Split up with ex and the father of my children two years ago. The split was due to his own anxiety, drinking and our house move. We bought our dream house but the area is so rough (literally murders, crime, aggressive neighbours). It set my ex's anxiety through the roof, and he was started on by a neighbour which sent him into a spiral of anxiety and drinking. Not to make excuses for him but he's very socially anxious. Our dd has autism and I think he may do too. This incident caused him to become determined to move. But no one would buy our house.
He became increasingly angry. And irrational. He was telling me to sell to one of these 'we buy any house' schemes, even though we wouldn't have enough to buy anything after. We aren't on very good wages and this house was my inheritance. There is no way we would be allowed to borrow above what we had already.
It cumulated with him ringing me on holiday, fuming and screaming at me to sell for any price and that he would be dead in a year if I didn't.
I told him to leave. Go to his parents and seek help. Get better and we'll talk.
He hasn't got help. He is drinking less and is calmer but this is obviously away from the house situation.
We just went away together for the children's sake and it was ok. I don't want to be in a relationship again. But the children love him.
They love having him there and not having to go to two houses.
I must admit I love the extra help. It has been a tough two years. I do everything. Every drop off, pick up, every bit of housework. I have a full on, full time job. I've been so skint I could cry. He does send money but I'm stubborn and don't ask. I'm also doing a course which I never have time to do. In short I'm drowning. At times I feel like I'm sort of sleep walking through life, on constant fight or flight.
But I'm not stupid. There were many times when he brought me so much stress. He used to get mad when I had friends over if they stayed past 11pm if he had work or if the kids were loud in the garden. He was penny pinching at times. He wouldn't always shower or change his clothes.
Tbh him moving back in is a shit option. Having to do it all on my own is a shit option. If I could use a magic wand then maybe him having a flat close or an annex would be ideal. He won't move back here, so do we try to move? Again?
Kids want him back. But they don't want to move. I want to move. But don't feel it will solve all the problems. I don't want to be in a relationship with him. But I struggle doing it all. And I don't want to move on.
Anyone else know how it feels?