To consider quitting breastfeeding?

[minnieot]

My baby is almost 8 weeks old and exclusively breastfed. He has a mild tongue tie but has still fed okay since birth and has put on weight nicely, he's a very chunky boy.

Breastfeeding has just been anxiety inducing from the very beginning for me, constantly worrying about whether he's getting enough, fast letdown which caused him to fuss a lot and suspected CMPA so I've been off dairy and soya for a week and a half now which has been mentally taxing.

He's still getting a rash with every feed and still seems so unsettled and uncomfortable non stop. The health visitor also advised me to block feed to help with my fast flow which I did but now it feels as if my supply has gone down too much and he's suddenly struggling to stay latched and his tongue is clicking as he's having to work for the milk a lot more. He's still having plenty of wet nappies but seems absolutely miserable and I'm miserable worrying about whether he's getting the amount of milk he needs and whether he's going to end up losing weight, it's just severely impacting my mental health.

OH doesn't understand how difficult breastfeeding is and wants me to continue. I do want to continue because I love bonding with my baby and when it is going well I really enjoy it, but if he isn't feeding properly I don't feel I can continue.

Also, with him clearly having allergies beyond milk and soya, the thought of having to go through an elimination process makes me feel so mentally drained, I'm not sure I can go through with it - but on the flip side, I've heard nothing but bad things about the formula for babies with allergies, and it would be a palava on it's own just getting him to take a bottle, as he refuses the bottle if we ever try to give him expressed milk.

Feeling very stuck and exhausted and unsure where to turn. I just want my baby to be happy and healthy and I feel like I'm failing him no matter what I do.

The allergy formula isn’t great tasting I believe. Have you considered pumping? Maybe try expressing after a feed and build up a freezer supply. That way if you do decide to quit, baby will continue to have a supply for longer. Your DP needs to consider your mental health and not just say he wants you to quit. Normally i’d say just quit but the issue with formula / potential allergies might be worth sticking it out a bit longer

I think we're on the same page. Above all else I just want OP to feel she has options, and she matters, and that how her baby is fed is less important than both her and baby being healthy and happy. I guess with two kids rapidly growing into miniature adults and none forthcoming, I have some regret that I didn't take more time to just enjoy having tiny babies and cut out the noise of what I should be doing ❤

I had huge issues feeding my eldest, she had a lip tie which they don't treat, and I had so much pain. But I really wanted to do it. I spoke to my health visitor about formula and she says she thought I'd regret it because she could see how much I wanted to do it.

So I gave it another go and at ten weeks things suddenly got a lot easier. And then we breastfed exclusively till six months and continued beyond that alongside solids.

So if it's something you really want to do I would say keep going a few more weeks and then re-evaluate how you feel and how it's going. And definitely get help from your local drop in or phone the national helpline.

Stopping breastfeeding after 6 weeks was the hest decision I ever made with dc. Sometimes it's not worth the extra stress.

I would keep going for a short while longer until the allergens have cleared out of your milk and then reevaluate. If it’s still tough, try prescription formula alongside BF for a while to see if your baby will tolerate it. If they do, you can slowly cut out BF’ing.

Only you know how you really feel. Just trust me on this, whichever path you choose you will still have a wonderful happy baby and you have so many precious moments to look forward to of motherhood that will not be even slightly impacted by how you choose to feed. So there is absolutely never a need for you to feel any guilt.

I put myself through hell trying to breastfeed DC1, gave up after about a month. With DC2 I was very ill straight after birth, when I woke up the midwife told me sadly that the drugs they’d given me meant I couldn’t breastfeed for several days…I was trilled, and they went straight on formula.
A happy mother is the most important thing, do whats best for you. Theres no prizes for making yourself miserable.

@orion678 this resonates so much, I’m still in the thick of it with baby no 2 but my first was just a blur of pain, stress and worry and the least important thing about the journey is how they are fed, I definitely still have some trauma around the issues with my eldest and his allergies so hope for the OP she can power through in the way which feels most manageable for her, it’s a tough old time

Hey OP! Allergy breastfeeding mama here, I was in a very similar situation to you not long ago. It will take a good few weeks to see the impact of cutting dairy and soya from your diet, and your health visitor can and should put you in contact with a dietician for support on that.
my DD is 17 weeks and has latch issues so we use nipple shields and it’s made a huge difference. We have the allergy formula in the cupboard just in case but we have managed since cutting the diary and with shields/ pumping. We introduced a bottle of expressed milk once a day for DH to bond and me to get a break and she fed for hours as a newborn.
on the flip side I have to older children who had cmpa and had the allergy formula, both are absolutely fine and we are incredibly close/bonded so don’t beat yourself up about it if you decide to go that route.

sending lots of positivity

DC’s were solely formula fed and had no allergies or health issues. Healthy happy babies = happy parents.

New babies are so hard - just know that you're doing a great job, mama! 🌸

Why does that sound like a dig? I'm tired but it just seems that way

If it’s making you anxious or upset in any way please stop. Your baby will be fine on the right formula. We are so lucky to have formula. There’s no shame in using it for your baby. You’ve done amazing trying so hard for 8 weeks but it’s your decision alone.

SPOT ON. I sincerely regret not switching to bottle feeding with my son sooner.
We would both have been happier.

Babies can be 100% healthy without breast milk.

Try having a chat with someone from the la leche league or breastfeeding network to discuss your concerns around how your baby is reacting to each feed. I found their advice invaluable, and it was like I felt the weight literally being pulled away from me after chatting with someone who was not only was an expert in infant feeding but also understand the impact on mum too (theyre both free). HV aren't specifically breastfeeding trained, same as GPs and midwives. Generally speaking, unless they have a particular interest and have pursued it most have only an hour or so dedicated training, so can often share some very questionable advice. I would also try a group if you have one local to you, or if not, there are some lovely ones on Facebook if you just need some general advice and a rant.

Ultimately, this is your body and your decision and your decision alone. No individual on mn, hv, or partner can or should be pushing you to do one or the other. I would recommend you reach out before making that decision, if you do decide to wean know that you have done a wonderful thing with your child and a bond can and will grow with or without breastfeeding.

I had a very fast letdown. Try to hand express a little before feeding as that’ll slow the flow. Breastfeeding is so hard. My first point blank refused to take a bottle and if she hasn’t done that I likely would have given up. I’m so glad I didn’t, it gets so much easier after 12 weeks and I fed two kids for many years. It’s a beautiful relationship and also much easy than fussing with bottles when out and about. Do you know for certain he has allergies? Just asking as this can get thrown around a lot of a baby is particularly ‘fussy’ but there are many reasons for that like overstimulation, growth spurts etc. it will be worth seeing what changes you see once milk and soy is out of your system but it’s entirely possible there’s no allergies.

Yes they can. But not all breastfed babies have allergies or have health issues. Like formula fed babies can have allergies and health issues. How they feed doesn't determine those factors

It's not up to DH, do what you want to do! Could you try combi feeding?

Whatever you decide it will work out fine and you don’t need to feel guilty.

I’ve come to appreciate more as the kids get bigger that no one always does what’s optimal all the time. We all make choices around sleep training, childcare, car seats, feeding, weaning & all manner of other areas of parenting and people often have strong opinions on all of them. In the end you’ll sometimes pick the thing that isn’t optimal but know it’s still best for your specific circumstances and your family. You and your partner and your other children (if you have them) are all just as important as your new baby and it’s perfectly good and right to consider the needs and wants of all of you when you are deciding what to do.

If you like breastfeeding in part but you also stress about some aspects then you could try out combination feeds and see if that works well for you, you could talk to a specialist and see if them checking and being able to confirm all looks to be going fine is a reassurance for you or you could switch to formula knowing you already gave breastfeeding a good go since you wanted to do that initially & it just wasn't right for you. None of those are better or more worthy choices and honestly whatever you decide it really will be ok and you’ve no reason to feel like you’ve failed somewhere or done something wrong or that you are being a martyr or any of the other things that can be thrown at mothers about their choices. Hope you are able to get yourself the headspace to reach a decision and that it helps with the stress. It’s super hard having a really small baby and most of us have some wobbles the first few months. Don’t beat yourself up!

Babies without allergies or other medical issues are generally easier anyway. This doesn’t help OP whose baby has allergies.