Hi fellow Mumsnetters. Apologies
for the long post.
Im Hoping someone can help me make sense of this situation.
I Feel so angry and I really don’t know what to do for the best. All I know is I’ve had enough.
Dp came home from the pub tonight, after going to watch the footy and was out for roughly 2-3 hours. Me and our 5yo were sat happily watching a movie. He seemed fine when he walked in, said hello etc but then proceeded to pick the cat up off the foot stool, throw her across the room with force and she hit our son’s toy truck. I was absolutely gob smacked. I still am. I usually keep things in until little one is in bed but on this occasion I was so shocked and disgusted with him I couldn’t hold my tongue. which didn’t go down well. He has never done anything like that before.
I felt terrible for my little one at him having just witnessed that, but surprisingly he didn’t even react. I don’t know if maybe he was shocked as I was but didn’t know what to say perhaps.
Fast forward to maybe 15 mins later and I’ve approached him about it , asked him what’s going on why did he do it etc (out of earshot of our little one ofc) and he responded with “ I didn’t do anything, I lifted her up and put her down , cats jump.. if sh e hadn’t of jumped it wouldn’t of happened.” “ your making something out of nothing on purpose to make me look bad in front of our son” “ you think your better than everyone” and then continued to tell me I belittle him all the time.
Now I know what it looks like when someone handles a cat gently , and I am
not someone who exaggerates
either. So for him to down play it has just pissed me off even more , I know what I saw him do and it was with force. i think the drink had something to do with it but even then it’s not an excuse.
just last week we had a conversation about his drinking and spending habits, he works full time 8-4 and is in the pub straight after work for at least 2 hours a night through the week and longer on the weekends. Coming home tipsy and drunk and winding our little one up when it’s time for him to settle down to sleep , ( there’s more I could say but I don’t think there’s room) then when I put. Stop to it and say enough is enough he is tired , I get passive aggressive comments thrown at me and told that I am
not letting him be a dad. Implying that I am controlling and bossy. I am none of these things. I just don’t think it’s fair that he comes in drunk stinking of fags and booze at 7pm and interrupts our son’s bedtime.
i am currently a sahm and do everything for our
little one and around the home, as he seems to think just doing the bare minimum is ok..(work, pub, his own washing) despite mybest efforts for things to be equal , it falls on deaf ears. this is incredibly upsetting and frustrating for me and more importantly I can’t help but think of the confusion it must cause our son. He absolutely dotes on his dad , and I see the sad look in his eyes every evening when we sit down for tea and dp isn’t with us. Having to answer the same question night after night” where’s dad is he at pool again” it’s breaking my heart.
there is more to it - emotional avoidance, silent treatments, pretending he hasn’t heard me when I try to talk to him, come
home drunk despite me asking him to curb his drinking. Laughs at me when I try to talk about these things..Mood swings but never too intense, just grumpy and unapproachable .the list goes on.
I just feel so lost, I don’t knowow what to do for the best. I feel like I want out but the thought of it all l really worries me, from a stress perspective.. and I feel so guilty on my little one!!
is this emotional abuse?
im hoping someone with experience of this type of dynamic can help …
thanks for reading
xx