Hi i know this is called Mumsnet but I’m a new dad to a baby girl, who’s absolutely incredible at 12weeks she has been as good as gold and starting sleeping through the night since week 8.. all down to get amazing devoted mum/my wife.
I have a question and I’m in intrigued to see if I am being unreasonable. It’s regarding my mother-in-law
I find my mil to be quite interfering at times, and I feel like she crosses some boundaries. I could be wrong but Im interested in other peoples views on the matter.
My mil has often said she sees my child as “her 3rd child” which I find strange. She loves my daughter which is great but I feel it’s the love of a mother to a baby not a grandmother to a baby, if that makes sense.
Sone things that I find inappropriate
1- she says “nana” constantly to my baby!!! an example and I quote “smile for nana, that’s it for nana, nana, big smiles for nana”. she can’t do an actively or anything without saying “nana” in her face, I counted 48 times once in a 36hour period , I have tried to bring this up in a “jokey” way and she says she’s doing it so she knows who her “nana” is, I think she’s doing it to make sure one of her first words is “nana”. I find that I’m now having to talk to be baby and say mummy and daddy way more than what feels natural/normal just because I will be heartbroken if her first world is “nana” simply because it’s said to her so much! I’m also worried that when my child is showing signs of speaking maybe sounding the letter m/n my mil will mouth “nana” instead “mumma”
2- she snatches and tries to take my child out of my arms.. one occasion was when mil was staying over, it was morning and I got up to change her nappy..I went to go back into our bedroom to have morning cuddles and smiles with my wife, when all of sudden my mil opens her door, arms up takes her out of my arms, takes her straight downstairs to play with her, I was in shock and all I could here downstairs was “nana.. nana” another example but this time I was expecting it and I wasn’t allowing it to happen to me again, we were staying around her house, my baby was having a nap on me, she woke up and was making noises, not properly crying but close to tears, for a few seconds which she does after all her naps because she was hungry, my wife was sitting next to me, I was waiting for my wife to get ready to feed her, my mil jumps up off the sofa arms out “I’ll rock her” I said “no she’s just hungry and wants feeding, I then passed her to my wife who wasnt quite ready to feed but wasn’t getting her snatched from my arms again. She was taken back by this.
3- entitlement! mil bought us a pram which was very generous of her, but I feel she thinks that means she’s entitled to push her whenever it comes out. We visited them last weekend and we went for a walk and my wife used our baby carrier as it’s sometimes easier then pushing a pram and it’s nice to be close to the baby. My mil says “I don’t like the carrier it means I can’t look at her and push her” which annoyed me because I work so i don’t often get to the parenting things like pushing her in a pram, accept on weekends and I thought that if we took the pram that moment would had been taken away from me. We have never got the pram out in her company and her not grab it and push it immediately, got given anyone else the option to push her.
4- always calling to find out how the baby is. We had to take our child to a chiropractor as she had lower back pain. Within 10mins of us coming out she was phoning, I felt like she thinks she’s the third parent! My parents waiting till the next day to ask, I’m quite fortunate that my parents give us space and are not the interfering type. I know it can be harder when it’s the fathers mil that is interfering.
5- on a recent visit to my Mil we arrived late around 7:30pm which happened to be our baby’s nap time mil was taken back and disappointed saying “oh but it’s my time with her” we left our baby in her car seat in the lounge with the visor Down, making it dark for her. Mil was itching to look at her, we said “no she’s sleeping” I also said “ it will mess up our routine if you wake her up” we went back and forth to the car unloading stuff, I heard mil husband saying “don’t do it” then mil comes in to the bedroom and says “she’s awake” mil obsession with her meant she had to open the visor and look at her causing her to wake up. She denies it but it was Blatantly obvious she did.
I was chatting to my wife about it but understandably being her mother she sees nothing wrong with it, but I can’t help but think something isn’t right, I may be making mountains out of mole hills but I’d like to know other people’s opinions on the matter.
Thank you