To have left my hospital appt

[Rainbowf]

Please no horrible comments as I’m feeling really upset about this.

I went to hospital today to have a mole removed. I’ve had this mole for years and years, my friend noticed it looked a bit different when we were away so I went to my gp who fast tracked me to hospital and I was sent for surgery.

I was feeling very anxious about this already and had no other conversations with my doctor or anyone about it. I understood though from reading up about it that because of the awkward place my mole is on that it would leave some kind of scar for a while etc.

The doctor came out before my surgery with someone else and I was completely thrown by how he was with me. He said that he recommended I come up as “you said the mole has changed and it’s slightly irregular but i think the mole is likely benign”. Then said that he needed to let me know that due to where my mole was there was a risk of a keloid scar, which I haven’t heard of before and I know it’s stupid of me. He then said that this scar can cause severe itching, pain, and it’s raised and bumpy. Possible risk of infection too. That it’s permenant and something I’ll have for the rest of my life. And with that in mind do I want to still go ahead, as he didn’t want me to regret having it done as it will be noticeable. That I’m young and it will be with me the rest of my life. The language he used made me feel like I didn’t need to be there so made me doubt it.

I understand that they need to go through the risks but the tone and way he spoke to me made me feel so uneasy, I wasn’t sure what to do so I asked what he recommended then and he said he can’t recommend either way, but said that in my position I can either go through with it or I could wait a few months and see if the mole changes again and rebook for removal. That it’s likely benign. I said I’m worried it’s cancerous but he said it’s my decision.

he made me feel so upset, as the tone was harsh, I asked to have a couple of minutes to think and maybe call someone and he said if I need to do that then I’m clearly not ready to do it. I was already anxious and tbh after the way he came across I felt even more uneasy to go ahead with it even if I wanted to so felt I couldn’t even say yes to going ahead. I ended up crying as I felt I was leaving for vanity reasons and they said nothing and offered no sympathy. So I left and said I’d keep an eye on it

i now wonder if I did the wrong thing leaving as I’m also scared it’s cancerous and just feel really stressed and pathetic by the whole thing, i needed some reassurance and i felt like I was purposely being put off.

please im feeling very fragile so if i was completely stupid please go easy on me.

If I had to choose between a possibly cancerous mole or a scar, it wouldn't take more than a few seconds to decide.

I had a mole removed back in May and it has left quite a big nasty scar on my stomach.

Not sore but it can be painful if I press on it.

Before the removal I has seen the GP and two separate dermatologists who all said they thought it would be benign but there is no way for them to be 100% sure without removal so it was a no brainer for me personally ( I appreciate that everyone feels differently).

My mole did turn out to be benign thankfully and I would make the exact same decision tomorrow, no regrets at all. Skin cancer can be nasty so that peace of mind has been worthwhile for me despite the scar I have been left with.

Happy to share a photo if that would be helpful at all. Absolutely nothing wrong with taking some time to think it all over OP

Not stupid at all. I had a hospital procedure yesterday to remove a lump from the inside of my lip. I was also "challenged" as to whether it was necessary and the downsides were explained to me.
It did make me wonder whether I should just to continue to live with it but decided to get it removed as I'd already waited for 2 years.
I was very emotional and wept throughout the procedure. Not mad sobbing, just tears rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't control it.

I'm glad I had it done but I wasn't prepared for the conversation I had before the procedure. I've reflected on it and of course they have to advise on the risks and make sure I wanted it done.

Don't feel bad. If you feel in a couple of months that you want it removed then you can take them up on the offer.

You did the right thing by walking out of the appointment and even if he could have been kinder about it, it seems like the surgeon did the right thing by making you aware of the risk.

If the main reason you want the mole removed is because of cancer anxiety, then surgery probably isn’t the best option for you when there’s a big risk it will be itchy and uncomfortable for you. You could end up equally as anxious that there’s something wrong with the scar. It’s got to be better to address the anxiety than have unnecessary surgery.

I've just had basal cell carcinoma removed on my face which has left a small scar , I had 30 stitches and my scar is barely noticeable
I was warned about all possibilities of scarring etc they have to tell you the risks so you can make an educated decision for yourself

I've just had the same procedure and although they said it could scar (which I don't care about) they never said there was any other risks, the doctor and nurses were absolutely lovely though (although a month on I'm still waiting for the results) I'm sorry you had this experience it doesn't sound like he dealt with it well at all

OP How are you feeling now you've slept on it? The other thing to think about is that if it is growing they will eventually be forced to remove it but the scar will be bigger than if you get it done now.

So what if it's a bit itchy and scabby or whatever after. It's just the natural healing process. It will take a few weeks.

Much better than a potential cancer.

We got told similar for a growth on my wife's lip and there would be a deep wound.we were fortunate at the time to go private the surgeon was excellent and the scar left was scalpel width.
The first surgeon was on the private roster needless to say he was not selected it left me wondering if he would have done better job on a private patient as opposed to NHS one.

I have a mole on my hand that GPs always want removed, but the surgeon was far less concerned. The risks of scarring damaging my hand mobility long term currently outweighs the cancer risk according to them.
Just keep it out of the sun, and get your DH to check it occasionally.

Honestly, unless it’s bang in the middle of your face and huge, just have it removed. It’s no big deal.

I’m currently in the middle of treatment for stage 3 melanoma. I’ve had to have a chunk of my head the size of a plum removed, have a scar down my face, and have had all the lymph nodes in my neck removed (scar is probably 15-20, from the top of my ear down to my collarbone). I still might die.

Just have it off. It’s not worth the risk and a tiny scar is better than a big one, if you leave it. Unless you went private, they should have done teledermascopy on it and I can’t imagine they’d be removing it, if they didn’t think it could be cancer.

Hi OP,

My DH regularly gets keloid scars on his arms if he gets a graze. They just go away after about 3 years. They are red and raised but they are never in a noticeable place. They are definitely a feature of him as he had them even as a child, and I've never had one. I think if your body was inclined to form keloid scars then you would have had one by now, because my DH literally gets them every time he has any kind of graze.

I think it would be fine to go and have the mole off, and you almost certainly won't get a keloid scar. You can also get silicone cream to put on the wound to help prevent keloid scars from forming.

The surgeon sounds really stressed. Have you considered going private instead?

www.amazon.co.uk/keloid-scar-cream/s?k=keloid+scar+cream

If you see a dematologist privately they can also take a tiny biopsy for you and find out what it is. They did that when I had a thing on my neck.

If you want to have it done privately then you can look on this website:
https://www.finder.bupa.co.uk/

Fill in "dematologist" or "cosmetic surgeon" in the search box and then when you find someone near where you live, write to the secretary and ask how long their waiting list is and what the costs of treatment would be.

Appologies if this is not in your range financially. I haven't read the whole thread, but didn't want to read and run as I can hear you are having a hard time.

It sounds like a mixture of anxiety around the procedure and poor bedside manner from the doctor - yes he has to explain the risks, but the tone and manner in which it's done can make a huge difference in how the patient feels about the risks and options, but different people respond differently as well, what is ok to one person another would find off-putting or upsetting.

I had a birthmark removed a while back, the doctor was brilliant, explained really well that it was benign, but that it was the sort of birthmark that now it had started causing problems was very likely to continue doing so, and he was happy to remove it. He was very enthusiastic about his job! Other people might have found him annoying, I found him reassuring and happily went ahead.

Unfortunately many medics have very limited interpersonal skills. Sounds like this your chap was one of those.
I have stage 4 melanoma.
If there is any level of doubt at all have that mole removed now.
What is a scar compared to the horrible treatment melanoma can require and risk of death?
Immunotherapy ( which is given for melanoma by infusion because chemotherapy does not work for melanoma) is not pleasant and although you don’t lose your hair from side effects you could certainly lose your bowel, your thyroid and many other treats and that is if it works for you which is not guaranteed.
If looks are your worry then consider gaining several stone and getting a moon face from the steroids you may need to take to counter the side effects of immunotherapy.
I am not meaning to criticise you at all for being scared but want to clarify so you can gain some perspective.
The hours I spent sat in the special reclining chairs at the hospital having my immunotherapy every three weeks for a year with all the people having either the same or chemo I can tell you that our appearances were not top of our list of worries.

Just wanted to say Doctors and surgeons absolutely can tell you what they would do in your circumstances, whilst still making it clear that it's your choice. People perceive risk, and weigh up risks, in different ways. What that clinician might choose to do may not be everyone's choice, because personal circumstances can be very different, so as long they point that out, they can definitely answer the question. My dh is a consultant and often gets asked, he answers honestly, but helps the patient to look at it from their own perspective.

Mindutopia, Mittens67 I'm very sorry you are going through this, and all the best.

OP: I've had three moles removed. IME dermatologists are much more unequivocal about removal if they see a significant risk. One of mine was small but very dark, and I felt it had got darker, and the dermatologist had barely clapped eyes on it before saying 'that needs to come off'. It was benign but took quite a few tests to tell as the initial ones were inconclusive/initially made it look like a melanoma in situ, and I think it may well have developed into melanoma had it been left. The two others didn't really look suspicious in themselves but they were different from my other ones - the dermatologist (different one) said she thought they were benign but it was up to me to watch and wait or go straight for removal. I went for removal and they were benign. There are tiny scars but that's all. I have to say, having looked into melanoma when I was waiting for the results of the tests on the first one, that I am with those who have unfortunately had experience with melanoma, and think that removal is preferable if there's the smallest doubt.

Is there a dermatology specialist nurse at the hospital that you could call and discuss it with? Nurses are often better at active listening and helping you reach a decision and would also have the knowledge to advice about the risks. You would be able to plan your questions beforehand and feel more prepared.
Your surgeon sounds very abrupt and rather lacking in compassion.

He's probably old school, and this is how a lot of surgeons are and some are larger than life characters but, and most importantly he meant no harm.

He would have operated on so many moles in his life time that will be why he is so certain about your condition. Your post reminded me of some surgeons I used to work with when I worked in Theatres at a local district general.

Take a picture of it every month and keep the images on a folder on your phone. Back them up to a free cloud too. Just rename the file with the date.jpg and look for differences in the appearance of the mole over time........I am hoping that doing this over a period of time should hopefully give you some reassurance that everything is fine.

However, if changes occur then you can email the images to your GP who should be able to refer you back to a surgeon.

Oh OP I really sympathise here. I think you did the right thing by taking some extra time.

I had a similar situation, I found a lump in my neck which when I went to see the consultant suggested surgery, to which I looked worried and he actually shrugged and said 'come on, its only a tumour its not cancer' (when removed it was cancerous) but I really felt put out, really upset by his attitude and I felt like I wasnt a human. I felt like I was being stupid for worrying about it. I think some surgeons are a bit detached and removed and you kind of want them to be that way with the nature of their jobs. With all this being said I think you should definitely take your time to reconsider the surgery if you are worried but do a little research - so for example have you had any other surgeries before and have they left scars and are these scars keloid? If they are not its unlikely this one will do that.

sending you lots of love

I have a keloid scar on my arm. I hate it. Touching it makes me feel sick. However it was caused by a traumatic incident, and even looking at it triggers me to think about that event.

Ask the consultant's secretary to see if they'll see you again to discuss the possibility of it being cancerous. If there's a chance, I'd get it removed even if it does leave a scar.

Sounds like a surgeon who has little to no bed side manner. Do you have keloid scars elsewhere? I'm assuming this isn't on your face if you can't see it?

My advice:

-Read up further info yourself about pros/cons of removal
-Ask if you can have a phone consult and go through any questions you have
-For the appointment, take a friend or your DH for support
-Once the wound has healed, use silicone gel or a patch. It can help keep the scar flat
www.boots.com/kelo-cote-scar-gel-treatment-6g-10259814?cm_mmc=bmm-buk-google-ppc--LIAs---_-pmax_health__gg_shopping__lia___pmedia&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiA57G5BhDUARIsACgCYnwcmL2ebnASWkWpwCSEQr2Mc03R1_5iDB9obc6x2PoZgrcJ8msef8waAvCqEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

I don't blame you for not going ahead in the moment. You need to make sure you know what the risks of not removing are. Both my husband and father had moles removed that they were told 'don't look malignant'. In both cases it was melanoma.

Thank you for all your measured replies,
my husband took a photo last night and used a tape measure and we compared it to a month ago when I went to my first GP appointment and it was measured then, it’s stayed the exact same size and shape.

I’m going to check weekly and if I see any difference I’m going to get it removed. After sleeping on it, calming down, and thinking about it I feel much more informed now and a scar is nothing compared to the alternative. I think I might speak to them anyway again as I’m not bothered at all about the potential scar anymore and maybe it would be better just doing it anyway.

I was so anxious the other day and the new information mixed with how it was delivered by him and how I received the info personally just put me into a panic.

Glad you've been able to process and rationalise the information... hope your op goes accordingly.