AIBU to feel frustrated that I’m spending thousands on our house while my partner hardly contributes?

[godforvidrenovations]

I know I’m very fortunate to be in this position, but I feel like I’ve ended up putting far more of my own money into our home than my partner has, and it’s causing tension. My parents recently gifted me £250k to help pay off our mortgage. I initially thought I’d use it to pay off the entire balance, but I’ve decided to only cover my half, leaving my partner with around £90k on his side of the mortgage. We’ve been together for 6 years, but he hasn’t proposed, and I don’t see why I should cover his half of the mortgage if he’s not ready for that level of commitment.

For context, I’ve already spent around £60k of my own inheritance on renovations over the past few years. Plus, I’ve put in even more of my own money (not inheritance) on furnishings and decor for the house. My partner contributed £30k from his inheritance when we bought the place, but since then, most of the expenses have been on me. I also earn about £9k less than he does and am by no means a high earner, yet I’m still covering the bulk of our home costs.

Now we’re planning some major renovations—knocking down walls, extending the kitchen, redoing the bathroom, and creating a home office for me since I work from home. I’m planning to put another £80k from my parents’ gift toward this, but I feel like my partner should contribute as well. I suggested he could help save costs by doing some of the work himself (he’s a plumber) and maybe cover the cost of our en-suite, while I pay for everything else. But he’s not interested in this and wants to keep his £5k savings “in case he needs it.”

Recently, he started covering the weekly food shop, but he’s already started complaining that I’m not helping with those costs either. My argument is that I’m trying to pay off my credit card debt, I earn less than him, and I’m the one covering nearly all of the renovation expenses.
He does his fair share of helping around the house with housework etc, but this all comes down to money at the end of the day and I do not want to blow a huge sum of money on a house my partner will benefit from, because he's doesn't want to contribute.

AIBU to feel frustrated and taken advantage of here? Or am I overthinking things?

I hope you’ve ringfenced what you’ve put into the house

Also you forgot to mention his redeeming qualities so we can all understand why you are with him 😊

Mortgages don't have halves so make sure you've backed this all up with your solicitor.

And you are subsidising this cocklodger why?

Get your paperwork in order.

Don't marry him.

Don't worry I have! This caused another uproar

What did he say when you told him you wanted to get married? Though I wouldn't if I were you and DO NOT put any more of your money into the house.

Sounds like he enjoys having you pay for everything

Conversations aren't working.

What about putting it all down on spreadsheets and giving him a hard visual of what's going on? If he's still not interested in contributing more then I don't think it's a good idea to stay together.

It doesn’t sound like you’re a team. I’m reading it thinking you’d be better just buying yourself something for yourself.

Does he have the money to contribute to the renovations if he only has 5k?
How were you planning on financing the renovations without your parents money?
I'm glad you've ringfenced the money.

Well… Maybe he doesn’t have anyone to contribute 250k towards the mortgage or another 60k for renovations.
Did he ask you to spend so much renovating it and buying furniture or did you do it because you wanted to?

I think you’re being a bit unfair to be honest.

If he only has £5k in savings, of course he can't match costs on an 80k renovation. It sounds like neither of you are massively high earners, and just because you have been gifted/inherited large sums, it doesn't mean he is going to be able to magic up money to equal it.

You haven't give enough information to determine if he is able to save more than he currently is.

Personally I'd use my inheritance to pay him his 30K and boot him out.

You seem to be spending an awful lot of money on the house.

Was it a joint decision to renovate and refurbish or was it you driving these things? If you wanted to do these things but your partner isn't bothered, perhaps this is why he's not contributing? If it's a joint decision then you should agree the financial split before starting the works.

Also, why do you have credit card debt if you received £250k.

Resentment kills relationships. It sounds like you're already subconsciously formulating an exit strategy. Don't sink any more money into this house or relationship without legal advice.

Why do you have credit card debt when you have this inheritance sitting around? Surely interest on credit cards is higher than you'd be getting on the savings?

More generally I agree with the above posters, there's a lot of red flags here and marriage doesn't sound like a great option.

Well the first obvious question is… did he also get a 250k inheritance? If the answer is no, then the reason he’s not paying his half is presumably because he hasn’t got 100k lying around to put towards renovations?

Also, you can’t just pay off “your” half of a mortgage. It’s not half and half, both people are liable for the full 100%, so you can pay off half of the balance but that doesn’t mean “your half” is sorted. As far as the bank is concerned you’re still on the hook for the rest.

You’ve essentially been handed a huge amount of money. Unless he has ALSO been handed a similarly huge amount of money then no he isn’t going to be able to contribute the same as you, he earns 9k annually more than you, not 90k more than you.

You have a credit card debt you are trying to pay off.
He only has £5K savings.

Why are you doing expensive renovations that you cannot afford?

There is no half a mortgage. You're fully liable for 100% of the debt.
You sound a bit spoilt and out of touch with reality if I'm honest. You've been given shit loads in handouts yet still have credit card debt. Your partner only earns £9k more than you but you're annoyed that he isn't matching you pound for pound despite the fact that you wouldn't have any money without bank of mum and dad.
I'd leave the mortgage how it is, split up sell the house and split the equity. Then any money you spend can be yours and yours alone

how is he supposed to contribute? You’ve been handed a large sum of money and are making decisions to renovate. What choice does he have? How do you propose he matches this when he hasn’t been gifted a large sum of money? It seems like your relationship isn’t very solid, I can understand you protecting your share, but you’re being unreasonable expecting him to put his only savings into a renovation he probably had zero say over.

It sounds like you’re expecting this relationship to go wrong at some point. I know any relationship can end at any point but it won’t be very nice going through your life with him worrying about making sure everything is clearly categorised as ‘his’ and ‘yours’. I never understand this mentality, unless you’re unsure of your relationship

I think you've lost touch with reality OP- you've been given a huge amount that has enabled you to make choices on renovating, buying stuff for the home etc - he doesn't have that luxury.

I think you need to get back to basics, do you still love him, is this resentment because you aren't married? You need to think it through. The fact is he simply doesn't have the cash to be splashing £60k on this and that and I suspect all these 'wants' are actually your wants -

I've asked him to contribute what he can, for example 3k out of his 5k. I'm not asking him to match me, because that's ludicrous. It's the fact he's not evening willing to contribute 3k.

I don't understand how you are trying to pay off credit cards with that amount of money?
Also agree with the poster who says you should need to buy him out and get rid, if you can't agree basic finances (disregarding the inheritance temporarily) then you are not compatible.