Husband going out drinking by himself on family holiday

[Yellowbell]

I've recently been on 5 night holiday with DH and our 3 year old DS. We stayed in a hotel (not all inclusive resort or anything with family entertainment etc). During the holiday my DS was staying up a little later each night (around 8.30 - 9pm) as we went out for dinner late. DS was still getting up at the same time in the morning (6am) so was exhausted by this time.

One evening DH asked if he could watch football in the hotel bar whilst I got my son ready for bed and stayed in the room for the evening. I said this is absolutely fine. My husband then arrived back at the room at 1am after going out drinking in bars. When I spoke to him in the morning to tell him I was angry at the fact he'd been out drinking by himself and that I thought it was strange to do this on a family holiday he told me I'm boring to want to go back to the room by 9pm every night! What does he expect we're on holiday as a family and it's about making memories not staying out late drinking.

AIBU to think this is strange behaviour on a family holiday? For info DH has recently been on a 3 day stag party abroad so he shouldn't be desperate for a night out drinking.

I love city breaks but they can be awkward with very young children simply because there aren't exactly many apartment blocks with big patios or villas etc - so you are kind of stuck in your room if you have a young child that can't manage staying up - what we did when our son was that age was to go somewhere and have either an aparthotel with terrace or patio or a villa --- somewhere like Benalmedena so you could easily have a day out in Malaga a few times just up the coast or somewhere like Santa Ponsa, Paguera in Majorca and go into Palma a few times. But yes in my opinion it's rubbish for options if you are going to places like Prague, Amsterdam , Berlin etc unless you keep kids up.

When we lived in Copenhagen there were some decent options as just up the coast ( which has a very nice beach) you have places like Hellerup and Charlottenlund which have some lovely smart holiday rentals and you can then get the train into Copenhagen in about 12 minutes- also has a fantastic very old theme park on doorstep in Charlottenlund called Bakken , lots of woods, cute cafes and deer etc. ( I do really miss it, especially in Autumn)

Yeah, I think I'd let this one go. Even I wouldn't want to be in my room from 9pm every night. He probably went for walk, had a drink or two, don't be too disheartened.

@Treacletoots

lol parents can let their hair down on holiday you know! Why not ? What harm has OP’s husband done exactly?!

@Jessie1259

the way I would see it would be - his turn tonight, my turn tomorrow night whilst he sits in the hotel with child. Yasssss! 🥂🍹🍾💃

If you have to go back to thd hotel early because of young kids, I’d expect to spend the nights together. Going to watch the match was one thing and fine, but choosing to then go around bars, drinking on your own rather than spend the evening with your partner is shit imo. It’s only a 5 day holiday!

@LuckySantangelo35 Do you have kids and has your partner actually done this?

So OP can go out drinking on her own tomorrow? I don’t think that sounds like much fun. And when you only have 5 days of holiday, spending 1 night each drinking alone is odd.

The worst thing about ‘making memories’ is ‘making memories’ always is posed photos. Tbh I love my parents snapshots from the 80s, where there are photos of my dad with a brutal hangover after entering a backgammon contest on a tiny Greek island. Absolutely slaughtered in the contest, absolutely slaughtered drinking. But he lay on the beach the next day, me sat on his stomach as he bounced me, taking me into the shade for an ice cream (no doubt to stop himself from dying from a hangover). But later that day he probably built sandcastles with me, we all went back to the apartment, went out for dinner and played on the giant chess set at the local taverna. I remember the chess, the ice cream. I remember sitting on him tummy. And the photos remind me of those happy memories. But I would know them without the pictures.

Posed ‘making memories’ mean nothing.

@HowIsItNovemberAlready

doesn’t sound much fun to you. To others it would. It’s great to get out and explore a new city at night, find some cute little bars etc. yeah I’d rather do it with my partner but if it was a choice of taking it in turns to do it alone or missing out , I would deffo pick the former! Life is short!

If it wss just the one night I think YABU but as someone needs to wake up with your DC at 6am (so I'm guessing that will be YOU if he is going to sleep at 1am) I wouldn't like my DH doing this every night on the holiday....
Om oir last holiday, DH and I got drinks and sat in the balcony the both of us, when kids were asleep inside the room....I would have preferred being at the hotel bar or out, but couldn't leave the kids (6&4 yo) alone in the room... so this was the compromise.

Why smuggle? We just used to take drinks and sometimes dessert back to our room and sit on the balcony enjoying them while DC slept in the room. Never occurred to me I was meant to hide that.

Well I would be angry that he went out somewhere that he doesn't really know his way around, and you couldn't get to him easily if something happened. If he stayed in the hotel I would say Yabu, but it's very odd that he just went around looking for bars .

Never understood this putting kids to bed at 9pm in a hotel room lark - especially not at that age?

We always took buggies on holiday with us at that age. Most nights we ate out at a normal time and if they were tired they could snuggle up in the buggy and sleep.

We never went clubbing or anything crazy but it did mean we could have a civilised dinner and then a couple of drinks afterwards and everyone was happy.

And I never understand people who have one train of thought.
Some kids refuse to sleep in a pram.
My 2yo uses a sleeping bag, white noise and is sleep trained to sleep in her cot. How do you think that's going to work in a 'buggy'.

well that was your call then - if you sleep train a baby to sleep only in a cot then a hotel holiday is never going to be for you?

I was just saying that with a 3 year old I believe there are generally more options than everyone having to have an early night every day of their holiday.

Rarely see women trawling late night bars on their own

You sound jealous.

It was one night
You could have done the same another night

5 nights cooped up in a hotel room from 9pm sounds like Hell. There's only so much to talk about.

But I'm a MN oddity who doesn't think 9pm is a normal bed time

What does he expect we're on holiday as a family and it's about making memories not staying out late drinking

I don't think I'd find sitting in a hotel room at 9pm very memorable, to be honest.

I think he should have let you know he was going to visit a few bars, rather than saying he was just going to watch the football at the hotel, but I don't really see the problem with him going out alone if you wanted an early night and he didn't. Provided you also have the chance to do something you want to do alone (if there is anything) I don't think it seems like a huge issue.

Could you use a baby monitor and go to the hotel bar together

What’s gonna happen in a hotel room in the evening? Somewhere he doesn’t know his way around? He’s a grown man - I think he can find his way around..Google maps is great.

'Making memories' 🤣

What memories are you making at 9pm in a hotel room??

It's one night. Unclench. Anyone who has a problem with this needs to stop being so tight. Holidays are for unwinding and some people like a drink!

Save the 'memory making' for the day time. When you have the time and the environment to force making memories to put on social media.

This is why hotel Holidays and small kids don't work.

Why can't you all go out and put DS in a pushchair and take him out with you?

Would he fall asleep out at night in a stroller?

I can see it from both sides. Yes I can understand why you’re pissed off. But my goodness I can see why he wanted to get pissed and visit a few bars on his own. Holidaying with a 3 year old is crap. If someone gave me the chance to go off on my own and have a few drinks, let my hair down and leave my DH and kids in the room I would LOVE to do that. But it’s not the done thing for Mum’s so hey-ho.

I think it's fine for you to both have some separate "me time", but the extent needs to be agreed in advance, and it needs to be fair.

For example, I might take a couple of hours to get a massage and a pedicure and DH might take a couple of hours to watch sport, but it would be agreed beforehand between both of us.

OP, it sounds like your DH stayed out 3-4 hours later than you expected and left the hotel, which wasn't what you had agreed on. It's that lack of communication that shows a lack of respect. Presumably you were waiting for him to get back and were worried why he was taking so long. I would not want to be woken up by or waiting up for someone drunk tumbling into my hotel room at 1am.