Is my job really that bad??

[ForLemonFinch]

First time posting -
Need someone to tell me I actually have the best job in the world.
Been with my employer for 18 years, one of the only few remaining from the beginning. Know the job inside out and have helped everyone who’s joined the department with training etc.
Spoke for years about progression but nothing transpired.
Over recent years the job has been great for childcare (only reason I have stayed) working from home with no issues with children being at home; can do school pick up/drop offs, don’t miss any school events and I’m there for the kids for all school holidays… some would say it’s a parents dream job!
I’m struggling now as I feel brain dead with the job .. I’ve been asking for challenges/progression but have been told it’s difficult as I work from home, all office staff some only in the role a few months who I have trained are given promotions/challenges and I’m just left doing the same tasks day in day out.. it seems like out of sight out of mind! For context the office relocated a few years ago 1.5 hrs away so i am unable to work from there, with the children it wouldn’t be feasible.

AIBU to feel this way ? On paper it’s a parents dream job but I do miss a challenge and feel I have let myself down being stuck in this position all these years, the pay is reasonable but not great. Id love to leave and get another job with better pay and challenges but then we would be worse off paying for childcare and I wouldn’t be with my children. Just need someone to tell me kids come first and I can make a career when they are older.

If you have a job that is easy enough to do with a 2 year old at home then it is either an incredibly easy job (in which case you’ve hit the jackpot for your current circumstances) or your child is getting less attention than they deserve.

This was my first thought!
A job you can easily do just when toddler naps and does a bit of independent play sounds like the dream for most mums.
I used to work a pt minimum wage job when my kids were really little as it only thing that would fit round them and be flexible, I was busy rushed off my feet and utterly exhausted by the time I got home. It was hard work and crap pay but I felt like the only option at that time despite having better qualifications. OPs job sounds ideal.

Do you have kids ? Because I’d say no job title is more important than being present for my kids.

Some parents are happy to have high flying careers and put their kids into child care 40 hours a week but that’s not for me hence the post!

Also, no my job is not low level - as stated previously I find it easy working from home with my child, no issues with the quality of my work or meeting any deadlines. Also my child is well looked after and entertained through the day.

I think your job sounds perfect for the stage of life you are at presently.

The alternative is work in the office, fulltime and put your children into childcare while spending a big proportion of your salary paying for it and a proportion of your time commuting.

I had the same dilemma and just started a new job this week which has meant taking on more hours and giving up being term time only. I see it as if I have to be away from my children at work then I would rather be doing a job that I am truly passionate about, uses my skills, feels meaningful and makes me happy. I feel that my children are happy with their childminder/ will enjoy holiday clubs and that I will cherish the time I do have with them and hopefully be more present. I think they will benefit from having a happier Mum. I also feel like having an identity outside of being Mum helps my mental health. I may live to regret my choice as it is early days but currently feel positive.

Don't get gaslighted into thinking there's nothing better for you. If you're as good as you say lots of companies would be lucky to have you and help you progress

You would need to be careful trying to move elsewhere and thinking you would have this flexibility - being paid to do a job while doing your own childcare !

Caring for a child while working could be construed as gross misconduct apart from a special one off circumstance due to sudden illness and I doubt you would get this flexibility in most other organisations. I suspect this is part of the background to you being overlooked - it suits your bosses that your current work quality is good, but they may be concerned that to consider promotion, more challenge would not be possible with your current arrangement. I think you would be best served to continue in your current job at least until your youngest goes to school and in the meantime for personal challenge think about that degree / more training

I say this kindly but if you have been there 18 years and had no progression then it’s not going to happen and the remote working is just an excuse they say to you. It may be great for childcare but equally you could have changed jobs years ago for something better.

There's no way I'd promote someone who I knew was doing the job while looking after a toddler at the same time. So maybe they think you can do the basic role like this but anything more advanced would be impossible.

I don't think having a job where you need proper childcare is missing out on them growing up more than working while you look after them.

Where is DH in this? Why can't you take a better paid job elsewhere that would require childcare? Or commute the 1.5 hours and he does pick up and drop off some of the time? If you're a team, these things are both your responsibility. It's not just up to you to put your career on hold.

I'm a bit confused by how long you were working in this job before children (how old is your oldest DC)? What was getting in the way of promotion before you returned from your first mat leave?

What do you do?
I presume it's not a full time role as I cannot imagine working productively while caring for a 2 year old and other children, doing all school runs, events and all holidays. Or do you have some childcare? How are you entertaining a 2 year old while you work, and how did you manage when the children were babies?

Indeed such a job would be a parent's dream, but I'm struggling to think what the job is.

Sorry, just seen you are part time. How part time?

Be careful what you wish for. I’m in a similar situation so I took a side step change of role in the company I work for a few years ago. I was bored and wanted to do something new whilst staying with the same company because my home/work balance suits me as a sole parent.

The role I’m doing now is so much harder and stressful. Three others in my team made the jump at the same time as me, and we all want to go back to our old team, but have been told we can’t - because there’s a never ending backlog of work in the new role.

I thought I’d be doing something more interesting (and occasionally it is) but more often than not, it’s a lot more complex/challenging/stressful work for no extra money. I should have stuck to plodding along in the previous role until my children are older.

Part time compliance officer.
DH works from home also so we split the responsibility.
I have no set hours only a certain amount per day to work at any time so I find it fairly easy with the children.

Hence the frustration it’s the perfect job on paper for a parent but struggling with the lack of growth available to me.

DC1 is 11 I was there 7 years before first maternity. Previously there was no progression for anyone but was a great place to work, only recently 2-3 years have promotions been happening due to retirements, new SMT etc

I hope this works out for you! This is what I battle with all the time but I think once DC2 starts school I’ll take the leap like yourself.

Yes I have two, it doesn’t have to be ‘either or’. I have a ‘high flying’ career AND my children weren’t at childcare 40 hours a week. I think you are very blinkered.

I worked part time when my children were younger, worked really hard and progressed to a very senior professional role. Which I’m still in, I’ve been at the same firm for 24 years but have gone from Assistant Manager to Director in that time. There is no way I could ever have done my job with a two year old running around. Be honest, either your job is suffering or your child is. At most workplaces having no childcare is gross misconduct. It also can’t be anything but low level, how do you take calls/sort issues/talk to clients if it doesn’t happen to be nap time? 🙄🙄

and if your one child is 2, you’ve been there 18 (?) years, why didn’t you progress in the 10 (I don’t know how old your other child is) years?

In my many years' experience as a senior manager, the longer someone stays in a role the less motivated they become. You may well be a unicorn in that regard but when I have 200 applications to shortlist with people who are enthusiastic, willing to go above and beyond because they want to learn, I can't afford to take the risk on you. Sorry.

I totally agree, no director could work with a child running around but that’s not my role and I don’t aspire to become a director or any member of SMT.

The post is about my current role and how it works perfectly for me as a parent, however I’m struggling mentally how the role doesn’t challenge me but I’ll never find a job with as much flexibility.

My role is very unique and I understand most people won’t understand how it’s manageable but it definitely is.

Everyone compromises somewhere, If the flexibility and being there for your kids is the most important thing for you, then it sounds the perfect job. Plenty of people have dull jobs that don't have those benefits. Some people need the mental stimulation and would hate it. There is no right or wrong. It sounds like it works well for you so no need to worry about it too much,

Honestly if the pay is okay don't change. If you factor in a small commute of an hour a day imagine how much extra that would cost you. Plus the extra time you won't be paid for. Plus all the delays, bad weather and other stuff you will inevitably run into. A daily commute could see you out of pocket even with a pay increase, particularly if you value your time.

Add to this the extra stress of getting ready, preparing lunches or budgeting for them if buying at work, getting kids ready to a tighter deadline. Feeling tired from being out of the house all day and potentially already burnt out when you get home, and still have everything in the house to do because you couldn't potter about during the days. Absolutely not worth it.

Find something personal that you enjoy and will make you feel fulfilled. Write a book. Take up dance classes. Make art. Learn a language. Self worth doesn't have to be tied to our jobs and it sounds like with the flexibility you have right now you have an ideal set up for you and your family.

Self worth doesn't have to be tied to our jobs

This. We (men and women) are conditioned to think otherwise. There are so many more ways we can be mentally stimulated if that is what we need.

I think the remote working is a red herring, I actually think it's more the part time hours and your inconsistent presence. What are your contracted number of hours?
You say you go to all school events. Do you prioritise those over work meetings?
I don't doubt your quality of work, but I do wonder how a promotion would fit with your current set up.

And all school runs. If your LO goes to nursery next year you'll likely have 3 maybe 4 school runs between 8.30 and 3

I always think that people who say that being focused and progressing your career is motivating for children, particularly young children, is a fallacy.

Yes, a parent who gains satisfaction from working is more likely to be a happy parent, but does a 2 year old really think, 'I am so pleased that Mummy has made it to CEO of Rio Tinto-Zinc, she is so fulfilled'? Once you are at work, a child won't actually care if you are stacking shelves or running a multi national corporation. When they are adults and understand what 'work' actually involves they may appreciate your drive and ambition, but at the time, you are just giving your time and attention to some abstract other.

Of course a 2 year old doesn't care, like you say to them it's just 'Mum isn't around' but as you start getting older there are ways of framing it. My Mum was studying and working two jobs as I grew up, she wasn't around a huge amount but I don't feel like I suffered for it, then as I kept getting older I had and still have a huge admiration for how she managed to claw a career while also raising 2 kids. I have a strong work ethic and have also studied around work. My youngest sister on the other hand had my Mum at home full time for 7 years and has a crap work ethic and also lacks ambition entirely. Obviously this is a sample size of precisely one family so I'm not suggesting it is widespread but I would be interested to see how it affects kids, and also the other way - OP's almost martyrdom about not possibly progressing because her kids need her there non stop, do they actually care about that either? If they do, is it good for them? Again my sister was a very needy child and needed my Mum going everywhere with her for years and we have all attributed that to my Mum being a SAHM with just her. It's an interesting topic.

I do agree that it is not a one-size-fits-all analysis on my part; everyone has to come up with their own compromises based on their own particular circumstances. Children will adapt to whatever life their parents give them and most will come out of it ok.

My brother and I experienced the same level of parental involvement; he is a high flier in the corporate world and lives to work whereas I find the majority of my fulfilment outside work and have no ambitions to climb up the corporate ladder.

I know someone who has worked from home for several years (male) doing a somewhat niche job.

Someone once said, that this person was irreplaceable.

I laughed & said, nobody is irreplaceable !
Because I have been part of office mergers & office closures & I have seen some odd job roles that have been passed to new employees.
Beware of this in the future & AI !

I agree with a previous poster, find your excitement outside of work, with a hobby or learn something new.

You have no commute & it seems no childcare bill. You have a comfortable, easy job.
Many people would envy your current position !