not make friends. I do laugh and banter re: other topics though.

But sometimes I find myself wishing as was in a more professional environment and wonder if I should leave

A lot of people don't want to talk about sex at work though. Many people see the workplace as a professional place.

I remember everyone used to cringe at the one woman in out workplace who used to talk about sex a lot

I'm so disappointed that it's all so tame!

I was expecting something like this -

%3D

When the woman in my workplace used to say

"I wouldn't kick him out of bed, I'd ride him till the cows came home. Reverse cowboy is my best postion"

We all used to roll her eyes. She was about 60 and she would be talking about the 20 year old delivery guy.

It's really tame

I’d think they were a bit thick and I would tell them I found it inappropriate , the bits I did I mean not an overall you are inappropriate but would do it in the moment not after. Doesn’t mean they have to agree but by using “I” statements you aren’t saying they should. But I’m 52 and probably wouldn’t have done when I was younger. Some people join in because they are people pleasers or are embarrassed not to so don’t be surprised if you are not the only one who doesn’t like it.

its also sexual harassment if you read the act.

This happened in an office I was in, it's unprofessional and I don't want to put up with that at work. They were young single women mostly getting a bit carried away. I moved offices and it's not an issue in the new office.

I'd probably find it more icky if it was more senior people as I'd expect them to have grown out of it

you don’t fit in. Perhaps there is another team that would suit you better.

Sounds a bit on the "Carry On" side. I think you are all just very different people. They obviously think these comments are hilariously funny, but its grating for you to keep listening to it.
At least they must realise you are not responding to it, with the wink and nudge they are expecting.
What do the other colleagues think of it?

It's sexual harassment.

You're being exposed to talk about sex that you're not comfortable with.

And yes it's really unprofessional. It's not any less unprofessional, or any less sexual harassment just because someone on Mumsnet thinks it's fine to show her colleagues dick pics off tinder, so therefore you must be overreacting.

I would hazard a guess that the actual problem stems from you being junior to younger colleagues, and thinking you should be a more senior position as you are more serious and therefore more “professional”.

Having recently refreshed our sexual harassment in the workplace training,, this could be classed as harassment. It doesn't matter if not directed at you , it is in your presence and discussed in front of you and you feel uncomfortable .
They as senior managers and heads of service should know this.
It is very tame in the scheme of things mind you . I would find it extremely cringe and embarrassing that they behave like this to be honest but probably not raise it myself though you would be entitled to do so. To me it's just embarrassing rather than offensive.
They however should be aware of their audience, even if cringe banter is accepted amongst their close group it is embarrassing to do in front of others and could be classed as harassment.

I work in a huge team that include traditionally male workforce and have heard a lot worse ro be honest and not a lot phases me now.

They seem to enjoy and smile or laugh

I don’t talk about it, don’t ask what they think

No

The senior colleague is younger than me because this is the only career she ever had and she started working when a teen with her family at a family business at this particular profession so she has lots of experience

I have changed careers 4 times and my degree is in something else and that is why I’m in a junior position at this job as I came with zero experience in this particular field

I don’t feel embarassed and I see it is tame but I can’t help but cringe - guess I have a colleagues not friends mindset and yes seems like I don’t fit in

I’m not against having fun at work at all but I guess I like to keep arms lenght

I don't know why you guess this is about professional jealousy
Surely it's that a lot of people, including OP, expect a standard of professionalism at work and not juvenile inappropriate banter.

I work in a traditionally male dominated environment. That kind of talk by either sex never happens. If it ever did, it was drummed out of the workplace before I started 25 years ago. Yes, it’s a very uptight environment, but they are extremely careful about making sure the women who have joined the workforce feel welcome.

1 - once the senior asked to work for a few weeks abroad in a sunny place known for vacations and the HoS said: ‘yes but I don’t want to see any naked men walking around while on online meetings’
2- in a meeting with a solicitor who is outsourced and not part of the team to discuss an important issue, the senior asked the solicitor in a notmal way to have a doc as soon as he could deliver and the HoS said: ‘stop flirting and using your charms, it does not work with lawyers
3- HoS was talking about how she enjoyed a day off with her husband and then complained of back pain, then the senior insinuated that her and her husband had too much sex

I can't imagine anyone considering No.1 to be 'sex talk'. It's an incredibly mild joke about working in a holiday destination. How can you possibly find that offensive?

No.2 isn't about sex at all. Again, it's a mild joke.

No.3 is moderately inappropriate but if the HoS and the senior are friends and know each other well, it's really not that bad. Certainly nothing I'd even remember after the meeting, to be honest.

For context, I used to work in office where a colleague came into work one morning and announced that he'd fingered some random woman while they were queuing for drinks at a bar the previous night. Now that is the kind of thing I'd call inappropriate 'sex talk', not the sort of things you've listed.

The women in my office malr jokes about oral sex and wanted to organise a trip to the Dreamboys!

It makes me cringe but I am the only one who doesn't join in so I let them get on with it, the manager joins in too so no point complaining!

I don’t see any sex talk there at all.🤔.

I voted yabu because I thought your were going to give some filthy examples of the sordid conversations you're forced to listen to.
You didn't...

I feel like if you say something you'll seem like a stick in the mud

It does seem harmless but as long as they're not trying to make you talk about your sex life, I'd leave it and just cringe inwardly

All offices have their quirks x

I'm chronically single so love a bit of girl talk tbh 🙈🤭🤭🤭

Some people don’t, I agree. The examples given were barely something from a Carry-on film though.
That’s why OP should raise it if she’s uncomfortable. If it’s a culture that’s a little more relaxed it might only get more difficult for OP.

Would you love a bit of girl talk with a 65 year old married female manager who constantly talked about riding young men and laughing. That's who I had to listen to

That's who used to talk about sex in my workplace. I'm pointing out her age not because I'm ageist but simply pointing put that she was older than us at the time, and we were a bit intimidated and creeped out by her. But we had to put up with it.

I think it's a bit of an abuse of power when managers talk about sex. Because people lower down can't really stand up to the manager about it. And also the manager should be creating a safe work environment

I wouldn't care about this in the canteen but in the context of a team meeting it's grim and I would take them less seriously as colleagues.