I have a nearly 3yo DD. My neighbour, who I get on well with, has a 3yo DS. We generally get on well and , due to living next to each other , bump into each other a lot. We're also part of the same (small) group chat where most mornings one of the mums might ask what everyone is up to, does anyone want to go to the playground etc. If my neighbour finds out I've scheduled a play date and not invited her son she gets very annoyed. Even if it is with friends she doesn't know , because she feels I can / should just introduce them.
Here's the issue though: her son is quite spoilt, doesn't know the word "no", he hits other kids or snatches toys non stop and his mum (the neighbour) will just excuse it as "aw they're just kids" rather than teaching him if he can't play nicely he's taken home or other appropriate consequences.
I'll explain one incident that might show what it's like. I scheduled a play date with my friend, I know her from uni and she hasn't met my neighbour or any of the mums in the group chat. As I'm leaving, my neighbour and I bump into each other. She asks why I didn't respond on the group chat that morning whether I'd like to go to the playground - she's just about to go. I say I'm going for a play date etc and my neighbour seems baffled as to why I didn't suggest she should come. I guess I think it's weird at the time but say I'll ask my friend and she should come along, the play date is at a soft play so it's not like I can say "no you can't go" - it's a public place, she can go where she likes. During the play date mine and my uni friend's child were hit, kicked, pushed etc (yes all kids push and hit but not to this extent, and normally the mum intervenes whereas this mum just stands there looking at her son with an adoring smile and at best may say "that's not nice", would never physically remove him". When it was time to leave her son kept running away from her, she wouldn't put his coat on until he "allowed" her (we were sharing a car and even though I was driving, I can't just leave her stranded as it'd be difficult to get back). As a result my daughter was overtired for her nap and it was all a mess.
Many more examples like this.
Anyway, I'm seeing a different friend tomorrow, my neighbour actually asked if I'm free for the playground tomorrow morning and I vaguely said "no I'm busy". Now if she asks what I'm doing I don't want to lie (as may be found out with insta stories, driving, and just don't love lying) but equally I don't want her to tag along.