Is my job really that bad??

[ForLemonFinch]

First time posting -
Need someone to tell me I actually have the best job in the world.
Been with my employer for 18 years, one of the only few remaining from the beginning. Know the job inside out and have helped everyone who’s joined the department with training etc.
Spoke for years about progression but nothing transpired.
Over recent years the job has been great for childcare (only reason I have stayed) working from home with no issues with children being at home; can do school pick up/drop offs, don’t miss any school events and I’m there for the kids for all school holidays… some would say it’s a parents dream job!
I’m struggling now as I feel brain dead with the job .. I’ve been asking for challenges/progression but have been told it’s difficult as I work from home, all office staff some only in the role a few months who I have trained are given promotions/challenges and I’m just left doing the same tasks day in day out.. it seems like out of sight out of mind! For context the office relocated a few years ago 1.5 hrs away so i am unable to work from there, with the children it wouldn’t be feasible.

AIBU to feel this way ? On paper it’s a parents dream job but I do miss a challenge and feel I have let myself down being stuck in this position all these years, the pay is reasonable but not great. Id love to leave and get another job with better pay and challenges but then we would be worse off paying for childcare and I wouldn’t be with my children. Just need someone to tell me kids come first and I can make a career when they are older.

I am actually having difficulty in my job ad want to move but I know due to location and time off in the holidays that I need to stick it out

how long more have you got whilst they are in primary ? Could you hold out for a couple more years

Would you consider moving, so you could be in the office?

It does get mentioned occasionally that out of sight is out of mind when it comes to progression so there may be an element of that if you’re permanently remote.

Have you discussed progression at your annual reviews? You may need to wait this out until you’ve got more flexibility and then make a move - most places seem to be insisting on some kind of office presence these days which makes moving roles a bit of a pain!

And make her children change schools??

Potentially, yes?

@Spagettifunctional youngest is only 2 so still have awhile to hold out 😩

@coxesorangepippin relocation isn’t an option.. well not for that job anyways 😂

@FrothyCothy yes I bring this up at any given opportunity 😂.
It’s so frustrating the lack of options due to working remotely. For more context the company is nationwide, so most business is dealt with through teams, just feel like the remote working it’s an excuse. I get on really well with management and support them in all aspects, as by there own words “I’m the only one they trust to do the job correctly” but yet I’m left to the side due to my circumstances.

by there own words I’m the only one they trust to do the job correctly but yet I’m left to the side due to my circumstances.

More likely they don't want the trouble of having to replace you if they promote you. They won't be able to get someone else to do your role as well as you perform it for the salary they pay you.

Poor management either way.

Honestly, it sounds like you have pretty great job security and employers that appreciate your work (even though they are not promoting you due to circumstances).

That kind of security is something I would value in this economic climate and I would be trying to challenge myself in other ways.

Could you take some online classes to train in something that will help you later and give your brain that challenge?

It does sound like a parents dream job and you may never find something that suits your lifestyle like this again. Work is rarely enjoyable, it's like the dentist. Pick the logical option and just get it done as it benefits in the long run :)

Kids come first and you can make a career when you’re older. I truly believe that.

Understand the feeling OP. You are the person who knows everything yet are stuck in the same position and training new people whilst they are progressing on.
It's hard not to feel unappreciated, but you say yourself your job does work to your advantage. A new job probably wouldn't be as great, although it would be a fresh start, new challenges etc. Whilst DC are young, I think flexibility is what you need rather than a huge career change. Most mums around me are working term time or school hours bringing home fairly minimal but they accept it's not forever and time with their kids is more important at the moment.

I'm a bit similar op, the job works well for life and on paper is interesting but it's been 16.5yrs... I tell myself a bit of boredom is the price to pay until the kids are in senior school. But have just managed to move teams!

I think you have a dream set up. Grass is not always greener and your kids will only be little for a short time. Enjoy the work life balance and seeing more of your kids. I missed my daughters winter show last year because of work and I still feel guilty about it. Career can come later but you'll only get the time now with your children while they are still little.

I have a question... And it's horrible, I know. I'm ashamed to ask, but after 18 years in the same place, how are you not running the show? I only ask because it's a hell of a long time and you said you are one of the few who were there from the beginning.

It may be a good job, but it sounds like its actually held you back.

Of course the kids come first and career can come later. You only get this time with them when they're little once and it goes all too quickly. Stick with this job or a similar job until they're in year 9 if you can would be my advice.

What's your support system like?

@FupaTrooper thanks, I needed to hear this.
I know deep down I would be feeling worse if I had to take another job and have to put the kids into childcare.

I previously done a Management course to challenge myself personally. I was hoping this would then help find a better job as DC1 was getting that bit older but then I fell pregnant again so stuck here for a while more 😂 the course I done previously allows me into the final year of a degree course so I think that’s my next step to help challenge myself.

Without sounding big headed I know I’m too clever for this job now which is the frustrating part, I feel I am letting myself down but my kids do come first and it would break my heart not being there for them like I am now.

think I just needed a rant and other people to put it into perspective for me!

Without sounding big headed I know I’m too clever for this job now which is the frustrating part

There are many many mothers in this situation who are sucking it up because it's convenient and fits in with their kids. Not sure what the answer is but you're not alone.

How do you work from home with a two year old. Would that not effect your ability to progress?

Sorry to go against the grain but this set up sounds terrible. You're very experienced so they use you to help train new people, who they then promote over you because you're clearly perceived as being a working from home Mum who doesn't care for her career. The longer you stay in a role like this the harder it's going to be to move elsewhere because they will wonder why you did the same job for so long and didn't ever progress - at that length of time it smacks of low motivation or just bare minimum competence not to sack you. Moving to also better yourself and your career is a good example for your kids, plenty of children have career motivated parents and they are just fine - this sounds like a move you need to make for yourself before you really are stuck

OP You won't progress where you are.
Are you planning on this job until youngest is in high school - that's 10 years away?
If you have to be around for childcare then no you have no choice.

I have a family member who was in a job like yours and he was bored stiff. Despite it being dependable and solid and working for their family he decided he needed a challenge and left.

He has unfortunately now had to take a position at a level below what he was originally after 4 months of job searching and they are selling their home because of the salary cut.

He is highly qualified and technically extremely employable. He thought he would walk into a new role, but things are competitive these days.

I really think people expect too much out of jobs and although sometimes the risk pays off, I would only take the risk of leaving if you are okay with possibly worse employers, kids in childcare, more stressful hours etc etc etc.

If at all possible, hold out until the kids are in primary and further your studies :)
Good luck x

The thought of doing this for another 10 years.. no way 🤯 ! Trying to hold out until DC2 starts school in a couple of years then hopefully gain employment in a school.

This is what worries me and is always in the back of my mind, I feel like a failure at times!
During my maternity leave I was offered other jobs but decided to stay where I was due to the flexibility so hopefully I’m still employable in another few years 🙏

Are promoted roles advertised internally or are people just tapped on the shoulder for them?

If you are being constantly looked over, PPs are unfortunately probably correct that for whatever reason your managers think you’ve gone as far as you are going to there. It probably is the WFH and childcare - you’re getting the job done with kids around because it’s easy for you, but they’ll be thinking ‘can she take on more responsibility while her toddler is round her ankles?’

I find it easy to be honest.
I hear parents say they would struggle with this all the time but we have a great routine and have no issues. Management have no issues with my quality of work. To be fair a 2 year old is probably easier to deal with than half the office politics that go on!

You're not a failure. The way the company has treated you is really poor. Where I work we've promoted women who have been on mat leave if they've done the best interview.
Personally though I wouldn't even risk waiting a few more years. The job market right now is awful, even since around Covid time I have noticed fewer and fewer jobs. When I advertise for an administrator role I now get 200 applications when previously I'd be getting about 70. Someone who had 20+ years in the same role would be a huge red flag to me, if I'm honest, given there is no shortage of excellent applicants. If you're really not ready to move there's no harm in keeping an eye out and if something looks good think about applying, or try finishing the degree course you mentioned so you have something ticking over more recent for future applications, but I wouldn't just carry on doing this job and not finding some way to progress for much longer. The company is not going to help you, that's clear.