Wait it out for the sake of Christmas?

[Torturedheart2]

Planning to end things with my partner. The list of issues for me is now insurmountable with major disagreements on finances, marriage timeline, him acting like a teenager... I could go on and on. I just can't see a long term future here any more but very worried about the process of ending things and trying to figure out the "right time". We will need to live together until the joint house is sold which will be difficult .

The timing issue is that we have already agreed to host Christmas with his family and his brother and family were planning to stay with us for several days (flights booked they live abroad). No one else would have space etc to host everyone so not often they all get together. Partner would not be capable of hosting it alone so I feel obliged to wait it out until this is over or ruin their Christmas.

WWYD? YABU - wait it out til Christmas is over or YANBU - rip the band aid off now?

Totally agree that you should do it now and book a nice holiday. Let him explain to his family and they can decide whether to still come or not. Not your problem.

Your partner is perfectly capable of hosting on his own. It doesn't take much more than putting down some clean sheets in the spare room and boiling a kettle. If, as a healthy adult, he is not capable of that, his family already know it. Either way, it's not your concern.
Could you be just using it as a reason to delay? Which is understandable. Breaking up is tough but it's not going to get any better the longer you wait.

Yes part of the problem is that he doesn't seem to be capable to change a sheet! I am probably using it as a reason to prolong as keep finding excuses why now isn't the right time or should wait for x y z to pass, I think I am just putting off the pain and discomfort but I know that I need to end things eventually.

Do it now. When I ended it with my husband he moved out on 30 November that year. We had a 5 and 2 year old and I wasn't willing to wait until after Christmas but I knew he had to go before the Christmas season really set in.

Tell the useless git to take them all out for a meal or order a takeaway?!!!!

Leave him and enjoy your own Christmas. It won’t be happy families and he/they likely won’t appreciate it.

I'd end it and book to go away somewhere at Xmas, then him to host his family.

There's no reason to wait unless you're not feeling ready. Even if there were kids involved, I don't think waiting is the right thing.

He will cope, his family will sort out Christmas. Get it done and start working towards your new life.

Did he live alone before you met him or do he jump from being looked after at home and then someone else and then to you?

Sounds like giving him independence is the greatest Pre-Christmas gift you could give him.

Oh God, do it now or it will turn into Eastenders' Xmas special!!!

@Torturedheart2

theres your answer then, just rip the band aid off! Get your own plans sorted & he can work out how to cook the parsnips!

He is capable of hosting he just chooses not to do it.
I organised Xmas every year for exdh. He was incapable of buying his family presents, writing Xmas cards, giving any thinking time to the shopping etc etc.
First Xmas on his own he organised it all and told me with a smirk that it wasn't that hard. It was galling.
Put yourself first and split now.
See your family and then join one of the many solo hols after Xmas.

You will feel sooo much better having Xmas without him, give yourself that.

I am probably using it as a reason to prolong as keep finding excuses why now isn't the right time or should wait for x y z to pass

Is there ever a good time in these circumstances.

I'd do as suggested and get it over and done with and if you think his family will question you or you'll feel uneasy in your own home go spend some time with you're own family for those few days.

I'd do it now. There's enough time that you aren't "deserting him just before Christmas" and if he wants to have a nice Christmas he has time to get to a place of being nice/civil towards you. I think a good plan to stay with friends/family or go on holiday over Christmas.

End it now don’t wait and so his family have somewhere to stay go and see your own family at Christmas or book a nice hotel.

Partner would not be capable of hosting it alone

Of course he can. His family, his job to host.

If you've no children op, then leave and don't delay x

Do it now. Otherwise you will resent having to host and fake it over Christmas. His family can rally round and support him you don’t need to feel guilty.

Roles reversed, would he do it for you? Would he host your entire family for Christmas despite wanting out of the relationship, or would he bail and leave you to deal with it alone?

In my situation, I'd wait it out. But we have 3dc...and I'd wait to avoid ruining Christmas for them or giving the dc long-term memories of Christmas being the time the family split. I'd wait until a couple of weeks into January.

Totally different in your situation though with no dc. Just do it now and get it done.

Can you ever imagine a man in this situation thinking oh I must stay with her until Christmas as she's not capable of cooking for her family at Christmas so I must do it for her?!

You have no kids so end it now! Get the house up for sale asap and spend Christmas with your family. That’s better than spending it with his family pretending to be a couple.

He’s agreed to host Christmas. Let him!

You can leave when you like. Chances are you won’t speak to his family again anyway x

It's 8 weeks til Xmas . You could have sold and be gone by then ( obvs at a push ) .. if you wait it may be next summer !

End things now. Don't have an unenjoyable Christmas for the sake of someone you don't love anymore. Have a good day with your own family, or even book a little break away just to have a change of scene. Christmas is still long enough away to get settled if you tell him now that you want to split.