Anybody had an older parent when growing up?

[Shaz83]

anybody Had an older parent when they were younger and how did it feel are your parents still here. How old are they do they help out with child care etc.. if you have children..I will be 42 when my daughter is here so just wondering if anyone had older parents?

Will the answers be useful to you given you’re already pregnant.

They potentially will make you feel really bad

Dad was 42 when I was born. Didn't make a ha'porth of difference growing up. I was 40 when he died.
Helped with childcare a bit but distance was the real issue.
DSis had all hers after 39, they still live with her in their 20s. Seem to get on well.

Why should they upset her, unless people try to pin all their dissatisfaction on their parents' ages. There's always something to do that with if you really try.

My parents were 39 (mum) and 42 (dad) when I was born (only child). Sadly my mum died a few years ago, nothing to do with her age but an autoimmune condition. I've just had my first baby and I know she would definitely be helping out if she were here and well physically. My dad is healthy and well but like most men of his generation, not really into taking care of infants. He will watch her briefly but I couldn't leave her with him for a few hours while I went out. I think he will enjoy her more when she is walking and talking, fingers crossed.

To be honest I was kind of self conscious of it growing up. My mum was very glamorous and always dressed well with perfect hair and makeup but I could see she was 5-10 years older than my friends mums and it felt like there was much more of a generation gap between me and my parents vs my friends parents. It's much more common to have kids in your late 30s/early 40s now so I wouldn't worry.

I suppose in this day and age what I’m about to say isn’t “old”
but I’m 33, my mom n dad are 69/70. They had me much later than my siblings

i am always afraid of losing them.
I wouldn’t know how to cope.

they are my full time childcare but I’m also very conscious always that they are getting old too. So I try not to burden them.

i will have both my children by the end of this year and both in my early thirties.
I am very conscious they may feel what I’ve felt my whole life, but for me, this is a way to 1- become the best healthy and fit version of myself to help increase my chances of a longer healthier life and 2- set them up so that if anything ever did happen to me they would be safe and secure in themselves and know how to cope.

DH was born when his mum was 38 (quite late for the 70s) he is 50, our children are adults and she is still here.
She was able to babysit when the children were very small but by the time they went to school she couldn’t do a lot. That was more down to her health than age and a younger woman could easily have the same health issues she does.

Yes, I did, both parents were in their forties and married eighteen and a half years when I came into their lives. They adopted me as a new baby.

My dad died when I was 23, he was 69, but my mum lived to 86, was extremely sprightly and quite well. She had an abdominal eneurysm, nobody could have predicted that, otherwise she was in good shape. She was a marvellous grandmother and did lots of child care.

When I was growing up things were difficult, both parents were terribly old-fashioned, stuck in a time warp, compared to other parents. Also my mother did not mix with people very well, she was always with her own family, she was the youngest of ten children by five years. She didn't understand friendships and certainly knew nothing about teenagers.

She improved as she got older and I certainly missed her when she died, it all happened so quickly and I felt quite lost for some time.

I'm sure you will be fine, op.

My Mum was 42 when I was born, I’m now 60. Both of my parents were very elderly in their outlook and dress which I found embarrassing. They did help when each of my children were born but they lived 60 odd miles away so no day to day help. That was fine though as we moved away so I could hardly expect them to do daily childcare. They did come and look after them whilst DH and I went away.
Mum died when my eldest was 9 and youngest 5 and Dad died five years later. They have missed so much but did at least live to see all their grandchildren.

My mum had me when she was 40 and she died at 62.
My dad died in January. I've lost both parents and I'm only 36. Do I wish I was never born? No. I'm okay and I've got my own little family

I think 40 is not that unusual these days. I was 39 when DS was born and I wasn't the oldest in my NCT class. DS and I do work hard on trying to keep fit and keep weight down etc so we are not sleepy parents with no energy for our kid.

One of my parents was older and they were amazing!
the truth is I didn’t notice when I was growing up as that was my normal. Children just accept what is I think.
I would say out of both my parents this one is the one I related to most and laughed with most.
They gave me a lot specifically because they were older so my tastes in music and films or comedy or knowledge of cultural references are wider because I was exposed to them from a parent who had wider experiences than other children my age who had two younger parents. I have the natural ability to get on with a wide age range of people has been great in having friendships as an adult and I think this is partly because I had an older parent who had people in their life who were probably out of what I would have been exposed to otherwise.p so I learned from an early age the age wasn’t really a thing to think about when connecting with people.

but

I lost that parent unexpectedly at 21 (my sibling sibling was younger).
this was not only because they were older but it was a factor.
It has been terribly hard not having them in my life, losing them just as I was entering the time where I was old enough to forge an adult relationship and they could see how I turned out and who I chose to spend my life with.

nowadays though loads of people have children at your age and medicine has moved on remarkably in even the last decade so my experience is probably more unusual now.

the whole point of my post is that your child will love you and your age will absolutely not matter as long as you are a good parent. Congratulations on your pregnancy @Shaz83

My mum was an older mum. My dad was in his 40s which was old back then. I didn't care at all. Sometimes people thought my dad was my grandad but he chose to find it funny. My mum looked younger anyway so no one noticed.

My mum took care of her health so all was well. My dad smoked and that caught up with him so when we were teenagers we often had to help him and he couldn't walk far. So I think its even more important to take care of yourself if you're an older parent. Both our parents seemed wise and didn't seem to think they were missing out on parties etc.. that they would have if they were younger. Our childhood was different but no worse because of our parents age.

We don't have the help with our own kids that younger grandparents might provide though my mum sometimes helps and does a fabulous job for her age. However I think there are tradeoffs in life - people shouldn't expect everything and in some ways it just is what it is.

Mum was 34 when I was born, and she is still alive and kicking. Dad was 50. I realised in my early teens that I'd be losing Dad sooner, rather than later, and sure enough, I was 25 when he died.

I was the whoopsy child, the been there done that kid, and my sisters were way older than me, so we weren't close. My poor eldest sister pretty much got me handed over to her at the end of each school day to look after, from when she was 13, and that didn't do great things for our relationship!

But, as a kid, you have the hand you're dealt, and that is your reality, nowt you can do about it, so just try and appreciate what you've got.

My mum was 36, dad was 41, when I was born (3 older siblings). They didn't help much with my kids as I was a SAHM anyway, but they were loving grandparents. Mum died when I was 36 (she was 72), and Dad died 4 years later.

My Grandma had my mum when she was 40, she died at 60 from breast cancer after a long battle. My Mum had me at 39, I’m 37 and my Mum is 75.
My DC are 9 and 5, my mum is a healthy more than able 75 year old, she just isn’t an active grandparent - her choice not ours. Despite us moving closer to them we rarely see them.

How much you help out with childcare when your DC is older is up too you, realistically your DC could have a child at 20, you’d be 62 so health being well more than able to help out as a grandparent etc

Mum was 39 and dad was 48, they both died before I was 30 so I won’t be getting any help from them. I had to care for both of them in my 20s. No siblings either.

Wasn’t much of an issue when I was younger but is as an adult.

Hey OP
I think the truth is being born 40 years ago with a parents aged 40, is really different to now.
First of all when we were young is was rare to have "older" parents, but now so many people are having kids later. My 4 year old has just started school and sooo many of the mums are over 40 - I mean almost all of them I've met so far are.
Also, healthcare has advanced, not just to prolong but to better things whilst still alive.
My parents weren't old when they had me, but cruelly they both died when I was young anyway, you never know what's going to happen.
Xx

My mum was 31 when I was born, but she still died before I had any of my children. My dad's currently 75 and he's still fit and well - he has my kids after school twice a week.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Age is just one part of the whole family jigsaw x

My dad was in his 50s when we were born. I could not have had a better father. I feel intensely lucky to have had him for so long.

Occasionally on MN someone will really moan about having older parents and I always marvel at how easy their life must have been if that’s a problem, and wonder if they truly mean they’d prefer not to have existed.

My mum was 41 she died age 90.
I didn't notice until I was a mid teenager.
Didn't bother me. She was more relaxed about freedom, allowed me to take risks that my friends didn't.

Wow that was so nice to read so reassuring that having a baby at 42 don’t always mean it’s all bad. ❤️

This sounds very difficult all respect to you

Wow you lost ur parents young.. that’s horrible. I’m sorry for your losses..

My parents were 36 when they had me, and one of my very good friends was 40 when she had her ds

Not me but my dad was 60 and my stepmum 51!!! When they had my sister. Theres only 24 years between me and my dad and 36 between me and my sister haha