To think 'can I let you know nearer the time?' is rude.

[AhBiscuits]

Planning a party for DD. Its at a busy time of year so have given 6 weeks notice. It's an activity and we can only invite 10 kids. We have a list of potential invitees to work down if any of the first choice 10 can't make it. We've had 9 yes responses and 1 'can I let you know nearer the time?'
Either you have something in your diary or you don't. You're either prepared to put it in and forego anything else that comes up or you're not. Surely you should say yes or no and not 'I'll wait and see if there's something else I'd rather do'.
I don't really want to be inviting someone else last minute if she can't make it.

No it isn’t rude. We’re waiting on one family member’s leave to know where we’ll all be for the Christmas period. Can’t be helped.

Go back with “sorry I need to confirm numbers with the venue, if you can’t commit no worries”

Just reply saying it's limited numbers so if you can't commit now then you will have to withdraw the invitation!

Certainly wouldn’t forgo 2 weeks with family for another child’s party.

I would tell her that you need to have firm numbers in order to book so if she isn't absolutely sure, you will ask someone else.

I suppose it depends why. Some parents who work on shifts may not have rotas yet; some parents who share residency of their DC might not have agreed whether it’s their weekend or the other parent’s yet because Christmas means a pattern out of the usual; it’s coming up to Christmas and some parents may have other things pencilled in which they’ve yet to confirm.

If they’re a particularly good friend of DC’s then wait for them, otherwise just say you need final numbers asap so are going to assume they’re a no.

If there is a reason given (like the annual leave issue above) then fair enough to say this - although some hosts may say sorry I need to know now and that is also fair

Otherwise it does sound like “I’ll see if something better comes up”

If it’s during December then no, I might be waiting to confirm a family Christmas event date. Which we will go to, and have to send regrets for your child’s party if it clashes. I’m sorry but that’s how it is. Other timers of year I agree it’s rude.

I would say that you are able to wait one more week but will then need a firm answer one way or the other. I think that’s fair.

Just give a “last response date”, say 3 weeks before the event, let that be your cut off, and invite someone else if the first choice cannot make it.

Not children related, but I have an event in my diary for later this month, I am doing palliative care (shared) for my 96 year old Mum, and my OH is currently having cancer treatment. So it might be the day before I can actually give a yes or no. Sometimes other people’s lives can be a bit complicated. Hope it goes well for you.

I think if you can't commit to it then you just say no. They know we'll have fixed numbers for the activity so should just say no so I can invite someone else.

6 weeks from now is slap bang in the middle of Christmas, op.
I wouldn’t confirm attendance at a kid’s party, tbh. Although I’d give you a firm no, rather than hedge my bets…

I don’t find it rude. Six weeks is very close to Christmas, plans aren’t firmly set in place yet.

It's the 15th. We went for the weekend before school breaks up. It's an awkward time but got 9 pretty swift yes responses.

Simply tell them this then, and then they and you have a firm decision

Oh, ok. Still in term time is fair enough.

Just tell anyone who can’t confirm that you need definite numbers now.

I think its rude. If you are unsure then it's a no.

I would say you need to confirm numbers so will count her out and invite someone else. Then she night learn that it's rude and not everyone is hanging around for her to decide if they can grace you with their presence.

Somebody with a work rota or a possible family visit conflict would have said though, surely. Then you could have found out when they could make a decision and decide whether you could wait that long. Expecting you to wait around with no idea about when they will make up their minds is rude.

I’d be ok with it if someone said ‘Can I let you know when the rota comes out next Wednesday’. I wouldn’t wait for an indefinite amount of time because you have to pay for places and need to know who’s coming.

Phrased as a question it is not rude. If you need to know immediately then you say so, if you can give them a week or two then you do that. It's a perfectly reasonable question.

Phrased as a statement ("I'll let you know nearer the time") it is rude.

It's absolutely fine, assuming that you can give a good reason.

'i really hope (child's name) can come, but I'm waiting on my shifts for that month, and if I'm working her grandma will be doing childcare and won't be able to get her there. Is it okay if I let you know in a week, when the shifts come out?'

I'd have no problem with that at all.

I think you should explain why and accept that you might have to miss out.

I recently replied to an invite with 'she's committed to a netball match that day and we don't yet have the time - when do you need to know by - understand that if you need a yes/no answer now, then it'll have to be a no' - the parent was happy to wait.

This is why I voted YABU.
My DC has a number of friends in one parent families, or large families where parents work shifts. Most of those only get their shift pattern 2 weeks ahead, some of them just one. They then need to arrange relevant childcare/transport to clubs and activities.
I always explained what notice the venue needed and let them make a judgement call based on that.
It's a bit annoying but it can't be helped. Not everyone can work 9-5.

Just make that clear to people instead of not doing so then complaining they're rude.

This.

I agree OP but I also realise that around Xmas there are other things going on. But, people can’t expect you to hold a party place for them.