Husband going out drinking by himself on family holiday

[Yellowbell]

I've recently been on 5 night holiday with DH and our 3 year old DS. We stayed in a hotel (not all inclusive resort or anything with family entertainment etc). During the holiday my DS was staying up a little later each night (around 8.30 - 9pm) as we went out for dinner late. DS was still getting up at the same time in the morning (6am) so was exhausted by this time.

One evening DH asked if he could watch football in the hotel bar whilst I got my son ready for bed and stayed in the room for the evening. I said this is absolutely fine. My husband then arrived back at the room at 1am after going out drinking in bars. When I spoke to him in the morning to tell him I was angry at the fact he'd been out drinking by himself and that I thought it was strange to do this on a family holiday he told me I'm boring to want to go back to the room by 9pm every night! What does he expect we're on holiday as a family and it's about making memories not staying out late drinking.

AIBU to think this is strange behaviour on a family holiday? For info DH has recently been on a 3 day stag party abroad so he shouldn't be desperate for a night out drinking.

Well it was just one night, out of a five night holiday 🤷‍♀️ I honestly couldn't get worked up over this!!

What 'memories' could you possibly have missed 'making' on this one night OP, in your hotel bedroom at 9pm? I'm sensing that it wasn't going to be earth shattering sex...with the little one asleep in the room!!! So I'm guessing these 'memories' were watching telly, or doing a word search?? Hardly riveting 🤦‍♀️

You are just pissed off that he's gone out and you're stuck in.

Why 'smuggle'? It's not illegal to take beer or wine back to your hotel bedroom!! 😂

I’m a bit on your side here, if I have to sit in a hotel room with a sleeping child so does DH. It would only be ok if I got to go and have a drink by myself too. If your DS was still getting up at 6am and you were expected to take the hit entirely the next day of getting up while your DH has a hangover and is a bit useless then yeah it’s unfair.

I think it's not fair to say its ok then get annoyed he's been out. I'm guessing you and DS were likely sleeping in the hotel room then anyway.
If he was OK to be up in the morning and ready to go have a good day then I can't see the issue.

I wouldn’t have a problem with that on 1 night.

1 night, not a problem and couldn't get worked up about this and would most likely enjoy the space

As long as he was up and present the next day to make some memories

I can see both sides tbh.

I probably wouldn’t make a big deal of it. Can be a bit suffocating not having any nightlife when you have small kids, was probably harmless.

On the other 4 nights, what did you and DH do? Were you just sitting in the hotel room with the TV on minimum volume?

Please tell me this isn't your idea of a great family holiday.

Thanks everyone - maybe I have overreacted a little. On previous holidays we'd had outside space and family entertainment on site so it's been easier to stay up and have a few drinks.

Not sure we'd pick a hotel in a city again...

I think it's a waste of money to go on holiday and sit in the room and go to bed at 9pm. Sure you can do that at home. The nights only starting, if you weren't staying in a family friendly hotel why didn't you all go find somewhere with some entertainment and put the child in a buggy. Mine use to be up dancing to bands and discos and we'd have a few drinks, they'd be tired and sleep later. Your child is obviously waking early because they're going to bed early.

Oh leave him be it's fine, it's not drinking alone as such as he probably just wanted some time to himself which everyone is entitled to family holiday or not and he would have been likely chatting with locals, guests and staff having fun! I wouldn't want to go back to my room at 9pm either. We've just had a family holiday and a couple of times one of us went back with the kids and the other stayed till closing for a drink and to socialise. As long as it's not every night and he's not hung over all day you need to chill out, poor bloke!

As @Wendysfriend says, the obvious (to most of us) thing is to snuggle the child in a buggy and go out! If DC finds it all fascinating instead of sleeping, all the better as you get a bit of a lie-in the next morning.

I would be annoyed if my
partner had said he’d be in one bar for an hour or two to watch the football but then had gone to multiple places for twice as long. I think it is weird to expect to go out drinking til early hours when on holiday with your partner and young child. What’s wrong with getting in some drinks for the two of you to have in your room/ apartment and spend the evenings talking? I’d be happy with that. Holidays change when kids come along I’m afraid

He was on holiday and he dropped out and chilled. Probably needs to do it more often.

Take it in turns, or let the kid stay up later. Who wants to be in bed by 9?

Wouldn't be for me OP, I'd be seriously pissed off being left in the room alone till 1am when he was only supposed to be out for an hour. But MN is full of cool wives who drink a lot I find.

I think its normal in some circles OP with some men who are a 'type' and have relationships with women who think 'men will be men'. Old fashioned, sexist types who go out drinking on Christmas Day while you cook dinner and on holiday while you mind the kids, and are all about the 'lads, the beer and the footie' even when they're 50. However, it really wouldn't be normal in most other types of relationship with other men who understand that a family holiday is an entirely different experience than Sunny Beach on a stag, because its not nice to leave your partner in on her own and make her the default child carer at 6am because you didn't get in from drinking with randoms until 1am.

You're being unreasonable, it sounds like he wanted a bit of time to himself.

Making memories at 9pm in a hotel room with a snoozing toddler?

Well, he probably wasn't huddled in a corner, staring morosely into his Cinco Estrellas. There would've been other people (local colour, atmosphere, society) and it's fairly likely many of them had watched the same match.

You did agree for him to go out but yeah I think tbh he could have had a drink with you in the hotel room their is a child who will be tired at that time and that's to be expected it's not like OP is wanting to go to bed at 9pm at the end of the day she was going back to the room for the child to go to bed

one night I wouldn’t have an issue.

🙄

Im not sure why you would have to be back in the hotel room by 9pm. Buggy for a 3 year old to sleep in is perfectly normal on holiday. Then neither of you need to be stuck inside by 9pm at night- that wouldn’t really suit me on holiday either to be honest.

But someone has to be- he dictated that the op had to spend it stuck in alone.

Op next time I would get an apartment with balcony or villa etc so you have a living space to sit out together and have drinks etc.

Not everyone’s child would sleep in a buggy like that. My first child would have but my second would have been an absolute nightmare and then screamed non stop and then not slept all night so not worth the hassle.