AIBU to feel frustrated that I’m spending thousands on our house while my partner hardly contributes?

[godforvidrenovations]

I know I’m very fortunate to be in this position, but I feel like I’ve ended up putting far more of my own money into our home than my partner has, and it’s causing tension. My parents recently gifted me £250k to help pay off our mortgage. I initially thought I’d use it to pay off the entire balance, but I’ve decided to only cover my half, leaving my partner with around £90k on his side of the mortgage. We’ve been together for 6 years, but he hasn’t proposed, and I don’t see why I should cover his half of the mortgage if he’s not ready for that level of commitment.

For context, I’ve already spent around £60k of my own inheritance on renovations over the past few years. Plus, I’ve put in even more of my own money (not inheritance) on furnishings and decor for the house. My partner contributed £30k from his inheritance when we bought the place, but since then, most of the expenses have been on me. I also earn about £9k less than he does and am by no means a high earner, yet I’m still covering the bulk of our home costs.

Now we’re planning some major renovations—knocking down walls, extending the kitchen, redoing the bathroom, and creating a home office for me since I work from home. I’m planning to put another £80k from my parents’ gift toward this, but I feel like my partner should contribute as well. I suggested he could help save costs by doing some of the work himself (he’s a plumber) and maybe cover the cost of our en-suite, while I pay for everything else. But he’s not interested in this and wants to keep his £5k savings “in case he needs it.”

Recently, he started covering the weekly food shop, but he’s already started complaining that I’m not helping with those costs either. My argument is that I’m trying to pay off my credit card debt, I earn less than him, and I’m the one covering nearly all of the renovation expenses.
He does his fair share of helping around the house with housework etc, but this all comes down to money at the end of the day and I do not want to blow a huge sum of money on a house my partner will benefit from, because he's doesn't want to contribute.

AIBU to feel frustrated and taken advantage of here? Or am I overthinking things?

He only has 5k in savings.
You have inherited the money for the renovations. It’s not like you have saved the money and are frustrated that dp hasn't done the same ( especially when he earns more). I could understand if that was the case, but it isn’t what has happened.
You are not in the wrong for wanting to protect your money when you aren’t married, presumably don’t have shared children and don’t sound sure about the relationship anyway .
So I think it is unreasonable to expect dp to spend 3k when he only has 5k in total saved.
Holding onto your inheritance and not doing the renovations at all would be a perfectly reasonable decision for you to make as well though.

You put yourself into a difficult situation when you buy a house with someone you are not related to. You were right to only pay off your mortgage on the house. It sounds like you are maybe not planning to be with him long term. I think with bills you should pay 50/50 into a kitty, regardless of earnings. I know you are trying to pay your credit card bill off but that not his fault (unless you've bought things for him).

I.also wouldn't pay any of your inheritance on joint house repairs.

I think you need to call a halt to these renovations for now and pay off your CC
crazy to have debts when you can clear them with your " inheritance"
You sound like the money is burning a hole in your pocket and you need to spend it all immediately
Are the renovations actually going to increase the house value?
There is always a ceiling price for an area
I think you're starting to resent your partner because he can't match your finances. Of course he can't, he hasn't just inherited 250k
I wouldn't be surprised if he's got one foot out of the door

If he doesn't pay on his half do you risk losing your home?
All sounds very messy OP. Can you see a future together? If you're wanting children one day how would finances work?
I wouldn't plough any more money in until you have a plan for your future together.

Do you have a declaration of trust?

As PP your partner hasn't just inherited 250k. I would also think that if he is a plumber is he self employed? 5k isn't much of a safety net if he is and something happens. All these renovations may not add enough value to get back what they cost. Are they your idea?

Why have you not paid off the credit card debt?

You clearly come from a very wealthy family, and he doesn't. The money you are contributing doesn't come from your own hard graft, but from sheer luck. You are being quite unreasonable expecting him to put his tiny life savings into the house, when you are able to casually drop huge amounts of money, which you didn't earn.

I also think you should just buy him out.

He doesnt sound committed to you.

Also, why do you have credit card debt if you received £250k.

I was wondering this too. It would have been the first thing I paid off.

🤔

It’s sounds like you and your partner don’t see money the same way.
Your builder however is doing nicely out of all of this.

I don't think that's reasonable actually. He only has a relatively modest amount of savings and it may have taken years to save this, and you want him to leave himself with just 2k of it?!
Spending 3k when you only have 5k is completely different to spending 60k when you have 100k and will still be left with 40k which is a really big chunk that will ensure you feel secure.

Have you proposed to him?

How much is your credit card debt? That's the first thing that should be dealt with out of the £250k

And YABU - I'm sure a plumbers wage will not allow him to contribute equivalent amounts

It sounds like you're spending massive amounts on the property (unnecessarily?). Why don't you invest it instead? Then no problem and no resentment

You need to speak to a solicitor about ringfencing your finances if you think this relationship has a future.

Above all else, DO NOT marry this man who is showing no signs at all of interest in teamwork.

He's not willing to contribute labor to the renovation? Why not? That could significantly reduce costs.

This house sounds like a money pit. It's sensible for him to have £5k in savings so I can see why he doesn't want to give that up. He cannot afford to put more money into the house so stop pushing him.

It really sounds like you are not on the same page here and he does not want to take on more debt to cover the new renovations. You would be better off investing that £80k and putting the extension on hold until you have resolved your relationship.

What a mess.

Buy your own home outright.

Don't wait for this cocklodger who's stringing you along.

You have enough money to have a baby on your own. You don't need a man!

What makes him a cocklodger exactly? He’s paying what’s remaining on the mortgage, the food bills, and OP hasn’t said anything to suggest he’s not paying his fair share of the normal bills.

Hes not a cocklodger just because he hasn’t been gifted a quarter of a million pounds

How are all the household expenses divided between the two of you? You mention that he has just started to pay for food, what else does he contribute? Have you considered dividing expenses proportionally to your two incomes?

Don't start the renovations, instead use that money to clear your credit card debts. That should have been your priority, as soon as you had funds available. You don't seem to have much grasp of basic money management!

You should consider just what he is contributing to the relationship and to your happiness, as he doesn't seem especially engaged or committed to it. So you would be rash to pour any more of your money into the house, when it's unlikely that this is really going to be a long term relationship.

This can't be serious.