Would it look bad if I tell my new job I can't make their Christmas meal out?

[99ii]

I'm starting a new job in a few weeks, and today they emailed to let me know the date of their Christmas get together and asked if I would like to join. It's an event in the office, and then a Christmas meal after work. I'm on a hybrid contract (one day a week in the office) and the office is 1.5 hours from me.

I really don't want to attend the Christmas meal out as I get really anxious and overwhelmed in social situations (I'm autistic). It always takes me a while to settle into new jobs, and this meal will be the first time I see the whole team at once. I'm also coeliac so I have the additional stress of worrying if there'll be anything I can actually eat on the menu, worries about cross-contamination, etc.

Would I BU if I say a white lie and say that I have already got plans for that evening so I unfortunately can't attend?

"That's very kind of you, unfortunately I already have commitments on that day, but thank you very much for the invitation!"

Job done.

Of course not. Just say you can't make it. If you set the precedent now, you might never have to go.

A previous engagement sounds perfect. I'd definitely go with that

‘Thanks so much for the invitation.

unfortunately I have a family commitment on that evening. ‘

get yourself settled in and next year you will feel more confident about going .

Agree with above. I'd probably be a bit more enthusiastic in my reply and make sure that you sound really grateful to be included (definitely nice of them to think of you) and that you are looking forward to starting and meeting everyone then.