Top Unis - am I missing something?

[OnTheRoll]

DD is in Year 13, predicted 3 A, already has an A from a language A Level she did last year, and 11 GCSEs all 8/9. Got a great work experience in her chosen field, lots of academic reading, etc., etc. Has been working very hard and aiming for a top uni.

The problem is, it seems that unless she gets into Oxbridge, there isn't a suitable option for her?

We are in SE so decided not to go for Durham/Edinburg as the travel is just too much, 5+ hours, and she would not be able to come home more than once a term. She would very much prefer a campus experience rather than a city uni which rules out LSE/UCL in London.

There are of course great options like Warwick, Bristol, Bath, Exeter. We visited and DD loved them and so did I.

But I cannot help thinking that if she were to go to one of those unis she didn't really need to spend that much time working, studying and sacrificing her free time. Does it make sense? Entry requirements in those unis in her subject are all quite lower than her current and predicted grades.

Would appreciate some perspective.

Can we not accept horrible stereotyping and reverse snobbery please. Replace “unbelievably rah” with “unbelievably chavvy” and see how that sounds. Both horrid.

Apart from blind recruitment, I don't think the rest of your post is true.

It's 8.30 on a Monday morning. What on earth is the rest of your week going to be like, considering you've already woken up and chosen to be this shitty.

Depends which type. But yes. With ever increasing numbers applying and many ask for a minimum 2.1 they differentiate often by looking at A level grades.

Ultimately, she either needs to get brave and have her birthday at uni /get on a bus to class, or accept that her (your?) anxieties will hold her back to the likes of Warwick. Which is also a very good uni.

Sounds like she’s not mature enough to be making these decisions and a gap year would do her well. Get some practice being away from home and taking buses.

To simply do the best she could? It's all we ask of our children, isn't it?

It comes across as though you think there is no Uni good enough for your daughter.

But Durham isn't chavvy. It's like a very English private boarding school in uni form.

But it’s what is clear from the posts. Is one now not supposed to point out when they feel somebody is be unreasonable on AIBU. 🤔

Are you saying your daughter is in the last part of year 13 and you are just only now looking at her options?

My son is in yr 13 in a top grammar in SE - hate to break it to you but 8/9s, 3 to 4 A*s is pretty common at that level. Warwick, Bristol, Bath, Exeter are all great unis and are on his list - its not just the grades your daughter is striving for but also the experience of academic rigour / brain development which will stand her in good stead not just for uni but for life.

But to be honest, I have not pushed my children to get 3 to 4 A*s because I could see that its best to strive for above entry levels but no need to smash anything - work/life balance and mental health are just as important as grades.

You’re missing my point. “Rah” as a description is as rude as “chavvy”.

It’s odd that you write “WE have dismissed” because this should really be your daughter’s decision and an extra couple of hours’ travel is nothing.

Also, entry requirements are minimum requirements. Plenty of courses are vastly oversubscribed at Edinburgh and Durham, so even all A*s won’t guarantee a place. You’re being quite arrogant to assume she can just walk in wherever you eventually decide is good enough!

No, it's clear to you because you've chosen to layer some of your own prejudice on to it. Its not clear to me at all.

Do not discount the peace of mind of being the highest scoring student on a course with slightly lower requirements...

Dd came out of one of your disparaged unis with a good first and a major scholars prize alongside a job offer from the multinational sponsor of the prize.

Choose the course, not the uni.

Or life experience. I’d have thought a course with a year in industry or prior experience is worth way more than non relevant Alevel grades.

In my experience, grades are important for internships but someone with good grades AND some kind of work experience in a shop or something, getting involved in societies etc would come out on top. They're already familiar with a working environment

Well its very succinct in this case so we will have to agree to disagree.

Well, I guess the child’s whole academic career shouldn’t be geared towards the grades as a ‘means-to-an-end’ ie. getting into Oxbridge - but as a journey towards learning and understanding and achieving potential.

I often wonder what it’s like for the kids who go to these prestigious universities on the back of hundreds and thousands of pounds been spent on private schools and/or multiple-subject private tutition, who then meet kids like mine who went to State schools and never had paid-for additional tutoring or Summer schools but ended up with the exact same stellar grades.

I’m proud of my kids for achieving what they achieved. They still didn’t make it to Oxbridge though so are ‘rejects’ in that sense 😂(They’re enjoying Uni life where they’ve ended up though and are surrounded by other rejects, some of whom are definitely more sore about it!)

And being 5 hours away shouldn’t be a barrier to applying to Uni. Is it them or you who don’t like this idea?

It’s up to you though to encourage her to fly the best further if she wants the best uni for her and that’s further away.
Saying ‘it’s not up to me’ and ‘ I don’t mind’ isn’t enough.
Kids pick up hugely across all the years of growing up on parents wishes, anxieties and want to please. This happens on both a conscious and unconscious level.
If Durham or or EB is a good fit then why on earth does 5 hours matter? Coming home for a possible birthday or similar really is so inconsequential here. Terms are short and you can each do a visit once a term?

Ok. “Blackpool
college isn’t rag. Just like a very English comprehensive school in uni form.” Is that ok to say too? Thought not.

Commuting IN London, not TO London.

Halls for the London unis which offer her subject are remote, not great, expensive and require daily commute.

It sounds as if she needs a break. Does she have form for changing her mind about things, is that why she’s worrying about how she might feel next year?

I would echo pp who suggested she looks into having a gap year. She might offer to work in her local MP’s office, volunteer at a local charity, get a job, or go travelling- or a combination of all of them- and potentially reapply to university next year. By then she might feel more secure in knowing what she wants from the experience.

Lots of people change their minds while at uni. Two of my friends changed course within our university and one actually dropped out and started again somewhere else. I looked into switching institutions at the end of my first year- my tutor told me it’s fairly straightforward and they just reflect it on your degree certificate, like BA (Cambs) with first year Warwick, or whatever. It’s not terrible to discover you made a mistake and can usually be corrected.

Getting the best grades she can will be worth it anyway- it’s validation, it looks good on your CV, and it can give her a boost of confidence.

I had offers from Russell Group unis but wanted to stay near home so I decided on a mid-teir uni instead despite having straight As. I'm now in the civil service and progressing through the grades much quicker than the ones who started at the same time as me from Russell Group unis. It's not always down to where you study but what your personal attributes are

DS1 didn't get into Cambridge and is now doing Maths at Durham.

He did meet the offer requirements from Warwick, which he was considering, but felt Durham would offer a better social life, even though the grade requirements were slightly lower.

He's having a fantastic time, it is a long way to travel, but he only comes home in the holidays.

DS2 also wants to do Maths and is Year 13. He's applied to Cambridge and is probably going to make Warwick his second choice. But he is less interested in the social life and very studious. Really hoping he gets into Cambridge.

I've been a student at Warwick and Durham, I got far more from Warwick as a student both academically and otherwise. Everyone I knew there got top grades at school and worked incredibly hard to get them.

Durham was similar but with old buildings, posh dinners and robes. I'm not sure those things made it a better Uni though...

I don't know how far you are from London trains from Durham to King's Cross can take less than 3 hours and the campuses in Durham Uni are in and just on the outskirts of the city centre so really accessible.