Is my job really that bad??

[ForLemonFinch]

First time posting -
Need someone to tell me I actually have the best job in the world.
Been with my employer for 18 years, one of the only few remaining from the beginning. Know the job inside out and have helped everyone who’s joined the department with training etc.
Spoke for years about progression but nothing transpired.
Over recent years the job has been great for childcare (only reason I have stayed) working from home with no issues with children being at home; can do school pick up/drop offs, don’t miss any school events and I’m there for the kids for all school holidays… some would say it’s a parents dream job!
I’m struggling now as I feel brain dead with the job .. I’ve been asking for challenges/progression but have been told it’s difficult as I work from home, all office staff some only in the role a few months who I have trained are given promotions/challenges and I’m just left doing the same tasks day in day out.. it seems like out of sight out of mind! For context the office relocated a few years ago 1.5 hrs away so i am unable to work from there, with the children it wouldn’t be feasible.

AIBU to feel this way ? On paper it’s a parents dream job but I do miss a challenge and feel I have let myself down being stuck in this position all these years, the pay is reasonable but not great. Id love to leave and get another job with better pay and challenges but then we would be worse off paying for childcare and I wouldn’t be with my children. Just need someone to tell me kids come first and I can make a career when they are older.

This is what I really need to hear, just suck it up until the kids are bigger! They are my priority! Thank you 😊

You do sound like you have a situation that is ideal in some ways. And rocking that boat can be dangerous. It's difficult to balance children and a career.

But to push the other side a little: Is the lack of progression definitely down to your remote working? From your OP it sounds like you weren't getting progression before wfh. It sounds like you're stagnating. Are you really the right fit for the organization nowadays? Is it even the right career for you? Or have you perhaps become pigeon holed by those around you?

DC come first is a well worn phrase and it's true in many ways, but not in the sense of anything to do with DC trumps everything else. Your mental well being and happiness isn't nothing in this equation (nor is the lack of stress over childcare). You also have the medium and long term to think of as well as the immediate. You can build a career when they're older, but it's unlikely to be as good a career because you'll have missed out on years of progression and opportunity. How much is that going to matter to you (and the rest of the family) in 5, 10 or 15 years?

It sounds like you are valued as you are doing the training of new recruits, so obviously trusted and respected to know your stuff.

Im thinking that maybe you would be hard to replace so its easier for the company to keep you in the same position.

Ona side note I really don't understand how you are looking after a 2 year old and working full time? Are they in nursery for part of the day or do you work once they are in bed? Surely at that age you need to be literally following then around?

I totally see where you’re coming from with this but this is why I get so frustrated.. management come to me looking for me to give them guidance/answers .. all whilst my toddlers in the house. If I can actually do their job for them whilst being at home .. why can’t I do the job!

I know they are taking advantage of me, but at the same time I am also taking advantage of them for the flexibility.. I just need to suck it up I suppose.

sorry for the ranting .. just had a bad day today and felt really down. Needed someone to tell me it’s not all that bad and as bad as it is some times us mums just have to suck it up and do what we need to for our families!

99% of the time I think F them I’m the real winner here, no job title is more important than being present for my kids whilst they are young, but today was a tough one just need to keep reminding myself why I’m doing this!

Im not saying you should do that necessarily...but just acknowledging that there are many many women who are doing jobs they're too clever for. Do you watch motherland...have you seen the scene where Anne talks about her previous high powered job...can't remember what it was exactly and then she ends up working in Amanda's shop. It's a perfect example of how women so often end up just doing what fits in with their dc.

Congratulations, you've got yourself into a place where you're great at your job and they'd hate to replace you so therefore they'll never promote you.

You can either try to negotiate a raise (which wouldn't solve your boredom problem) or get another job where you can work from home. Or carry on exactly as you are until retirement, but that's obviously the worst option.

What happens if you threaten to leave, OP?

Sorry should have said I work part time - between naps and organised self play (very independent toddler) we get on great!

I stay in my job due to flexibility. I think a lot of people do.

@ForLemonFinch ah ok! Sounds like you have got home and work life sorted, I would stay where you are until school starts.

Kids comes first for me. I don’t seek promotions or another job because of the same reasons as you. My managers trust me and they let me control my schedule. I’m there for pick up or drop off. I can go to sports day and other school events. I leave early some days to drive my kids to after school activities. If I go for another job for promotion, I won’t be as available for the family.

You will never get another job in which you can work from home with a 2 year old! But seriously OP, you’ve demonstrated to them that your family is your priority, you can’t go into the office because of your parenting commitments, and you actually have a toddler with you while you’re working. All of these factors make you unsuitable for promotion, because it simply wouldn’t fit with your lifestyle and responsibilities. You can’t have it both ways. And anyway, if they gave you more challenging work, surely you’d struggle to do it with your 2 year old at your feet?

I think you’ve got a great set up. As a mother of a 19 year old and a 15 year old, I can tell you that the years fly by, they really do. Make the most of these times, and go for promotions when they’re older.

I’d have a look around. If you get offered something then weigh up the pros and cons of each option. At the moment you’re dissatisfied but don’t have an alternate.
i suspect if you’re a safe pair of hands when you try and resign they might counter anyway, then you’d get the best of both worlds

Personally I’d look for a challenge outside of work, or do a course. Sounds like you have a good deal.

Apologies for the drip feed. I had a slight promotion once I returned from Maternity leave ,which was basically a change of job title to reflect the role I was actually doing. However over the past year I’ve been asking for more challenging tasks .. I’m not so bothered about a job title would just like a job that mentally challenges me, I think the problem is management know I can do there job standing on my head (again not meaning to sound arrogant) but use the WFH as an excuse. I mean I trained the manager!

I think because I never stood up for myself years ago and let people progress above me without saying anything didn’t help matters but I’m a much more confident person now and certainly won’t let what’s happened in previous years continue, not without fighting my own corner.

I was about to post the same. You are too good at your job. I was in a similar position many years ago...big fish, but in a big pond and management knew the other fish better. In a meeting with the boss I told him I was going to be honest that I was looking elsewhere as I wasn't getting the opportunities and gave reasons and evidence. He was a very good boss, and made sure I was given the opportunity. I stayed until they had one restructure too many 12 years later (he'd been restructured out 8 years earlier)

I think the managers are refusing to promote you because you are doing a really good job. They don't have to worry about you or your work. You fulfil something that means they don't have to think about that section of the company. Why would they move you?

So you have three options:

1. Stay and keep doing what you're doing, valuing the flexibility of the job and the stability.
2. Leave and risk getting/not getting another job that is as comfortable or
3. Negotiate. Tell them you feel under utilised, that replacing you will be a massive headache, point out everything you've said here with details - numbers, facts, your initiative in studying etc and you want more responsibility and more money. If they fob you off, then resign and see if they ask for you back and offer you what you want.

The third option is risky but no more so than option 2.

We regret the things we don't do, not the things we do, and the pain of staying has to be worse than the pain of leaving before we jump. I wish you well whatever your choice. But if you don't say anything then nothing will change.

@ForLemonFinch in recent years I left a job I’d been in for nearly two decades. It seemed almost impossible to imagine I’d get get another role that was wfh, part time, flexible and in my field but I did. When you have been somewhere that long it can feel like you couldn’t possibly leave but ultimately no person is irreplaceable and your skills are no doubt transferable. There are other jobs that fit the criteria, you just have to look a bit harder to find them. You can’t force yourself to stay another 10 years with no room for growth or challenge, you’ll be miserable.

Could you offer to go into the office one day a week if they offer you a better role?

Set goals to refresh skills so when your youngest starts preschool you can actively start applying for new jobs.

If you have a job that is easy enough to do with a 2 year old at home then it is either an incredibly easy job (in which case you’ve hit the jackpot for your current circumstances) or your child is getting less attention than they deserve.

I have a 2 year old, I work from home part time, I pay for childcare. My job is more flexible than most things I can find.

If you want more of a challenge you’d need to make it work financially because starting any new job and passing probation, making contacts etc would probably be really difficult compared to doing a job you know inside out. So you would need to factor in paid childcare.

If you could move up a level but with fewer hours you could potentially work more effectively on work days and then have really fun quality days with DC outside of that.

Open University has some very affordable (and I think some free) modules, some of those might challenge you and make you more employable.

Do you a partner? Is the need to provide childcare factored into their career satisfaction and progression?

You come across as quite sanctimonious… ‘no job title is more important than being present for my kids…’ 🙄🙄

Also your job must be pretty low level as no one can work around a two year old. If you only work when they nap or are ‘playing independently’ then you can’t have a job where you make decisions or have to meet deadlines etc?

if others are being promoted and you aren’t it might be time to look at the reasons a little bit more deeply…

Thank you all so much for the advice and for the kick up the bum I needed to hear today.

Feel slightly better knowing it’s not just me that’s unhappy in there job but doing it for the kids.

I know Im lucky being able to do what I do with the kids and I would struggle to find another role where I’m trusted and have the flexibility I do! Kids are only young once and I would feel a lot worse if I missed out on them growing up.

To be honestly im happy enough in the job it’s just the lack of challenges that get me down.

It’s always hard when you go on LinkedIn and see people basically 2/3 years out of school running a business .. and im over here like why am I getting no where !! 😂😂 But my kids .. that’s why .. The emotional rollercoaster of sacrifices parents make!

thank you !! Xx

I find this attitude really depressing. So if you’re not on the greasy pole you’re one or the other not motivated or something? I stuck in the same job for 10 years with no progression because I loved the people, the department and what my role supported in the wider department. Not everyone is after management and it would be great if we didn’t have a revolving door of people in certain roles.