To expect friends to at least send a text?

[Gramaphone]

I live very rurally. Nearest neighbour over half mile away, nearest village about 5 miles. My husband has had to go away for a week, and he has taken my car as it needs some work doing on it whilst he is away. He drives a big white van. I could drive it, but narrow country lanes and limited visibility means I can’t unless an emergency really.
so I am basically housebound. I have plenty of food in, plus the dog and cat.
i need to get to town on Friday so prearranged with one friend for a lift. Other friends all know I am here, on my own. I sent them all invites to pop round for a cuppa any time. After 4 days now Not one has even sent a text asking if I am ok, do I need anything, etc. feeling very isolated- do I call them or should I expect them to get in touch with me?

If you fancy chatting to your friends then text them.
You sound a bit needy.

Do none of you work? They probably haven't messaged because they are busy in their own lives

I'm sorry, OP, your husband is only away for a few days. You're not "isolated", you're just having a few days to yourself - which most people would give their right arm for! I don't see any reason why friends would need to "check in" with you. Just enjoy your week.

I'm sort of in agreement with the majority - I wouldn't expect to check in on a friend who's husband was away for a week, but wasn't otherwise disabled / ill - I'd not consider only having a van to drive being an issue.

Many of my friends/colleagues husbands go offshore for 3 weeks at a time - it has never ever crossed my mind to text them if they are ok. Because they are grown women, as are you.

DH works away for a week at a time regularly. I’m a grown adult so no one has to ring up and check on me.

If you're worried because it's remote and no one will know if there's been a crime perhaps you should consider moving less remote if this will be a regular thing?

1. You‘re not remotely housebound. Why are you capable of driving the van in a stressful, emergency situation, but not when you’re cool, calm and collected? This makes absolutely no sense. You have a vehicle, you’re not surrounded by a moat on all 4 sides, you are perfectly capable of leaving the house.
2. Your friends have their own lives to live, they can’t just drop everything because you don’t want to leave the house.
3. You’re a grown up, home alone for the week in the country side, but you’re making it sound like you’ve been abandoned in a shack, in the Australian outback, with only one bottle of water and a piece of bread.
4. Mountain and molehill, or pudding and over-egged. Either one suits the situation

Yeah this. Wtf? Also what about a taxi, if you don't want to drive? Saying you're housebound is a bit of an insult to those who genuinely are, to be honest.

I would take this as a sign that you are personally not suited to rural living and you need to move somewhere less rural or remote.

It is especially important to do this before you’re too old to cope with a move, or your health deteriorates, and you’re putting a burden on everyone around you by expecting them to run around after you.

That's a very good point

Living rurally, and deciding you won't drive a van are choices YOU have made, so why do others have to jump in to help you out? Why did you send your car for work the same week?

Your language is over the top 'all on my own'. Are you somehow who feels reassured in feeling cared for rather than standing on your own two feet?

You've got access to a vehicle

You're making out like you're stranded on an island somewhere. Stop playing the victim

4 days home alone, plenty of food and my pets, no one interrupting me. Bliss. Leave me to get on with it!

I've lived alone for 20+ years so wondering what the backstory is.

They probably think you’re being a bit pathetic for claiming to be ‘housebound’ because you don’t want to drive the perfectly driveable van that your husband drives I presume daily down these terribly treacherous country lanes.

OP message your mates and ask them if they all fancied coming over on Friday night for a few beers as you've the house to yourself.

I personally would think you were enjoying the peace. A week in the house alone sounds like bliss to me. But if something specific was arranged I'd be there with bells on.

Yeah I'm assuming there's a bunch of information left out of the OP. I doubt she'll be back but I don't think the reaction to this sounds 'normal' in the circumstances so there has to be more to it.

Fucking hell is there any need to be so bloody bitchy to someone who's said they're feeling a bit lonely. Knock it off ffs.

My parents, my brother his wife live 2 mile away. My partner went on a well deserved break abroad after the frontline NHS covid chaos. I have a disabled child, and a teenager to look after. Not 1 phonecall or visit in 7 days and nights to see if we were ok or whether we needed anything. Not one call. Families are shit, friends can be worse.

I'd love a week where I didn't have to go anywhere, had loads of food in and a quiet house!

But anyway, I wouldn't assume a presumably reasonably capable person would need checked up on because their partner was away for a week.

I often post when lonely, posters are usually lovely

OP didn't say anything about that

there's no indication of what the problem is!

So that told me! Lol
i forgot to say the van is LHD, hence being difficult to drive as it makes visibility awkward at junctions and just being on the “wrong side”.
i am enjoying the peace and quiet, and have stuff to do in garden etc. but whenever friends here have been in similar situations I always reach out and see if they are ok!
Thanks for all the get a grip messages.
Will do x

As other’s have said, this is a little bit daft OP. I live on my own and certainly don’t expect people to check up on me! I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely, but the onus really is on you to text a friend and ask them to pop in for a cup of tea or something.

Also, if you feel really housebound, could your husband not have taken his van and you had the work done on your car once he was back?

I do wonder whether living rurally is really for you? Is there no public transport? Do you think you’d be happier somewhere there is?

Honestly - just reach out to a friend! Hope you’re feeling okay and let us know how you’re getting on.