Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He didn't know it was my birthday

65 replies

Witchesdontage · 11/11/2024 16:08

This is going to be long so i apologise in advance!
An old friend got in contact with me in November 2021, asked me to meet up for a coffee so i did, enjoyed his company etc. We went on a few dates or so we thought but it never developed into anything so we both eventually stopped speaking, no hard feelings. fast forward November 2022 same thing happens he asks me to meet for a coffee, I was single, he was single. we met up a few times and would kiss goodbye. That's it. That was the extent of the relationship. Texts every now and then the odd meal. I didn't know where i stood with him if he saw me as just a friend even after we chatted and he said he wanted more. Anyway September 2023 i met someone else and entered into a relationship with him. This old friend kept messaging me and saying "he was ready to give me everything" he had bought me xmas presents which i thought was odd as we hadn't spoken for months. he was unaware that i was in a relationship anyway he wanted to be with me. (The attraction with him is he has a really good co parenting relationship with his children's mum, he is very active with his children's lives, he works doesn't drink or take drugs and i found them to be good qualities.) At the time my then boyfriend had been caught out messaging someone else on social media a number of women and i ended the relationship. The old friend and I hadn't spoken for a while he was on dating sites because he matched with a friend of mine and she showed me. He messaged me again asked me to meet up and we did we had a talk again..... basically he said he feels like i can get anyone i want and that he isnt anyone special and that I would just leave him in the end anyway like his ex wife did that I am too good for him! This really annoyed me i told him i like his qualities i find him physically attractive etc but he wanted the relationship to go further so i invited him to my house. We slept together it was terrible over in a minute. The next day he asked me to meet up with him for a walk and when i got there we walked round the park like mates no hand holding, no kiss nothing/1 it felt weird. So i told him if you just see me as a friend then tell me. Weeks went by he kept saying he liked me etc then again it fizzled out. Again he pops back up. asks me to meet him i did he took me for food and i slept with him again (in the car) his mum has moved in with him and he has his children every other weekend i cant go to his and my house is not always free if i need a babysitter then she will look after my child at ,my house. Or my child goes to her dads one weekend a month. On our weekend off which means neither of us have children he doesn't ask to meet up. just in the week after work. we go for food and then he wants to have sex in the car! anyway that happened twice and i thought this has been going on since November 2021 and i still do not know where i stand with this man I'm not doing it anymore. So last time we met up was two weeks ago, i told him its my birthday soon, hoping he would say lets do something. He went quiet he didnt ask me when it was or what day it fell on, so i didnt tell him. although i have told him in the past when it was and just to be clear i know when his three childrens birthdays are his birthday and he even told me when his ex wifes birthday is because he got her a gift off the children. So he asked to meet up on Thursday eve and i didn't want to because i knew what he would want so i made an excuse and didnt go my birthday was Saturday. On my actual birthday he sent me a good morning message and asked me what i was up to etc so i said its my birthday today! he just said happy birthday. then later tried to call me but i was with family so didnt answer. AIBU to be annoyed about this. I cant speak to him i havent said anything. He will send a message and if i dont reply he wont message again for weeks and I have had enough of it. Someone please give me some clarity on this. What would you feel/do?

OP posts:
Changingplace · 11/11/2024 16:11

What I feel is that your post needs paragraphs and can’t read it, sorry.

loropianalover · 11/11/2024 16:13

What would you feel/do?

I would feel so embarrassed about being in this situation.

I would delete his number and never speak of the whole thing again.

If it weren’t for the mention of children, dating apps, and having sex in his car (🤢) I would have thought a 14 year old wrote this post.

BeMintBee · 11/11/2024 16:20

Sorry I really tried to read it all but literally lost the will to live reading that!

Seriously it’s been 3 years it’s going nowhere!

WellHelloScottie · 11/11/2024 16:20

Well, I can read it perfectly well.

I think you know this is never going anywhere. You are just wasting your time and being used.

Sorry.

Witchesdontage · 11/11/2024 16:29

WellHelloScottie · 11/11/2024 16:20

Well, I can read it perfectly well.

I think you know this is never going anywhere. You are just wasting your time and being used.

Sorry.

Thanks for the response,

OP posts:
Therehastobesomegoodnews · 11/11/2024 16:31

Yes it was perfectly readable.
And I agree with pp he is using you and I don't think the relationship is going anywhere.
I think you should cut contact with him.
If you want a relationship then you can do much much better than him OP.

Justcallmebebes · 11/11/2024 16:35

I wouldn't give any man who just wanted to meet sporadically for sex in his car the time of day. Please, gather your self respect and dump him, you can do much better

GiveMeAbitOfSugar · 11/11/2024 16:38

Changingplace · 11/11/2024 16:11

What I feel is that your post needs paragraphs and can’t read it, sorry.

Do why did you bother post?

Just to be nasty? I do not understand people like you

Witchesdontage · 11/11/2024 16:39

Thank you for the response!

However condescending it is.

I actually don't feel embarrassed, because I am not a balding, almost 40 year old man with low self esteem! He is!!!

I asked for advice, you could have completely ignored my post, yet you chose to be part of the grammar committee and police my post for flaws, over being constructive.

Next time i write a post i will ensure it is in font Ariel, size 12, with 1.5 spacing to ensure everyone can understand.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 11/11/2024 16:40

Your birthday is probably the least of your problems where this man is concerned. He’s been messing you around for years, lives with his mum and uses you for hopeless sex in his car.

what do you think you should do?

F2cjky · 11/11/2024 16:41

You’re far too good for him OP, it does seem like he’s stringing you along and you definitely deserve better. I would block and move on and find someone who appreciates you, best of luck x

ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 11/11/2024 16:42

I might've missed it, but is this just some bloke you meet with for car sex? Not a boyfriend or relationship?

Don't give him one moments thought, he's irrelevant. Only date men who massively enhance your life in every way, and make it fun. That's the entire point.

Thewalrusandthecarpenter · 11/11/2024 16:46

I think your early assessment of his good points (which are completely understandable) has clouded your view of his subsequent wishy washy, unreliable, non committed, casual and unreasonable treatment of you. You're worth much more than this and not just on your birthday!

loropianalover · 11/11/2024 16:49

I actually don't feel embarrassed, because I am not a balding, almost 40 year old man with low self esteem! He is!!!

Oh come on OP.. you’re the one in a dither over him on an online forum!! No point taking cheap shots at his looks and self esteem now!

If he’s such a loser why are you so upset he didn’t want to do anything with you for your birthday?

Patienceinshortsupply · 11/11/2024 16:50

Never make someone a priority for whom you are merely an option.

He's using you, kindly. Let him find some other mug while you find someone worthy. Block all contact for your mental sanity.

Zucker · 11/11/2024 16:51

He's just someone using you for crap sex in his bloody car ffs! He's saying all that crap about you being too good for him and that you'll leave him like all the others blah blah blah, so you will feel sorry for him and have sex with him! He's not interested in the slightest in having a relationship with you. BLOCK HIM.

ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 11/11/2024 16:53

Sounds like the most you could have expected from this bloke as a birthday celebration was him putting a new air freshener in his car. 🎉

TwattyMcFuckFace · 11/11/2024 16:54

loropianalover · 11/11/2024 16:49

I actually don't feel embarrassed, because I am not a balding, almost 40 year old man with low self esteem! He is!!!

Oh come on OP.. you’re the one in a dither over him on an online forum!! No point taking cheap shots at his looks and self esteem now!

If he’s such a loser why are you so upset he didn’t want to do anything with you for your birthday?

This ^^

If balding, almost 40 year old men are your thing, why are you putting him down for that?

There are plenty of reasons to dump this twat, but his age and looks are what they are.

Horatiostrumpet · 11/11/2024 16:56

If he's that much of an embarrassment why do you keep shagging him in his car?!

potatocakesinprogress · 11/11/2024 16:57

Witchesdontage · 11/11/2024 16:39

Thank you for the response!

However condescending it is.

I actually don't feel embarrassed, because I am not a balding, almost 40 year old man with low self esteem! He is!!!

I asked for advice, you could have completely ignored my post, yet you chose to be part of the grammar committee and police my post for flaws, over being constructive.

Next time i write a post i will ensure it is in font Ariel, size 12, with 1.5 spacing to ensure everyone can understand.

Some people have dyslexia and ADHD you know. So it would help to use basic paragraphs.

StormingNorman · 11/11/2024 16:57

Are you sure he’s single? It sounds like he just wants a shag after work from time to time.

Nanny0gg · 11/11/2024 16:57

If you want more than this (and who wouldn't?) stop it now.

Block him and make better choices

Nanny0gg · 11/11/2024 16:58

potatocakesinprogress · 11/11/2024 16:57

Some people have dyslexia and ADHD you know. So it would help to use basic paragraphs.

It's a forum.

No-one has to respond if it's not in a format they can cope with

Itoldyousoo · 11/11/2024 17:02

Just stop seeing him! It's not a proper relationship. Surely you know you deserve better?

Witchesdontage · 11/11/2024 17:02

Twice in three years that happened.

He is balding, and he is nearly 40! his low self esteem stems from his comments about me leaving him like his ex wife did! That probably wasn't his fault either!

Did you read the part about his other qualities i mentioned? or just jump straight to the defence of the other keyboard warrior!

OP posts: