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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect friends to at least send a text?

83 replies

Gramaphone · 06/11/2024 12:00

I live very rurally. Nearest neighbour over half mile away, nearest village about 5 miles. My husband has had to go away for a week, and he has taken my car as it needs some work doing on it whilst he is away. He drives a big white van. I could drive it, but narrow country lanes and limited visibility means I can’t unless an emergency really.
so I am basically housebound. I have plenty of food in, plus the dog and cat.
i need to get to town on Friday so prearranged with one friend for a lift. Other friends all know I am here, on my own. I sent them all invites to pop round for a cuppa any time. After 4 days now Not one has even sent a text asking if I am ok, do I need anything, etc. feeling very isolated- do I call them or should I expect them to get in touch with me?

OP posts:
Twoshoesnewshoes · 06/11/2024 12:02

I imagine they’d expect you to message if you need anything. Lots of my friends live alone and so I wouldn’t think to check up on an adult unless they were unwell or feeling low etc.

rayofsunshine86 · 06/11/2024 12:03

Just get in the van and drive it. You're not really housebound, you just need to suck it up.

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/11/2024 12:03

Unless you’re disabled and that’s why you’re housebound, I think you’re expecting a bit much of those around you. No, I wouldn’t send “are you okay?” texts to somebody who just didn’t want to drive a van. I face my own limitations every day and sort of expect others to do likewise. You’ve stated that you have plenty of food in and transport arranged for when you do need to go out, your friends are going to assume that you planned ahead like an adult.

Lanzarotelady · 06/11/2024 12:03

Needy?

WickedlyCharmed · 06/11/2024 12:04

Are you elderly or unwell?

I don’t understand why you can’t drive the van or why you’re expecting friends to give you lifts and see if you need supplies?

It seems in the face of your OP that your ‘housebound’ status is all in your head.

TeachesOfPeaches · 06/11/2024 12:04

You're only on your own for a week, why wouldn't you be okay?

Lanzarotelady · 06/11/2024 12:05

If you aren't capable of driving the van, then you shouldn't really be driving full stop!
You're coming across as very needy

Lampan · 06/11/2024 12:05

It would honestly never even cross my mind to check in with a friend who was (presumably) fit and well and temporarily alone. I certainly wouldn’t expect it if it was me.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 06/11/2024 12:05

You're a grown ass woman.. Why do you need checking on?

Singleandproud · 06/11/2024 12:06

I wouldn't expect to check in with another adult just because they are alone. I'd probably think they were fine and visited by others.

No point in getting resentful if you have not directly asked for what you need, they aren't mindreaders. "Getting a bit of cabin fever alone at home feeling a bit isolated, are you free to pop round for takeaway / tea?"

IcyLilacZebra · 06/11/2024 12:06

Theirs a van outside drive it and get out the house your not entirely housebound with a vehicle outside even if the roads are narrow
As for your friends it's not their responsibility to message you and check up you don't need to be isolated your choosing to not drive the van

Slowtopic · 06/11/2024 12:06

I don’t understand why you want text messages. What for? You’re an adult with a vehicle you could drive but don’t want to that lives rurally - what am I missing?

CroysantNotKwason · 06/11/2024 12:07

They probably think you're enjoying to peace and quite of being alone for a week.

OverthinkingOlive · 06/11/2024 12:08

I've lived alone for 20 years. Get a grip!!

Imnotarestaurant · 06/11/2024 12:08

You’re not housebound.

If you are that desperate to get out of the house book a taxi, 5 miles from a village is hardly isolated.

GiftWrappedSuburbanDreams · 06/11/2024 12:09

Why should they need to? I'm genuinely a bit confused as to why you'd need checking on if you're well and have everything you need? 🤔It seems a bit silly. If you want company, why not reach out to them and arrange things through the week?

VioletCrawleyForever · 06/11/2024 12:09

I think you are being unrealistic in your expectations

Imnotarestaurant · 06/11/2024 12:09

How old are you OP? I wouldn’t think to text an adult friend just because they don’t want to drive a van.

Redglitter · 06/11/2024 12:11

Don't be ridiculous. You're not ill you're not disabled your husband hasn't left you. You're not even housebound. There's a van there you could drive, you just choose not to.

Why on earth would you expect them to ask if you're OK??

TreeMelody · 06/11/2024 12:11

In your shoes I'd get in touch with friends myself. Most people mean well but just don't think to check in on friends all the time. Give them a call and have a chat, and/or arrange a get together. Be proactive!
I wouldn't much like to drive a big van on lanes either, but if you live somewhere isolated you really need to sort something out or you could easily end up isolated and lonely yourself.

Octavia64 · 06/11/2024 12:12

Unless you are very elderly or disabled I wouldn't expect people to check in on you, no.

You have a vehicle you just don't want to drive it. 5 miles is walking distance for an able bodied adult. Do you have a bike?

I'm disabled now, but when I lived rurally we walked 2 miles across fields to the school and biked to the village.

lasagnelle · 06/11/2024 12:13

This is very strange. Unless there's an underlying issue like illness that they are aware of I'm not sure why you'd be expecting them to call. Your husband is away for a week - he's not dead.

SometimesCalmPerson · 06/11/2024 12:15

Do you feel like need to constantly check in on your friends who live alone?

You are being silly. As an adult, you can cope with living alone for a week without your friends babysitting you.

Inauthentic · 06/11/2024 12:15

Do you suffer from any mental health problems?

You sound very anxious

Sethera · 06/11/2024 12:15

Why on earth didn't you ask him to take his van, keep your car and arrange yourself for the work it needed to be completed?

Is there a backstory here - I apologise if you are unwell or disabled but you haven't mentioned this - you are coming across as completely helpless.