Not even a card!!

[Abitmiffed1]

I recently got married and we had a gorgeous day with friends and family. My sister was matron of honour and her children were page boys. We didn’t ask for gifts as we are a bit older and have everything we need, however most of our guests were very generous and gave us cards/gifts/money etc. Everyone that is apart from my own sister - I was shocked to find that we didn’t even have a card from her and her family. My sister can be quite selfish at times and thinks the world revolves around her, however I feel this is another level - who doesn’t get their own sister a card on their wedding day? Every single other guest - even our evening guests came with a card. I thought maybe something had got lost so I messaged to ask her but she gave me some rubbish excuse about how she had accidentally taken it home with her and she would post it to us the next day - it has still not arrived. AIBU to be upset by this?

OP, you’re being very rigid about what you think are wedding conventions. Do you know and follow all social conventions yourself? Chill. It’s only a bit of paper. She was there in the flesh and, surely, “it’s the thought that counts “.

Yet that really does set people off on here. I think that acknowledgments/thanks in written form isn't needed, but there are many posts asking it it's reasonable to be upset at not getting a thank you card. People even expect them from children. In six weeks time there will be posts re sent Christmas presents. The posters will be told to gift them nothing going forward.

That saying means that even if it was a card from card factory, the thought counts. Not the thought as in nothing physical.

Op, this " I think it boils down to the fact that what I have done for her in the past is not reciprocated and it is upsetting." is daft.

Do you do things for people in order that they do things for you? That's a transactional view of relationships and isn't healthy.

If you feel she's taking or taken the piss, then step back.

She couldn’t be more physical than with her presence and good wishes. Why would a £3.50 card mean more? Some very rigid thinking on this thread.

One of our guests didn’t get us a card OP and I thought it was really fucking rude. It was many years ago now but to have him for the day was £60 and he couldn’t be arsed to buy a 2 quid card and stick his name in the bottom of it? Funnily enough we don’t speak any more.

She's gone to a great deal of trouble to show up and take time to celebrate with you. I wouldn't think of expecting a card from close family.

No one's saying you HAVE to get a card or that you should cause a big stink if someone doesn't get you a card. But I don't think it's unreasonable to feel sad if someone doesn't observe this social convention for you. I guess social conventions are changing and maybe sister doesn't care that much about cards. And if we're generous, perhaps she has not idea that OP cares about cards. Maybe she doesn't go to many weddings. But I think it is a social convention in the UK to take a card to a wedding. It's like thanking the bus driver. No law to say you must, and drivers won't run after you and pelt you with stones if you don't, but it's a polite social convention to do it.

@gedwards666 I’ve been on the bus every day this past week (car problems). No-one thanks the driver anymore. I don’t think they’d hear it anyway, they are cocooned behind their plastic shield.

Of course its bad manners to not take even a card to a wedding.

Sometimes this place is just full of weirdo's. Of course your sister should have given you a card. A card to say congratulations. It is normal. Why do some people think she shouldn't just because it might have cost her money to attend your wedding or because she was part of the wedding party? Answer - they don't. They just need to be disagreeing with someone's perfectly valid feelings of hurt. It's not a 'thank you for allowing me to attend your wedding' card, it's a bloody congratulations card.

cards were left on the table with money in and I was genuinely concerned that a card may have gone missing
Don’t change your story now, op.

Oh do bore off please… I have not changed my story. This was in my first post. I’m not sure what your problem is but you clearly get a kick out of trolling on threads and trying to catch people out.

I wouldn't pay much attention to not getting a card. It's not symbolic of her love and care of you. It could be that she felt she was a fully integrated member of the wedding party with decades of shared history and a card wasn't on the agenda. On reflection, this reflects my experience and history with a family member who I love beyond words