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Original poster

When can you leave teenagers home alone overnight?

100 replies

Lanzarotelady · 06/11/2024 19:11

So my son is 16, I am not even thinking about it at the moment but when he is 17 I am thinking of leaving him overnight so my husband and I can have a night away?

Legally, morally can we do this if he is under 18?

He is sensible - knows how to get help - we have good neighbours who we would let know etc, to be fair as long as as there's wifi and snacks he wouldn't know we weren't there!

Or am I totally overthinking this?

OP posts:
FreshOrangeJuice · 06/11/2024 20:26

twobluskies · 06/11/2024 20:11

Jumping on this
I have a 17 year old and 10 year old , get on very well and can leave them all night if we go out . Haven't left them more than a few hours though . We have family/ friends within walking distance who we can let know if they need help . Both can cook . Was thinking of a weekend away . What's the opinion .

you could hire a 17 year old babysitter so of course it’s ok

BeatsAntique · 06/11/2024 20:34

Mine was a month away from 16, but very sensible. You know your DC best.

Diversion · 06/11/2024 20:38

I was left occasional nights at 16 and then over a week at 17. I would have left 3 out of 4 of our children overnight at 16, the other one would have likely advertised a party on My Space!

Printedword · 06/11/2024 20:40

The things you actually need to think about are, firstly, does he know how to stay safe and is he happy to be left. Secondly, can you trust him not to have a party or inappropriate gathering.

Zanatdy · 06/11/2024 20:43

I started leaving mine alone overnight at 16. Daughter was 3wks shy of her 16th day. It’s generally one night, when I go on a work trip. But most has been 3 nights. The dog is with her, and she’s not afraid of staying home alone. She also cooks her own dinner as standard, but I wash up! Her dad also pops in daily, so it’s absolutely fine. 3 nights is the most i’m comfortable at the moment. I mean at 16 I had a baby (her eldest brother) so was perfectly capable of caring for myself and a baby.

RobinEllacotStrike · 06/11/2024 21:17

My 16 year old has started having nights alone this year. She enjoys it and I remember very much enjoying it myself at the same age.

She is pretty sensible.

Comedycook · 06/11/2024 21:20

My ds is 16...he's not been left overnight and I wouldn't dream of it at the moment. My main worry is just his absent mindedness... locking up the house, turning off the oven etc

RobinEllacotStrike · 06/11/2024 21:21

He will be fine. I think this can be hard for us as parents to start letting go. We've been "on" so much gif so long and suddenly all that has to change.

As dd says - in 1 or 2 years I'll be a legal adult and have to navigate the world.

We have to trust all we have taught them, and release them to responsibilities of life.

An evening alone at home is a great start.

Have a lovely weekend away.

ThinWomansBrain · 06/11/2024 21:26

I left my parents home when I was16.

mrlistersgelfbride · 06/11/2024 21:45

We were left overnight at 17 (my brother was 15) and my parents were very strict in other ways.
We may have had small party. It was absolutely fine.
There is no problem with this as long as your son is sensible.

Iwontlethtesungodownonme · 06/11/2024 21:48

I lived alone at 17.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 06/11/2024 22:04

Provided that he is sensible and mature, hasn’t got SN, is happy with the situation and has a few emergency numbers he can call, this sounds fine.
He will probably mainly be watching tv or with friends anyway.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 06/11/2024 22:24

twobluskies · 06/11/2024 20:11

Jumping on this
I have a 17 year old and 10 year old , get on very well and can leave them all night if we go out . Haven't left them more than a few hours though . We have family/ friends within walking distance who we can let know if they need help . Both can cook . Was thinking of a weekend away . What's the opinion .

This very much depends on your individual DC - both the 10 year old and the 17 year old .

No qualms whatsoever in leaving a 16/17 year old by themselves - but not sure I would want to have left my 17 year old in charge of a much younger sibling, nor left my 10 year old with someone who was want a fully responsible adult. A 17 yo and a 13 yo, yes.

NeedToChangeName · 06/11/2024 22:30

Echobelly · 06/11/2024 19:36

It's fine - my dad worked abroad when I was 16 and when mum went to stay with him I was often on my own for a few nights, as my siblings were at university.

We left our kids 'home alone' aged 12 and 15 for two nights out of 4 last year as we booked a special weekend for husband's 50th and assumed between our parents and siblings (who are local) they could stay with someone, only it turned out everyone either had guests or was unavailable for part of the time! Plus the last time we'd been away for a night or two a year earlier and the kids stayed with my parents, they found it very stressful getting to school because my parents are about half a hour further away, so both kids preferred being at home on the 'school nights'. Oldest was very sensible and both could make dinner, I don't think anyone could sanely claim they were at any risk to be unsupervised.

We likely have 3 nights away with friends next year and I think that will be the first time we will leave them entirely to it - they'll be 13 and nearly 17 at that point.

12 is too young

DelilahBucket · 06/11/2024 22:32

Well if my next door neighbour is anything to go by, 13. Yes, I kid you not. With his girlfriend too. Mind you, they often left the other two home alone together as well, the youngest was 4, eldest 9. Maybe not such a good idea. 16 on the other hand, fine. I moved out of home at 16.

twobluskies · 06/11/2024 22:36

Thanks for opinions
Yes I agree it depends on the children . My two girls get on really well . Younger 10
adores her older sister and eldest 17 is very responsible . We can leave them in day and at night but not done overnight and next day

Daisy12Maisie · 06/11/2024 22:40

My son moved out at exactly 16 and a half. He joined the RAF. Then he got his car soon after turning 17 so he just turns up at home at weekends when he feels like it. They are more than capable as teenagers of looking after themselves. Nice to fuss over them and look after them when you can but it isn't needed 24/7

Waitingfordoggo · 06/11/2024 22:58

We left our 16 year-old son home alone for four nights in the summer. It wasn’t originally planned that way but we were going abroad for a wedding and he decided he wanted to stay home to collect his GCSE results in person (and go to the subsequent celebratory Nando’s trip and then afterparty 😂)

He does have grandparents about a 5 minute walk away though and they popped in a few times and kept an eye on him and they had dinner together a couple of nights.

We left our DD alone for three nights at around the same age. Both proved themselves trustworthy.

Love51 · 06/11/2024 23:09

Ponoka7 · 06/11/2024 19:22

I think unless you live in a very dangerous area and he's going to broadcast that he's alone, he should be able to be left at 16.
The joining the Army bit is neither here or there, because everything is done for you and you are never alone. I don't know why people say it. You can't rent your own accommodation anymore at 16 and wouldn't be given residency of a newborn.

I thought it was a Young Ones reference - I'm 16, I can join the army but I can't drink in pubs!

Echobelly · 07/11/2024 07:10

NeedToChangeName · 06/11/2024 22:30

12 is too young

Show quote history

On their own , yes, but not with an older sib, and that will vary for child to child. Obviously they have to be ok with it, DH's niece, for example didn't like to be without an adult and just with older brother overnight when she was 13 so they didn't do that.

Beezknees · 07/11/2024 07:11

Of course you legally do it, I was pregnant at 17 and wasn't even living with my parents any more.

My DS is 16 and I haven't left him yet overnight though to be honest.

TheaBrandt · 07/11/2024 07:12

Depends on the teen but likely 15 definitely 16. If feel my parenting would have gone awry if I couldn’t leave a NT 16 year old for a night or two unsupervised

Vettrianofan · 07/11/2024 07:13

Namechangedforspooky · 06/11/2024 19:15

My parents went away without me for a week when I was 17. It was totally fine (pre mobile phones!). I may have had a party….
It’ll totally fine as long as you can trust him not to trash your house….

Also same when I was 17. I stayed behind when they went on holiday to Greece with my brother, and I carried on working part time.

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/11/2024 07:25

I have to say I am scarred on this topic because when I was a teen a friend had a party in the family home when the parents were away which resulted in over 100 people (mainly random people who were much older) turning up, police being called out, house being completely trashed (not just messy but structural damage: staircase pulled away from the wall). Drug paraphernalia and shit in the back garden. I was a fairly rebellious teenager but I was terrified by how fast something like that can happen if a kid decides to have a “gathering”. And this was before social media.

I would be very reluctant to leave a child under 18 overnight. But I don’t think that’s a rational point of view.

A sensible kid would probably manage this from 15. It all depends on the child and if your child is sensible and practical it’s probably fine but it’s other people (their friends and peers) who pose the biggest risk.

Sosigrole · 07/11/2024 07:29

We’ve just left our 16 year old son overnight, from about lunchtime on the Saturday to 2pm on the Sunday, asked next door neighbours to keep an eye and ear out, think he stayed up all night gaming and was fine.

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