AIBU to be at the brink of despair from my own historic actions?

[Confusedmummy24]

Long story short, I was in an awful relationship X amount of years ago. I had a two children during this relationship and have just discovered via a heritage test, they are not full siblings.

Im fucking mortified, ashamed and wanting to try and do the right thing.

Ive made the children aware. The main child in question doesn’t want to discuss or know further but this may be a temporary reaction.

Worst thing thing is, I think I know who the father is, but I can’t exactly pinpoint and confirm with the relative matches; it is extremely unlikely it is another person, but not inconceivable. I know how this makes me sound and I don’t even want to make excuses for my behaviour. I just need you to be aware of the fact I was in a very bad place at the time.

Do I wait and see what happens or do I try and confirm (which will require speaking to the person/or his family).

We haven’t spoken in a very long time and I’m also cognisant of the fact I’ve robbed him of time with his child.

That’s some bullshit right there. It might hold water if everyone knew everything - clearly they did not nor did anyone inform the father.

ffs.

I couldn’t even be bothered to explain that we did use condoms. This is part of the reason I’m so shocked

Hi, OP -

I hoe you will feeling stronger now going forward.

I agree you are right to be guided by DC on this. It’s possible they are trying to protect you. OTOH, your ex was no prize to put it mildly. Maybe they are relieved not to be his genetic offspring? Also, when you left at first you and the 2 DC were a tight unit and later your DH stepped in as, from the sound of it, a (much better) father in practice. Maybe DC really isn’t all that bothered.

All you can do is keep communications open. Again, you sound like a good mum so I would not worry too much beyond this

Update;
I went ahead and informed everyone involved.
The fallout wasn’t as bad as expected and the potential Dad said he always suspected and offered a DNA test. Ex partner did as expected, Facebook post / told everyone what a slag I am, and how he always knew how evil I was, then continued to not bother with the child who is his.
Kids are all coping well. Very rough spot between myself and DH which is also now resolved after counselling.
In summary, honesty really is the best policy.