Wait it out for the sake of Christmas?

[Torturedheart2]

Planning to end things with my partner. The list of issues for me is now insurmountable with major disagreements on finances, marriage timeline, him acting like a teenager... I could go on and on. I just can't see a long term future here any more but very worried about the process of ending things and trying to figure out the "right time". We will need to live together until the joint house is sold which will be difficult .

The timing issue is that we have already agreed to host Christmas with his family and his brother and family were planning to stay with us for several days (flights booked they live abroad). No one else would have space etc to host everyone so not often they all get together. Partner would not be capable of hosting it alone so I feel obliged to wait it out until this is over or ruin their Christmas.

WWYD? YABU - wait it out til Christmas is over or YANBU - rip the band aid off now?

Do you have DC with him op? If so, I'd say wait it out.

If you don't have DC, then I wouldn't tolerate Christmas with the in-laws.

Do it now. Christmas is not worth it - if he's 'not capable' of hosting, he'll have to learn how to, won't he? There's plenty of time to make alternative arrangements and if you are going to end it anyway after Christmas, everyone will quickly realise what a charade it was and won't particularly thank you for that!

Just end it. You owe his family nothing. Can you go elsewhere for christmas so they can use the house to have Christmas together? They can all pitch in and help him, it doesn't have to fall solely to him and it certainly shouldn't fall to you if you've already checked out of the relationship.

If you have DC wait it out. My parents announced their split the week before Xmas when I wad a teen and it spoilt Xmas for me for years. If you don't have dc then I would split now - you can still agree to host and offer support if needed without it all being fake. X

“We will need to live together until the joint house is sold which will be difficult.”

What will make your like easier and more pleasant? Selling could take longer than you think. I’d go for the ‘easier in the long term’ route, even if that means hosting Christmas.

It's 1 day, I would honestly not put my life on hold for the sake of 1 day unless you have young children, then I understand the hesitation. But you need to live your life and stop worrying about ruining other people's Christmas, it's a day, they will get over it and can find somewhere else to eat some turkey or they could just stay home.

Agree with this. He will manage, and the in laws are adults who can manage themselves. Do it now and have a lovely end to the year. i would find it more upsetting if someone went through the motions for xmas or any other major event whilst planning to break up with me all along.

No kids so just putting it off I think as I don't want to live in a horrible atmosphere all of the festive season but I agree it's probably not right to pretend everything is fine then end things just for the sake of a day!

Book yourself a lovely holiday somewhere and leave him to it

Break up and go spend Christmas with your family? I’m sure his family can cook if he ain’t capable.

Do it now. No point in waiting and his family still have time to make alternative arrangements.

No kids - definitely do it now, you’ll probably look forward to Christmas much more once it’s over.

If children were in the picture I would have learned towards waiting until it’s done but if there isn’t 10000% do it now!

his family are not your burden. Let him deal with that.

Forget Xmas, the sooner you put it on the market the sooner you are rid of him. Do it now.

My sister did what you are thinking and it made it worse not better for her stress and mental health. Get it done now.

As you don’t have children, do it now and make a plan to be somewhere else for the time his family are visiting!

Do it now. You'll save a lot of money not hosting everyone...money that can help manage the split.

Is his expectation that you will host ie prep, cook and clean part of the problem in your relationship?
if it is, then why do it again now that you've decided to end things?

Just end it this week. Rip the plaster off. Get the place decluttered and an estate agent round to value it.
Look to see if you can stay in an Air B&B long term as it's no longer the holiday season, stay with family, a coworker or be a lodger.

Most of the heart break and logistics will be out the way by Christmas and you'll be ready to move on with a fresh start in the new year.

I could spend Christmas day with family and maybe book a few nights away after while his brother etc are still at the house. That sounds like a good plan and something to look forward to.

Tbh he has treated me like absolute crap for months so I don't really feel sorry for him, just his family.

Partner would not be capable of hosting it alone

Why? Is he incapacitated in some way or just weaponised incompetence.

I'd break up now if you could also move out but it makes it complicated that you'd still have to live together. Especially if the in laws would still come and stay in the house.
I hope you have a good Christmas whatever happens though.

Fully agree.
No kids - off you go, for yourself.
Fuck hosting his relatives.

Then GOOOO!!!

You have no kids with this man. You are literally free to leave. And leave I would.

There is not a single valid reason for you to stay for one minute longer.