Has anyone else stop organising stuff...

[hby9628]

....not essential stuff like shopping/school uniform etc but things like tickets to events. Couple of examples,l....

friendship group &there is an event coming up soon that someone has suggested we go to. Some uptake but I know that if I don't book tickets it won't happen

DH needs to send a parcel. It's been packaged up ready to go for a week. I know if I don't sent it then it will continue to sit there. I'm going to see how long that takes.

I'm bored of organising stuff for other people. Anyone else feel similar? I'm aware there's a strong possibility I'm just being grumpy.

The world relies on people who do stuff

You just have to decide if the extra effort is worth it for you

It's not being grumpy at all

Me. I use to organize an extended family holiday, stopped that. Nobody has bothered to take it upon themselves since so guess it was never really that important.

Meals out and days out for extended family. Never reciprocated. Always ordered the most expensive things when I was paying. Stopped that now too as supporting DC in Uni means we are having to allocate £750 a month to that.

Buy only token gifts now as nobody made any effort for my gifts.

Still help older members of the family with practical things like shopping and gardening. Also do a few meals in my home a few times a year.

TBH I was a very social person in the past. As soon as I hit 50 I just felt like I have been there done that. Just cannot be bothered anymore.

I don't organise anything unless I am asked directly. With the friendship group, one of you will have to organise it for everyone, that's just how these things go. With doing things for my partner, I don't. He is a big boy and I don't meddle in his affairs.

Yes I feel exactly the same. It's just exhausting. And when certain friends say 'shall we meet us' I've started saying 'sure let me know when you are free and what you want to do' I'm done with being the organiser!

Yeah I've quit quit too

I only do what's absolutely necessary and in my interests

I organise stuff I really really want to do. Otherwise I don’t.

I've also started 'forgetting' to do stuff like everyone else seems to do

Oh yeah that still needs doing

Oh yeah! We need to do that

That's a good idea

Etc etc
.

@isthesolution yes it is exhausting!

@November2024WL the same here. I end up out of pocket.i have organised accommodation for a family trip with lots of family (parents are elderly so I don't mind doing this for them) but I'm not going to put my hand up to organise the shopping....I'll watch & wait to see if anyone else volunteers

I think that's my strategy now. Watch and wait and see if anyone else steps up

@coxesorangepippin great idea. I think I'll use some of these phrases

Not just out of pocket but slave for the week too!

Good idea letting someone else pick up the slack for the other stuff.

A couple of my friends and my partner have ADHD, so I know with them if I don't organise it either won't get done or we'll be rushing last minute, which I prefer not to do.

I don't mind organising as I have it down to a fine art now.

I don't passive-aggressively leave stuff, because it seems petty. If a parcel is a return within a certain date for example, and you let them miss that window on purpose, it's just mean. Same goes for if it was someone's birthday present.

But I notice a lot of people tend to overplan and overthink it and that's exhausting. For example my aunt will say "want to go out for a meal" and then message me with about 5 different options of places to eat (I'm not fussy and no dietary requirements) all of which will be the same kind of pubs I'm not familiar with (so all the same types of cuisine) and have no opinions on. Then she wants to tell me about the location of each (all within a mile). Then she wants to book it 6 weeks in advance. Then she'll spend at least an hour looking over the menu the night before deciding what she's eating, and want to talk to everyone else about it. Whereas if I ask my friends out for a meal at a pub I just message them a day and time, usually the same week, see if they can make it (they always can), and then turn up at said day/time.

So if you plan like my aunt then yes I'm not surprised you find it exhausting.

The parcel isn't time sensitive if it was something like that I would do it. I think it's just the expectation that I will do things that I'm a bit fed up with.

I'm a disorganised person and one of my friends is a PA so is hyper organised when it comes to suggesting and booking things. I'm hugely grateful to her for organising the things she does. I'm shocked that you are all being left out of pocket. I thought it was standard to get the organiser a meal /cuppa/glass of wine when out to say thank you for booking X, Y or Z and thought this was always the norm (a small contribution "for your shoe leather" to the person who has done the running around).

It is kind of sad with things like family/ friends group holidays when you realise no one but you would make the effort to organise it. However, I value it so much that I do it anyway. It adds a lot to my life and I enjoy it, so I do it. For me it's worth the effort.

@yukikata yes I do enjoy it. I just feel like I'm over being the organiser.
Maybe I'll feel differently at some point. I just need a break.

Yep. I gave up wife work years ago.

Namely, I stopped organising, buying and sending cards and presents for DP's family - parents, siblings, nieces/nephews. Since then, they haven't received a card or gift between them. Not my problem.

It's your choice really. You could always tell your friends that you value their company but are feeling a bit tired of organising things, so you are taking a step back for a while, but you would be happy if someone else wanted to organise something for you all.

It's a choice to be offended about this though (not saying you are) - but I try not to be offended about other people not organising things. Not many people like organising things and sometimes it stems from anxiety. It doesn't mean they don't care or aren't good friends. I still value their friendship.

As for your husband's parcel, that's his business - to be honest it wouldn't even register with me, I'd just leave it to him and not think about it. Why does it bother you?

Dh once missed a physio referral because he doesn't always open his post. Refuse to do it for him though.

No I don’t do it anymore. DS is currently on his travels around the world but seems to be trying to fund it by selling his clothes online with the expectation I will package and post them. Er nope!

DH has messaged to say “we need to sit and look at that parking fine appeal tonight” Er, not my fine why am I looking at it.

Also getting really irritated when DH schedules deliveries and tradesmen and just tells me when they’re coming. My job is more flexible but how about ask me before you arrange it.

oh and despite the embarrassment of being stood next to him at these things I won’t help DH source appropriate clothing for weddings and funerals anymore. Waiting until the night before to realise yet again your gut has grown and nothing fits is not my problem. Oh and no I won’t stroke your hair and say “don’t worry look fine because you don’t look fine you look bloody ridiculous squeezed into those trousers and your shirts about to pop a button”

Glad it's not just me. I feel better about that & a little less grumpy.
The parcel has now been moved closer to the front door. I'm thinking he's decided to send it himself. Will see what tomorrow brings.

😂😂😂

Yes, it drives me mad that my DP has a parcel sat about for his nephews birthdays (in July) and that he says a lot of we should do x/take DC to doctor/fix that item etc meaning you should organise it. He would deny this but I have now noticed if I don't do it it won't happen. I now pick things I care about and do them only. I see it as helping our relationship because I now have time for me, and us, instead of being stressed and resentful that I am doing everything

I've had this out with my family ( husband and two teens) and asked them to stop using my brain due to laziness.
As an example, I will only answer "don't know" if they ask "where is my/ have we got X?"
If they ask me "have you seen ...?"or " do you know if we have ...?" I am much more helpful. I absolutely hate the assumption that just I should just know all this, where things are, what type of flour we have, when the dog needs worming ( even though I generally do.
My work colleagues do it too so I've started to play a bit dumb there as well.

‘If it’s not your problem put it down’ is how I’ve been living recently.