Friend barely speaking at mealtimes on holiday?

[CallyT]

Friend lives alone so probably isn't used to mealtimes with another person. Old friend of many years.

Usually when we catch up over dinner at home she is chatty and normal.

The first meal or two was fine but the last couple have been painful. She eats very slowly and barely says two words.

She doesn't ask questions and hardly makes eye contact. Tonight I asked if she was ok and she said yes. The only thing time she made conversation was to point out a picture on the restaurant wall and kept talking about it when I tried to change the subject.

AIBU to think as we're on holiday she should be making an effort?

So she finally had something to say - about the picture and you just kept trying to change the subject instead of hearing her out.
Do you often dominate your conversations? Do you assume your topics and interests are simply better than other people's?

Having cared for someone with anorexia I can understand the comment by @Agix - even prior to eating, she might be experiencing very high levels of anxiety due to not knowing what the menu options might be - does she have an eating disorder? @CallyT That would also explain why she seems so shut down while eating and eating so slowly. Have you asked her or let her have an input on how, where, when and what you eat or does she also shut down during those conversations? It's a very very strange, complex and confusing illness seen very close up and the people suffering with it are very adept at hiding it in plain sight: it's the only thing I can think of based on what you've said.

I think her social battery is fully drained. Suggest you both have a day to go off and do your own things and meet up for dinner.

Honestly, if you’ve been together all day, what else do you have to talk about? I’d probably want to eat in silence too! When dh’s family comes to stay, we are entertaining them all day and by dinner, truly I have no more to say to them.

I would eat alone or at least excuse yourself once you have finished if it happens again.

This.

I agree with you when you go out for dinner with a friend as a one-off, but they're on holiday together 24/7. Wouldn't it be strange to be chatting non-stop for that long?! Night after night at a restaurant, day after day, staying together in the same room with no space?

OP, I think you need to stop making your friend the problem and direct your inquiries toward yourself.

Why did you shut down your friend's attempt to talk about a picture?

Were your own conversational topics of any interest to your friend?

Are you one of those people who always needs to fill the air with noise, with chatter, no matter how inane, or with background music/tv/radio/podcasts?

Are you uncomfortable with silence?

Are you able to sit quietly with your own thoughts?

Do you have any insight or curiosity as to why this is?

I prefer to sit and enjoy my food when eating but that's me

It’s clear from the diversity of responses on here that there are many possible reasons why she’s not chatty at meals. It could be her upbringing, social battery, issues around eating, etc.
It’s making you uncomfortable and concerned about how the friendship is going so it might be worth opening up a conversation about it. Not over dinner 😀 but maybe while you’re doing an activity. Something like ‘I noticed you’re quiet at mealtimes and I’m just wondering if everything is ok, if you just prefer not to chat when you’re eating?’ Then at least you can guage what’s going on and like other posters have said, you can take a phone/book, plan alone-time etc.

You find silence at meal times difficult. She seems to find the endless chatter from you difficult.

You’re prioritising your own comfort over hers here.

How's it been today @CallyT ?

Yanbu.

Weird thread. Why are people pretending this is normal?!

A woman who usually eats at a normal pace and has a friendly chat, is suddenly eating in silence other than odd comments about a picture.

This must feel quite uncomfortable and I'm not sure how I'd manage it.

If she's normal chatty and happy other than meal times I would ask her at a different time of day whether everything is OK.

Perhaps she'd like to spend a bit of time separately or to eat in the room occasionally or she just wants a bit of peace.

Hopefully if you are reassured there's nothing wrong you can just agree to take a book/scroll MN and enjoy the quiet.

It can be pretty full on holidaying with a friend and being together all the time.

Bring a books or magazine. Or ask if she minds if you leave her to it and go off and do something else.

Sounds tedious

I have been on holiday with lots of different friends over the years

I don't think I've ever eaten in silence with them

I find the thought quite odd

Then do you ever go out to dinner with friends? Or away with them?

utterly incompatible holiday makers
no right or wrong

Not strange in the slightest.

Never heard anything like this before

youre on weight loss injections op…. i’m surprised you’re eating at all from what i have read on mumsnet!

Why do people want you to choke when they are eating by yabbering away.
I don't take any questions at meal times as I tell folks LOOK; I only ask to be left alone to eat quietly 20mins out of 24hrs.
Breakfast 5 mins
Lunch 5 mins
Dinner 10 mins
WTF is so important that can't wait. Honestly allow people to chew and eat and digest their food in peace.

you started a thread about going on holiday late october / november… alone

So it was a last minute addition that she joined?

Just let the poor woman eat in peace.

You're probably pissing her off. Perhaps you haven't done anything but living in close quarters all week can make you annoyed with the other person. I struggle with friend holidays for that reason tbh.

It sounds like she just needs some quiet and doesn’t feel chatty.

Sometimes when I’m really tired (often the case on holiday as my body & mind finally get a break!) I just find conversation exhausting.

id try to just enjoy her company without expecting too much.