To have left my hospital appt

[Rainbowf]

Please no horrible comments as I’m feeling really upset about this.

I went to hospital today to have a mole removed. I’ve had this mole for years and years, my friend noticed it looked a bit different when we were away so I went to my gp who fast tracked me to hospital and I was sent for surgery.

I was feeling very anxious about this already and had no other conversations with my doctor or anyone about it. I understood though from reading up about it that because of the awkward place my mole is on that it would leave some kind of scar for a while etc.

The doctor came out before my surgery with someone else and I was completely thrown by how he was with me. He said that he recommended I come up as “you said the mole has changed and it’s slightly irregular but i think the mole is likely benign”. Then said that he needed to let me know that due to where my mole was there was a risk of a keloid scar, which I haven’t heard of before and I know it’s stupid of me. He then said that this scar can cause severe itching, pain, and it’s raised and bumpy. Possible risk of infection too. That it’s permenant and something I’ll have for the rest of my life. And with that in mind do I want to still go ahead, as he didn’t want me to regret having it done as it will be noticeable. That I’m young and it will be with me the rest of my life. The language he used made me feel like I didn’t need to be there so made me doubt it.

I understand that they need to go through the risks but the tone and way he spoke to me made me feel so uneasy, I wasn’t sure what to do so I asked what he recommended then and he said he can’t recommend either way, but said that in my position I can either go through with it or I could wait a few months and see if the mole changes again and rebook for removal. That it’s likely benign. I said I’m worried it’s cancerous but he said it’s my decision.

he made me feel so upset, as the tone was harsh, I asked to have a couple of minutes to think and maybe call someone and he said if I need to do that then I’m clearly not ready to do it. I was already anxious and tbh after the way he came across I felt even more uneasy to go ahead with it even if I wanted to so felt I couldn’t even say yes to going ahead. I ended up crying as I felt I was leaving for vanity reasons and they said nothing and offered no sympathy. So I left and said I’d keep an eye on it

i now wonder if I did the wrong thing leaving as I’m also scared it’s cancerous and just feel really stressed and pathetic by the whole thing, i needed some reassurance and i felt like I was purposely being put off.

please im feeling very fragile so if i was completely stupid please go easy on me.

I think you made a sensible decision based on the info you were given by someone who knows what they are talking about.
Keep an eye on it and make a decision in a couple of months, unless it changes sooner.

I have had moles removed and they went through exactly the same information with me. One of the ones I had was on my face and the scaring could have been very visible, and they made that very clear to me. It is better that they tell you clearly about all these points than they go ahead and for you to be unhappy with the result, as there is nothing to do about it at that point.

It is okay that you weren't ready to do it today and that you need some more time to think. When you are ready, you can make another appointment.

You weren’t being purposely being put off he was just explaining the possible outcomes , they are obliged to do that .

I think you did the right thing as you were presented on the spot with a lot of new information, you will need time to digest that and re-think what you want to do.

I think that you should do quite a bit of your own research and have detailed conversations with the relevant medical professionals before agreeing to any surgical procedure. As you clearly hadn’t done this on this occasion, leaving was probably the right thing to do.

Take the opportunity to do research and inform yourself, now.

I feel for you OP 💐 but I do think that's the best option, you don't want to regret it! Also sounds like you hadn't researched/didn't have all the information. Which you do now!

It sounds a really upsetting incident. You were caught off guard by the doc's questions and manner and simply didn't know what to do.
It was confusing that your GP fast tracked you and the hospital doctor thought there was no need. No wonder you feel shken.
One thing to consider now is how much you would mind having an unsightly scar if that happened (it might not) and how worried you are about the mole being cancerous (it might not be). The surgeon was correct in saying that at the moment they can't tell for sure about either aspect of this.
As to what to do next, you probably need a day or two to get over the shock and talk it over with friends, then you could go back to your GP for advice if you have decided you want the mole removed immediately. And/or you could contact PALS and ask them for help.
Good luck.

I think you made a reasonable decision based on the information you had available.

The doctor clearly thought that the risk of a permanent and uncomfortable scar outweighed the risk of cancer. He cannot tell you what to do, only give you the facts and let you decide. However I think he put you under an unfair time pressure.

I agree with @Bertielong3 Sleep on it, and then call the clinic and ask to discuss it.

Honestly I used to assess medical reports for skin lesions and he would have whipped that mole off if he thought it was cancerous!!

The fact he focussed on the damage a likely un necessary op would cause should reassure you it’s not serious.

I would re-visit in a few months.

the gruff tone and last minute change of plans has been upsetting, but ultimately the right thing happened here. The surgeon advised you of the pros and cons of proceeding. He explained that removing the mole and getting it tested is actually a procedure that comes with risk. You then became an empowered patient and made a decision for yourself.

i had a mole removed and had to deal with a year of pain from the healing and it still gives me twinges. I don’t regret it because I had it removed because it was causing daily pain in the first place. I just got different pain post surgery.

that experience definitely informed my decision about a second spot though. It is almost certainly benign, but uncomfortable as well. I’d like it gone, but given its location the surgeon advised or will heal poorly. I decided the trade off on that one wasn’t worth it. So I keep an eye on it and deal with the occasional discomfort

. I am just lucky that my surgeon is the sweetest, kindest woman in the world so these conversations go very differently.

Not stupid OP. It’s a lot to take in when someone is talking medical speak at you.
Perhaps take someone with you for future appointments. It sounds like you were put on the spot and thought with your head rather than really digest it calmly. Which is normal.

And just wanted to add, if he thought it was cancer he would have yanked that thing out with really wide margins. You would have gotten a different talk about how to minimize keloid scarring, but told to deal with it if it happens.

This.
I’ve had a mole removed and the mark is virtually invisible, if it helps.

surgeons have to explain the risks and benefits of a procedure. It’s very reasonable for you to have some time to think about it before proceeding and fine to keep an eye on it rather than having surgery
I had a similar mole removed and have a very broad unattractive scar . It was a benign mole.

on the positive side you have had a specialist opinion reassurance and it sounds like you have made the right decision for you.

They aren’t there to provide you with reassurance on having the removal OP because as he told you, in his professional opinion, it’s not absolutely necessary so it’s your choice. His job is to give you all of the facts and it sounds like that’s exactly what he did. Maybe it would be worth you taking someone with you to the next appointment so you can discuss with them? As the issue with trying to have that discussion with the professional in this situation is they can’t advise you either way, they can only give you the facts and let you make your decision.

It's difficult to tell without being there and hearing the tone. They are obliged to tell you all of that stuff and it's all normal. Sounds like it didn't look too dangerous but if it's changed shape/ size etc best to get it whipped off - it's really not a big deal. Gp obviously had enough reason to refer you. The procedure takes them 15 minutes, probably the same amount of time you spent discussing and going back and forth with him - I imagine that's why he got impatient. There's a huge wait list for these type of things and they want people in and out quickly.

As a stage 3 skin cancer patient a small scar would be the least of my worries however.

If it hasn’t been done already, you should, or get somebody else to, take a photograph of the mole alongside a ruler. Then you can photograph at a later date and compare photos for any changes. I’m no expert, but I think things to be wary of are increases in size, darkening in colour and jagged edges. You can even pay a skin specialist to do this for you.

It sounds to me like. He feels it's benign, but he can still remove it, if you like. However it risks leaving a keloid scar that could be more trouble than a benign mole. I'm not really seeing the issue

This is the consent process and there is no way to sugar coat it.
He cannot do this procedure without you being fully aware of the risks, side effects and complications.
Keloid scars can be very prominent and troublesome and his assessment was that you were at risk of developing this for what seemed to be a benign appearing mole.
If he was concerned it was cancerous, then most likely he would have emphasised the importance of diagnosis/removal and how it would outweigh the risk of keloid.
Ultimately, the decision is (nearly*) always yours.

*I caveat it with nearly in the case life saving treatment when you are not in a position to consent and there is no advanced directive. The decision will then lie with the medial team. Obviously this is not the case here.

Please do this.
It will help track any changes so you can either see if it is changing, and then show the surgeon

You said your friend thought it had changed. Do you?

Sleep on it. Phone them tomorrow.

Given the choice between a mole that I'd always be worrying about, or a removal and small scar. I would choose the scar.

It will be small and I'd cover it with makeup. If it itches or is sore I know it'll be because it's healing.

I had a mole removed that was suspicious so I went straight for removal rather than have biopsy done. I asked them to take as big a margin as they wanted as I wanted it gone.
I did develop a keloid scar but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to live with the uncertainty as I am a full time carer for my DS. Recovery took a few days, pain was manageable with some mild painkillers.
It itches from time to time and is raised but for me it was worth it.
Oh and in the end it wasn’t anything to worry about.

@Rainbowf if it helps, keloid scars are not all that common and can be reduced / treated by using scar gel, hydrocolloid patches and also injections which help to dissolve the scar, I know because I’m prone to them and have successfully had several treated ( privately now as it’s no longer covered on the NHS). I would try to get my appointment rebooked if I were you

Thank you, i was clearly not informed before and panicked, I know the surgeon was just doing his job and I took it too personally because I was so anxious. I wish I wasn’t like this.

I personally never noticed a change myself. As I can’t see the mole so my friend took a photo as she noticed it. I’m not sure if it definitely changed as it’s always been a bit of an oval shape and quite big, ever since I was a teen. The doctor even looked at it back then and checked again 6 weeks later and it hadn’t changed so wasn’t concerned, this was years ago though. I don’t remember the size of it then.

One thing the surgeon also commented on was that the mole looked the same as the photo taken three weeks ago. And it hasn’t changed in that time.

I’ll have a think and I have a picture with a tape measurement on it from over a month ago so ask my husband to do it again tomorrow and make a decision on whether to rebook or keep monitoring it.