To not want this to be a big deal - child free wedding

[LavenderLavender]

DH’s relative is getting married later next year. We’d initially been told that family children would be welcome but now we’ve had the formal invitation that is not the case. Our daughter will be 9 months at the time. The wedding is in a different city (about 3 hours away from us) and in-laws had already booked accommodation for us in a lovely looking hotel for a couple of days on the basis that we’d be going as a family (FIL spent a long time calling round to try and find the most baby-friendly option).

I’ve absolutely no issue with the bride and groom having a child free day (we had family only/babies only at our wedding so understand how children can quickly add to the headcount!). We don’t have anybody local to the wedding who could babysit and I don’t think I’d feel happy leaving her with my relatives who live in our city and then go that far away (although that could change by 9 months!).

DH family is the sort that only get together for weddings and funerals so for various aunties etc this was likely going to be the first chance to meet our daughter. I’ve suggested that DH goes with his family anyway and I’ll stay at the hotel. DD and I can have a day exploring a new city and then I’ll get room service or something. To be honest the wedding venue doesn’t look particularly child friendly so I was a bit nervous about taking my daughter anyway. If I travel to the city instead of staying home we could potentially meet up with his wider family for a coffee the day after.

DH and in-laws are upset about this and want to approach the couple and ask them to reconsider. I’m mortified at this suggestion! It’s an awkward situation as the mother of the bride was under the impression that our daughter was invited but it is what it is. DH is now saying he doesn’t want to go as he won’t enjoy it if I’m not there but I don’t want it to look like we’re boycotting because of the no children thing (although we hadn’t formally RSVP’d we’d indicated when chatting that we’d be there).

Any suggestions before this needlessly gets blown up?

This seems like a long time ago now!

Seeing as this thread has reappeared - may as well update. In the end we all went for a weekend away. I stayed at the hotel with DD during the wedding and we had a nice day out exploring the nearby area - found a soft play, coffee shop etc. I had a lovely evening having a room service pizza in bed with a new book while she slept. Didn't end up going to the reception in the end as I was far too comfy!

DH and family went to the wedding, apparently it was nice but one of those weddings where the photos take ages with little food so they were all fairly jealous of my coffee shop/cake/pizza! The main drama on arrival was that there were two other babies there which DH's grandmother is still fuming about many, many months later but can't say I'm especially bothered - sounds like I might have had the better day regardless.

Thanks for updating. Glad it all worked out at the end. Many years ago we were invited to a wedding where hubby was best man. Our baby was 4 weeks old and we had a 2 year old toddler at the time of the wedding and they weren’t invited. I never thought to ask if I coukd at least take the baby! A friend looked after then both (who had never had children). The wedding started at 12noon and went on till late in the evening and I was breast feeding. Wedding was an hour away, no mobiles then. I am horrified now when I think about it, that I left the children. Should just not have gone.