How much does your size/weight bother you?

[AllAboutJazz]

I'd say I'm healthy, fairly fit and active.

I make a lot of effort to cook healthy meals, drink green tea (blugh), avoid processed food etc. I'm not thin, but not exactly fat either, just...plump? BMI 22.5 but I'm short, so I could stand to lose a stone.

I own my house and have a business, really love my job, have a few friends who are lovely, a great partner and freedom to more or less do as I please - a very lucky life.

Why then am I so unhappy not being thin? It's like I can't let myself be happy, because I should be smaller.

How often do you think about your size/weight? How much does it affect your happiness?

I’m 5ft7 and a size 14. Most people will think that’s uncomfortably fat but I have lost 7 stone this year to get to this size so I’m pretty chuffed!! I’m built like a brick shit house so I carry it well and know I will never be thin. When I was training for the military and had no body fat I still weighed in as obese according to my bmi because I’m just biiiiig.

I felt deeply unhappy when I was big - just angry and irritable a lot of the time. I think it was the disruption to my hormones and all the health issues / insulin resistance that comes along with being overweight and having PCOS. So I decided to change my life and I've lost 3 stone through weight training. Feel great now, truly happy every day when I wake up in the morning. I had to make the choice to make a change. My whole lifestyle is based around maintaining my lower weight and working out.

Being properly thin is shit OP. I'm BMI 17 now due to ARFID and related IBS. Being neurodiverse I don't really have "body image" as such, I'm not sure I have a self image at all in a visual sense. But even if you liked how you looked at this size you wouldn't enjoy it. You lack energy, feel the cold, lack vitamins and iron, and you'd be hungry all the time. I don't know if I feel hunger the way NT people do but I definitely feel run down and lacking. It wouldn't make your life better. Enjoy your health and vigour and exercise to stay strong and well.

I'm 5ft 4 and very overweight 95kgs. I have a large belly, fat arms and legs, I have odd looking breasts, thin hair, I'm hairy...the list goes on. But like you OP I have a great job, a hard working loving husband, my kids are doing well. It's just my body. I have thought about WLI but worry about the side affects. I have a very negative body image. I've got a very pretty face and charming personality which has carried me a long way in life but underneath I've always been unhappy about my body. I now know it's likely I have ADHD so I'm working through that too.

I'm fortunate to be able to pay for therapy so I'm working on myself a lot now and hope to use this time to also start on my physical self.

It is on my mind everyday, almost all day. I’m currently 10 pounds more than I’d like to be and it makes me not want to be seen. My BMI is underweight but I don’t look it so I think I must have very light bones/no muscle.

Victoria Beckham has eaten the same meals for several decades. What a fucking miserable existence. It’s a standing joke that no one has ever seen her smile.

Im 56, I’ve gone through the “must be thin” era of my life and spent 2 decades as a fatty (size 16-18). I’m average height so even tho I just tipped into the obese category it still affected my health, giving me high blood pressure

you people with your bmis of 22.5 are beautiful. That is slim by any measure. Stop looking at your flaws and start looking at what you do like. Ffs I have wrinkles on my arse now! I have a flat old lady butt NOW when big butts are fashionable. When I had a big butt it wasn’t popular.

You will look back in 10 years and marvel at how gorgeous you were. Stop wasting this time 😘

I'm overweight, I don't hate my size but do think about calories a lot as I am always trying to lose weight. I fear being bigger so can't see myself not calorie counting.

Just came across this image and wanted to share in this thread.

You sound successful and determined. Set yourself a new task to loose the weight you want to through Slimming World or Weight Watchers. It's obviously what you want to do deep down. I recently lost 4 stone with SW and absolutely love my new size. It pleases me every minute. I'm heathier, fitter and my clothes look better on me. Wasn't difficult just required time and effort to achieve my goal.

I do understand how this can happen, and how it feels. There is a lot of pressure.

I am 5ft 6 and 10st 5 and a size 8 on top 10 bottom. I could be smaller, I could be more toned but I am happier with my size than I have ever been since I was a size 18. I feel fit and healthy and I don’t want to be thinner. I also do not want to regain weight but that’s just me.

Can we just get something straight here.... size 10/12 is NOT fat.

14 and upwards depending on height is getting a bit large.

BMI is a useless measurement as some carry more muscle weight.

Me, I'm just podge and unfit and need to do something about it before something gets seriously wrong.

I never think about my weight and size. I’m 58.

I saw this post and a bit of a backlash to it. I think it’s good you had questions OP rather than seeing it as others did as a dig.

It is hard work. It is the same as the messy house vs tidy house conversation. It’s important to some and not others. It doesn’t feel like hard work if it’s something you enjoy and you like the benefits. It doesn’t mean you have a sad boring life. It’s just that different things are important to different people. The daily dedication to counting calories and working out can make some people feel purposeful and it isn’t always a negative thing. But to some people it might be. I mentally count what I eat and I make sure I do a certain amount of exercise every week. It’s my routine now the same as housework. If that’s not your mindset you might be focused on something else that’s important to you, it’s not an indication of that you are lazier or less dedicated or you have no willpower I don’t think people should start thinking that way. Our brains are all different and we are all motivated by different things and different things make us happy and content. It is being content that is the goal and being thinner might not make you happy. As yes it’s hard work and can take a lot of mental and physical energy

I was overweight for a lot of my life, but over the last 7 years or so have managed to maintain a normal weight (at the top end of a healthy BMI, size 12 although I'm aware size 12 can be pretty big nowadays!) with various forms of dieting.

I'm never really happy with my weight though...always hankering to be a stone lighter, and admiring slender, willowy people.

Recently, though, I looked at myself in the full length mirror of an AirBnB (my own mirror at home leans against the wall and is more flattering) wearing my new jeans, which are the high waisted, rounded shape I have fought against for so long because they add volume to the middle just where I don't want it, and thought- "You know what, I look good! Yes, rounded, but still good!"

So that's a bit of a minor victory.

Honestly - get rid of the scales. And stop following or looking at slebs and insta women.

I’m similar to you I think. I’m 5’3 and about 58/59 kg so BMI around 23. Do plenty of exercise, eat good non processed food but with plenty of indulgences like cheese, butter, wine, etc.

Yes like you I could stand to be thinner. And yes sometimes I look at someone with slimmer legs or arms or a sharper jawline and feel fleeting envy and resolve to eat less. But mostly I don’t think about it - I know I am a healthy weight, I know I am slim by most people’s standards, it really doesn’t take up much headspace.

A large part of this is, I think, because I don’t have scales and I refuse to calorie count ever. At BMI 22 you do not need to either. And it would, as you say, not be healthy.

How much time do you spend on insta or watching/ reading stuff with lots of models and slebs? I suspect this contributes a lot to body dissatisfaction. I have deliberately stepped away from this stuff as it just feeds life envy and body/face envy and that way madness lies.

I've hated my body since I was 7 when I felt huge because i could no longer fit in my sister's aged 3 skirt. I'm short and slim build growing up my mum's party trick was to ask people how old they thought I looked mum was thrilled when they said a few years younger than my age. I have grown up believing my worth is all down to my size and youthfulness. I have heard my entire life how my mum had a lovely shape until she had me and she's been fat since. She hasn't, she's not.
I have hated myself with a BMI of 17, I have hated myself with a BMI of 23. I think I just hate myself and not related to my size at all.
I was diagnosed with anorexia at 18 and the next day my sister called me fat and told me I didn't need to starve myself if I wanted to be less fat all I had to do was exercise more. I was over 20lbs underweight but in the household I grew up in that was fat.
All through my pregnancy my mum asked me how much weight i put on and my daughter was less than a week old when she asked me if I had lost my baby weight yet.
It sucks.
I think the optimal size for me is 21-22 BMI. Not so low I get the buzz to get it lower and not so high I panic. It's creeping up with age in my 20s my safe space was BMI 20-21. Maybe one day I can be happy with what I see in the mirror and not fret about the number on the scale.

When I'm overweight, I think about it all the time. When I'm significantly overweight I hate having to dress to fit that, I hate feeling unfit and tired, and I basically just feel like I'm trapped in someone else's body.

I don't look at other people and think they look bad when they're that size at all - I barely register other people's sizes to be honest and I think people absolutely can and do look great at whatever size they are. But when I'm significantly overweight I don't think I look like 'myself' and I certainly don't feel like myself, so it just makes me miserable. It just feels and looks wrong for me.

You have to try and rationalise the fact that slim people have issues too, being your perceived ideal weight/shape has no material bearing on your actual levels of happiness. I have always been slim and perhaps I have slim privilege as I don't know what it feels like to be overweight. I'm sure some people aspire for a similar body type to mine (I'm not a supermodel btw nearly 50 but holding my own!). But that doesn't impact who I am, how happy I am day to day etc. My kids don't care what I look like, in fact, nobody does and that's the reality.

My mum battled her weight her whole life - I don't remember a time when she wasn't on a diet. It never worked.
Then my dad dropped dead suddenly. They'd been together since they were teenagers. The weight dropped off her due to her grief. When she died less than 2 years later she weighed less than she had for 50 years. Thinking about that makes me sad. All that energy she expended on something that wasn't really that important.
I'm fit and active - bmi of 25, so probably overweight to many of you. I'm grateful for all the amazing things my body let's me do - run, dance, travel, play with my grandkids etc. I take care of it so that I can keep enjoying my life. I refuse to obsess over how I look or whether I need to lose 7-10lb. Life is too short

Not my weight but my bodyshape. So it doesn't matter what I weigh, that isn't going to change. Care less than I did when younger bit I still think about it sometimes.

I've experienced being my ideal size and it was great - I felt lean and light when out running or exercising, got lots of compliments, all my clothes looked nice.

Post-baby I'm 60-65kg at 5'2 and feel slower and heavier, my clothes don't feel as flattering, exercising feels less enjoyable with more flesh and bigger boobs bouncing around. So yes it does bother me, but we plan a second child so I don't see the point in focusing energy on fixing it right now.

I have friends who won't go to an event if they think they'll be the plumpest woman in the room.

It's quite common for women, in particular, to be distressed by size/weight on a disturbingly frequent basis.

Really valid points!

I think because I feel I make an effort every day (healthy cooking, exercising) to be slim-ish, it seems a mammoth task to try to get slimmer. Even though my brain tells me that I'd be happier. It makes no sense!

I do have the time and willpower I think, to count every calorie and do more exercise, but then something else would likely suffer.

Currently I'd say I eat an average of 1500-1800 kcal every day, run 5k 3x a week and weight train 30 mins x3 times a week to maintain. Which feels like loads of effort!

You're right though, it's about priorities and what you enjoy - I really admire super dedication and if I do want to weigh less/be slimmer then I'd need to calorie count properly and up the exercise.

I think about it every single day, many times a day and I'm completely defined by it.
I'm 5'9 and 78kg, I exercise 4 times a weeks, weights, HIIT, jogging, you name it I've done it.
Ive spend lots of money over the years on gyms/coaches/diets and I'm once again back in the doldrums and at my heavy weight.
I have withdrawn from doing some sports where I feel conscious, I don't like jogging around traffic or in daylight but I like my classes so I go to those.
I think it's years of being conditioned and I know my friendship group (same age) are the same.Multiple conversations every week about losing weight and dieting.
We are intelligent women but at times I find it crippling but I can't shake the mindset either.

Great thread, thank you

I think all these people saying ‘nobody cares what weight or size you are’ are wrong sadly

Most fat people will tell you they have plenty of evidence that people very much notice and make judgements or decisions based on that

Those who are slim no doubt get positive comments about that fact too

So we all get repeated feedback from the external world that our size is relevant, does matter and does effect how we are perceived and treated.

So very hard to work on the internal voice with that knowledge