Wait it out for the sake of Christmas?

[Torturedheart2]

Planning to end things with my partner. The list of issues for me is now insurmountable with major disagreements on finances, marriage timeline, him acting like a teenager... I could go on and on. I just can't see a long term future here any more but very worried about the process of ending things and trying to figure out the "right time". We will need to live together until the joint house is sold which will be difficult .

The timing issue is that we have already agreed to host Christmas with his family and his brother and family were planning to stay with us for several days (flights booked they live abroad). No one else would have space etc to host everyone so not often they all get together. Partner would not be capable of hosting it alone so I feel obliged to wait it out until this is over or ruin their Christmas.

WWYD? YABU - wait it out til Christmas is over or YANBU - rip the band aid off now?

If no kids, end now.

If no DC end it now otherwise christmas will be a sham for no reason

Yes do this. His family can also give him some in person support he won't otherwise get if you wait.

No kids … then end it now . House up for sale and get everyone else to change their plans.
It happens .
I voted yabu as I assumed kids

As no kids of your own I would definitely end it now.

If he can't host his family that's NOT your fault.

Have you got anywhere to stay/ go for Christmas?

Yes part of the problem is that he doesn't seem to be capable to change a sheet!

That's definitely a reason to stay with him....for the rest of your life. I mean how on earth will he manage?!

Sorry just seen you can spend Christmas with family.

End it now before you're having a miserable Christmas and putting it off to 2025.

Start the new year full of hope and new beginnings!

As others have said, end it now and then for Christmas go and stay with family/friends as you seem to have the option. Imagine the whole period with no stress of looking after the house and guests etc!!

But his lack of ability is not your problem, he is a grown up. Surely he can't expect you to host his family and do everything - regardless of the situation.
I know this must be a big step, but if he's treating you like crap, then Christmas will be no different.

Arrange something else to do, if you like his family & they will be supportive, stay for a drink, wish them a Merry Christmas and go on a holiday, or visit family and friends. Your Christmas shouldn't be miserable.

Don't waste any more time on him OP. Rip the bandage off now and get on with the practicalities of divorce. You don't owe him or his family anything. Sit him down and explain that it's over. You don't have to put up with his treatment of you anymore. File for divorce and get the house on the market. Obviously get all of the financial asset / property/ pensions information together and don't give him an opportunity to hide assets. You are allowed to put yourself first and you are allowed to have a peaceful happy Christmas with your family and then start fresh in the new year.

There’s never an ideal time to go. You’ve made your decision and you need to commit to it for all the valid reasons you’ve listed. The issues you’ve raised will always be issues for HIM so assuming you’re not going to return to him every year to spirit up Christmas for his family then just end it now and prioritise yourself this year. Stay with family, book a spa break, make plans with friends. He’s (apparently not) made his bed, but he’ll have to lie in it eventually.

It's 6th November so do it now.

If it were, say, 20th December my reply would be different.

Do it now, his people can make other plans.
if not it's giving all the wrong signals to his family.
Tell him, (you never know he might be feeing the same ?)
Then follow up with an email to his family with apologies & explain minimally
he will tell them another story

Yes I think doing it sooner than later and making some nice plans for myself over the festive period is the best option now and give me something to look forward to with a fresh start for the new year

That’s exactly my point - especially with this man in particular. He most certainly wouldn’t be considering her feelings or her family if roles were reversed.

Get out of there OP, and here’s to freedom from this absolute manchild 🥂🍾

At the absolute worst, if he is literally incapable of changing a sheet then his family can change their own sheets, and become aware of how useless he is into the bargain. If he can't cook, as above. Or they can just order a takeaway. Either way, so not your problem. You'll probably never see them ever again.

You deserve a decent Christmas, go to your family and leave them to it.

Go now. Either his family already know what a domestic incompetent he is and will pitch in and 'do' Christmas with him or it will show up what a domestic incompetent he is and they will all be saying 'how the hell did @Torturedheart2 stand it for so long?'

He won't suffer either way. Have a great Christmas with your own family.

Yes. Do it. Get your info all ready and file online for divorce. He has to know that you don't want to live like this anymore. Get the house on the market. Make some lovely plans for Christmas. Give yourself a brighter ending for the year and the promise of a fresh beginning in 2025.

Do you have somewhere else you could go for Christmas?

If yes...I'd like to think I'd rip the bandaid off, and then either go to my own family for Christmas or book a blooming holiday and head off to the sunshine somewhere! In reality, if I liked the family who had already booked the flights I'd probably feel too mean to do something which would jeopardise their Christmas so I'd put up for their sakes. But I'd be miserable. Option A is way better for you, be bolder than me OP!!

Don't extent it. There is never perfect time to do it. Be it Christmas, birthdays, bank holidays and so on.
It's his problem how he is going to host the Christmas. His mum or someone else can help him. You don't want to be a part of this family anyway.
Imagine nice cosy peaceful Christmas. If you can afford, instead of buying a Christmas gift for him, why don't you book something for a few days to keep yourself busy?