Anybody had an older parent when growing up?

[Shaz83]

anybody Had an older parent when they were younger and how did it feel are your parents still here. How old are they do they help out with child care etc.. if you have children..I will be 42 when my daughter is here so just wondering if anyone had older parents?

My Mom was 40 and my dad 38. I have also a younger sibling. Never noticed it growing up and my mom always says we kept her young. Never knew my grandparents since 3 of four died before I was born and the fourth when I was 4. Just thought that was normal-though now I wish I had know them. Honestly I think about it more now with my own young kids. But life is unpredictable and has its own joys and sorrows no matter the age. I do wish we had done more camping while I was a child but my parents probably preferred real mattresses!

Well, I was 42 when I had my daughter. No-one has ever said anything to her about her "old mum" . I don't think things are like they used to be when I was young. I was born in 1966 and definitely remember seeing people who were my age now, but just seemed a lot older. Even photos of my nan and grandad at my age seem to look so old. I don't know if it was the clothes and hairstyles or they just had harder lives.

my mum was 39 when I was born and my dad 49. Dad died when I was 14 and mum when I was 23- my own kids never knew their grandparents (their other set of grandparents live abroad and they have only met them once). After mum died things kind of fell apart with the extended family- my siblings, nieces and nephews and we haven’t properly seen them in years, so we only have each other.

Yes my mum was 40 and my Dad 45 and I have to honest, I hated them for it. I was teased at school when everyone discovered they weren’t my grandparents. I was bored shitless as a child as they were already knackered and playing with me was understandably harder than it would be for a younger parent. I have an older sibling who I played with as a small child but once he became a teen he was always out.
Sadly it also meant that I lost one parent when I was much younger than average and now I’m an adult with a disability & a younger-than-average widow with a child of my own - ie: in need of support, all I have is my now very elderly remaining parent and older sibling who is uninterested as the age gap meant we’re not close at all. So I’m struggling every day with very little support as I’ve no family left (All my cousins/aunties/uncles etc are long gone) all because my parents made that selfish decision to have another child when they were, in my personal opinion, too bloody old to. I’m paying the price now*.

Ok some may say that I’m not entitled to support as an adult and that I’m being selfish to expect it as an adult etc etc. But the fact is, if my parents had had me at 30 & 35 instead of 40 & 45, then they almost certainly would’ve provided support without me even needing to ask (fyi by support I’m not* referring to childcare! Even emotional support would be something).
However I’m now struggling every day and regularly feel robbed of my deceased parent.

Start small, a couple of veg and fruit a day if that's all you can manage. 10 minute walks a day increasing to 30 minutes. Everyone starts somewhere.

My mother was 40 and my father in his mid 50s when I was born.
My father died in a car accident when I was at university (so nothing to do with age) and my mother died when I was in my 30s.
Obviously, the downsides are that I didn't have them around for as long as many people do and that my DCs barely remember my mother and never met my father. Also, I only ever knew one of my GPs.
However, I knew my father a lot better than many of my contemporaries because he retired when I was in secondary school, so he was the one at home when I went back for lunch and at the end of the school day, which was lovely.
My mother was very glamorous and quite modern in her outlook so I never worried that she seemed older than my friends' mothers.
Really, as a child, you just accept the status quo in your family.
And, no, they weren't around to help with child care, but we lived a 3-4 hour drive away so that was never on the cards anyway.

I don't think age has anything to do with childcare, we've never had the option of childcare from grandparents even though my in laws have been retired since we got together.

I know quite a few people who have had babies in their 40's. DH's parents were also older (39 and 45).

The thing I hear over and over from both from friends and in laws is that they are quite relaxed as parents and they assume this is due to age. They've mellowed in their 40's and are less likely to sweat the small stuff. Also I think these days the difference between parents in their 30's and those in their 40's or 50's is hardly noticeable. We went to a 50th party for a dad at school and I was honestly shocked that he's 15 years older than me!! Wouldn't have guessed at all.

DH says he never felt like he was missing out by having older parents. If anything there were real benefits! Like his dad partially retired in his early 50's so there was always a parent home when the boys came home for lunch or back from school etc, which they liked. DH has a great relationship now with his dad and puts it down to his dad being around a lot when he was younger. Also as they'd both focussed on the career up until that point there was more disposable income and flexibility with annual leave etc so they had some really lovely extended trips away together which they all look back on fondly. His parents were really ready to focus on the kids, they'd done the partying, travelling, career stuff etc and gave the boys their all. They're all really close even now. It's lovely.

They're not as hands on as grandparents now they're in their 80's, but we have zero expectations of that so that's fine. It's quite hard having small kids at home and aging grandparents. Can feel DH being torn between fatherly duties and wanting to be there for his parents. But can imagine that's hard whenever it hits.

Sorry about your losses. And thanks for sharing. Reading the positives has made me feel even more reassured. So thanks so much for sharing ❤️

My dad was 39 when I was born, died at just barely 65, so I was 26. My biggest regret is that he never knew he had grandchildren and never got to meet them/I never got to see him with them (my older sisters both chose not to have children and I had mine later than desired, though he probably wouldn't have been around long enough to have met them anyway).

My husbands mum was 39 when she had him, she died at 74 so he was 35, personally I am happy she got to know her grandsons a bit, and they her.

I don't think either of us found our parents particularly fun/energetic growing up, some of that could be due to personality, but we still loved and miss them.

How old is your mum? 🙂

Thanks for sharing so nice to know ❤️

My mum was 38 when she had me and my dad was 43. Back in the 1960's the average age was around 22 for a new mum so they were really unusual. My dad died when I was 19 and mum died when I was 48. I did sometimes feel a bit embarrassed when I was a child and a teenager because they were so much older and I did get teased at school when other kids called my parents "pensioners" and the like. However, this won't apply going forward as so many women are having kids in their 30's & 40's so older parents will be the norm.

I don't think age really matters anymore. Older parents now are not the same as yesteryear.

DH was 48 when DD was born, his parents are in their 80's and still having adventures around the world (and bitterly complaining about the cost of travel insurance 🤣).
By contrast I never met a grandparent as they died before my dad's 21st birthday after a short illness and my nan passed away just after turning 70 (she had my mum at 20).

I just don't think young parents = longevity

My parents were 43 and 44 when they had me. I’m now 34 and both are still alive and kicking at 76 and 77. Sadly I’ve struggled to have kids but I’ve seen them with step kid’s grandkids so I know they are perfect with kids. There were times growing up where I wished for younger parents and still do now but time isn’t guaranteed, they could have had me in their 20s and been long gone now.

My dad was 50 when I was born, now 94. Until about 5 years ago he was walking 8 miles a day, fit as a fiddle, and a funny, charismatic man. I never noticed his age as I was growing up. In the last 5 years he has developed a touch of dementia, and his physical health is poor. It's horrible to see and I miss him as he was. But at 94 I recognise I'm lucky to have had him for as long as I did. Lots of my friends younger parents are much more sickly, or have sadly died. I've been lucky.

My parents were 42 and 43 when I was born and I had DS when I was 42.

It didn’t bother me when I was growing up.

I have much younger friends who are parents too and I make sure I’m on the same page in outlook.

DS benefits in many ways that I’m older .. experience, financially etc. I often go the extra mile as I know I won’t be around in his 30/40’s the same way his other friends parents will be.

Oh dear I’m sorry to hear. How did he pass away?

My mum is 85 now, I'm in my mid 40s. Me and her a very close and we help eachother a lot. I help her as much as I can and she's still leading a good active life. The sad part is my dear dad passed away just after my 13th birthday. That was very difficult and I haven't really got over it to be honest. They didn't really give me any proper therapy or even ask me how I was when it happened. But that's life. He was lovely and I enjoyed the time I had with him.
I sometimes wish my parents were a bit younger, but they had two others who passed away before finally surprisingly getting me. So it wasn't intentional. I wouldn't change my relationship with my mum for the world though.

My Mum was 40 when I was born, but she was very attractive and youthful and although she was deeply self-conscious of being 10 - 15 years older than everybody else (this was the 70's after all), nobody ever knew. She literally said that she was 30 when I was born when she met people.

She was absolutely fine all through my childhood, and she died of cancer in her 60's, which nobody could have foreseen, and could happen to any of us, so that's neither here nor there.

I do wonder what my life would be like now if I had an 86 year old Mum on the go, and what she would be like in terms of needing care while my own kids are relatively young. My Dad is younger and just creeping up on 80 now, and he was great for childcare when the kids were born, but when he got into his 70's he was less able for it.

Is there a Mr Shaz? Unless he is very much older than you, you don't have anything to worry about @Shaz83

I was an only child and my father was 50 when I was born and my mother was 45. It didn't present a problem when I was young. My Dad was a young 50 and taught me to do things like headstands by showing me himself. But when I had children in my late 30's, it was difficult trying to juggle childcare with looking after my elderly mother (my dad had passed away by then). We were never able to leave my children with any grandparents. My mother would not have been capable.

I'm 55... my dad was 49 when I was born, my mum was 33.
I'm an only child.
I don't feel my childhood was any different to anyone else's. My dad died aged 89, when I was 39. Mum is still with us, aged 88 - loving life.
I have one child, and they did babysit, though not often, but that was more to do with us living 40 miles away rather than not being physically able to.

My dm was 42 when I was born, but she was very much an 'old lady' by the time I was in senior school. She did no exercise, didn't have a career, grey haired, seemed to be old before her time. She didn't join in with anything, didn't really socialise, didn't travel. She died when I was in my 40s.

I was 45 when I had ds but I have a career, I have a social life, I travel, I run, cycle and practice martial arts. I'm usually the one persuading ds out to have fun, not the other way round.

So I think it depends on personality and lifestyle, as much as age.

This is very true! My mum was 33 when she had me and that felt like an old mum compared to a lot of my friends' mum's!

My dad was 42 when I was born and has always been extremely fit and healthy. They both still are and help tons with my 2DS, age 4 and 2.

The other side is that I have friends who have lost parents whilst in their 20s or early 30s, and whose parents were not "old" when they were born. You just don't know. Just live as healthily as you can and prepare for a range of possibilities. Easier said than done 😅

I was 9 days away from 45 when my 4th was born 10 yrs ago. He is fine. My eldest was 16, daughters in between 10 and 8. He will be fine. We are more experienced, more relaxed, frankly he rules the roost but he is hilarious and I enjoy immensely his company. He loves us and he doesn't know any different. We are slower but we give him loads of attention.