To consider quitting breastfeeding?

[minnieot]

My baby is almost 8 weeks old and exclusively breastfed. He has a mild tongue tie but has still fed okay since birth and has put on weight nicely, he's a very chunky boy.

Breastfeeding has just been anxiety inducing from the very beginning for me, constantly worrying about whether he's getting enough, fast letdown which caused him to fuss a lot and suspected CMPA so I've been off dairy and soya for a week and a half now which has been mentally taxing.

He's still getting a rash with every feed and still seems so unsettled and uncomfortable non stop. The health visitor also advised me to block feed to help with my fast flow which I did but now it feels as if my supply has gone down too much and he's suddenly struggling to stay latched and his tongue is clicking as he's having to work for the milk a lot more. He's still having plenty of wet nappies but seems absolutely miserable and I'm miserable worrying about whether he's getting the amount of milk he needs and whether he's going to end up losing weight, it's just severely impacting my mental health.

OH doesn't understand how difficult breastfeeding is and wants me to continue. I do want to continue because I love bonding with my baby and when it is going well I really enjoy it, but if he isn't feeding properly I don't feel I can continue.

Also, with him clearly having allergies beyond milk and soya, the thought of having to go through an elimination process makes me feel so mentally drained, I'm not sure I can go through with it - but on the flip side, I've heard nothing but bad things about the formula for babies with allergies, and it would be a palava on it's own just getting him to take a bottle, as he refuses the bottle if we ever try to give him expressed milk.

Feeling very stuck and exhausted and unsure where to turn. I just want my baby to be happy and healthy and I feel like I'm failing him no matter what I do.

It'll take more than a week to see any difference as it takes a while to get out of your milk.

He's obviously getting enough if he's chunky. I wouldn't worry.

I haven't even read the full thread past the part where you said it's been anxiety inducing since the start. For that reason alone, quit. You've managed 8 weeks which is more than I did. And you don't need to feel a single ounce of guilt for doing what makes life easier and happier for you.

@teatoast8 I've been expecting that with other symptoms but from what I've seen, he shouldn't be getting a rash anymore as it should be out of my milk by now and should just be his gut taking time to heal

It actually takes more than a week and half to come out your milk

Contact a breastfeeding support organisation and speak to them for advice. Health Visitor may not be a lactation specialist.

You aren’t failing if you switch to the bottle. Your baby’s health AND your mental health are equally important.

You WILL get through this. This will get better.

National Breastfeeding Helpline 100 0212 0300 100 0212.

There's nothing wrong with formula feeding, and happy mum = happy baby. If this is causing significant stress, it's not worth it. Do whatever you need to do to keep you and baby happy so you can enjoy these precious newborn months. They will be gone in an instant, trust me. And do not, whatever you do, let ANYONE guilt trip you about how you feed your baby. You are mum, you know best, and your wellbeing matters alongside your baby's.

I say this as a breastfeeding advocate who breastfed two kids for just over a year. But my second child's first feed was formula! I put so much pressure on breastfeeding with my first, and in hindsight, I would have enjoyed her infancy so much more without that pressure.

The allergy milk is vile and has very little nutritional value so for this reason alone I would be pushing through. My LO has multiple allergies and I fed him for two years to avoid giving him the prescription milk. It is so so hard but it is the best thing for an allergy baby and you clearly have a great supply, could you switch to pumping to share the load?

If you're miserable feeding, you can stop, doesn't matter what your DH thinks. It made me miserable too so I stopped, much earlier than you. It's a cliche but now DS is 5, I don't think about it at all, he's the picture of health and I have absolutely no idea how any of his friends were fed. You and your mental health are important too.

This is not true. All infant formula is nutritionally complete, and as a very allergic baby who was not breastfed and is now almost 42 years of age and as healthy as most my age, there's no harm in feeding allergic babies alternatives to breast milk!

I breastfed for 11 weeks and was lucky enough to be very privileged to pay for great lactation support. Despite that, I was completely and utterly miserable and anxious and felt suicidal often. I put a huge amount of pressure on myself to continue despite women in my life gently suggesting it could be the issue. I stopped and the cloud immediately lifted. I wish I hadn’t put so much pressure on myself to continue for as long as I did. It’s brilliant when it works, but for some people it just doesn’t - and that can be mentally as well as physically. Both are important.
Also, your partner needs to back off.

@orion678 bur it’s just oil? No milk like formula, just oil and vitamins essentially, babies very often reject it because the waste and smell is so awful. There can be no comparison to breast milk and regular formula is at least with milk protein.

I have to agree. They smell vile. My daughter refuses it now so fully breastfeed

If it's hurting your mental health, definitely put that first. Have breastfed two babies and it's really hard even without allergies in the mix. What your baby needs most is a healthy, happy mama, not to be EBF.

Could you try introduce one formula bottle to see how you both tolerate it? It's recommended to leave a week between dropping feeds anyway, to stop you getting any crazy hormone crashes or clogged ducts, so that could be a low pressure way of deciding what's best for you?

As for your partner, if he wants the baby to be breastfed so badly there's medications that'll let him lactate - suggest he talks to his GP. 😇

This is exactly what I meant about the formula which is hugely putting me off. It makes me feel absolutely terrible to think about putting him on a formula with no nutrition which tastes horrible 😢 but surely it's better than a miserable mother and struggling to latch? I just don't know

You've done 8 weeks, which I know must feel like a lifetime for you.
You say you feel like he's fussy still. Is he draining your milk with each feed or just getting the first part mostly? I had a problem where it felt like I was feeding constantly and soon realised they were not really getting the fattier hind milk, so made sure they got as much as possible out of one side first before switching to the other.
Is it because of engorgment you feel like is tongue is clicking? If so, try to massage the breast and express a little so he can get a better latch on.
The other thing I want to say is that we are going into the winter season now and I cannot tell you how much of a comfort breastfeeding is to a sick child. There has been times where it was the only thing they could keep down and it was such a reassurance to me that they were getting liquid and nutrition in those difficult moments. The milk you make will strengthen your babies immune system to fight all the nasty bugs going around, and it's worth it's weight in gold for that reason alone.
It definitely gets easier, in 4 or so months you can introduce solids and so will get a little breather from the constant feeding.

Agree with this!

Only you and if needed a qualified medical opinion should have a say in when you stop feeding. Stop if you want to but as a Mum of two kids with allergies, in my experience it was easier to manage when bf.

Factually incorrect. It does not have the casein whole protein found in cows milk, because that is what the babies are allergic to. Rather, it breaks that protein into pieces that do not trigger allergic reactions. Summary: it does contain the protein a baby needs in a form that a baby who is allergic can actually digest. It is nutritionally complete, and if your child needs it, is a perfect substitute for breast milk

How bad is the allergy because my first was same, came up with a rash if she had too much formula. I was combo feeding because mainly when I got little sleep, I’d make less milk, so I would bottle formula at night for one to two feeds every few days or if that week was hard. So you could try that if you’re so worried about formula feeding. It’s not a hard line of breastfeed or no breastfeeding. Just do you. And don’t you dare feel like a failure for any of it. Because you got this, formula or/and breast

anyways, as she grew, weaned and I go less tired within the first year, did more breastfeeding until she was 20 months

OP you can also consider soy based formula, which we used with my second for a while when we were concerned about milk allergy. It smells less funky than prescription formula and he tolerated it reasonably well, though ultimately we determined he didn't have a lactose intolerance or cows milk protein allergy

But again, prescription formula is nutritionally complete. This is a requirement in order for them to manufacture it for infant nutrition and it is strictly controlled. If it had no nutritional value they would not be able to sell it.

She's cut out soya.

Your partner can have an opinion when he acquires the ability to lactate.

Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you and your baby. 8 weeks is famously the hardest point for BFing and when many give up - there is a big growth spurt that can make babies fussy and want to be latched constantly. The best BF advice I got was don’t give up on a bad day, especially if there are elements of it you enjoy. If you would like to keep trying I really recommend seeing a lactation consultant if you can. I was in your position not long ago and now have been BFing my son for nearly 9 months and I’m so glad I stuck with it - mostly because when it gets easy (and I promise it will!) it’s the most convenient thing ever.