To consider quitting breastfeeding?

[minnieot]

My baby is almost 8 weeks old and exclusively breastfed. He has a mild tongue tie but has still fed okay since birth and has put on weight nicely, he's a very chunky boy.

Breastfeeding has just been anxiety inducing from the very beginning for me, constantly worrying about whether he's getting enough, fast letdown which caused him to fuss a lot and suspected CMPA so I've been off dairy and soya for a week and a half now which has been mentally taxing.

He's still getting a rash with every feed and still seems so unsettled and uncomfortable non stop. The health visitor also advised me to block feed to help with my fast flow which I did but now it feels as if my supply has gone down too much and he's suddenly struggling to stay latched and his tongue is clicking as he's having to work for the milk a lot more. He's still having plenty of wet nappies but seems absolutely miserable and I'm miserable worrying about whether he's getting the amount of milk he needs and whether he's going to end up losing weight, it's just severely impacting my mental health.

OH doesn't understand how difficult breastfeeding is and wants me to continue. I do want to continue because I love bonding with my baby and when it is going well I really enjoy it, but if he isn't feeding properly I don't feel I can continue.

Also, with him clearly having allergies beyond milk and soya, the thought of having to go through an elimination process makes me feel so mentally drained, I'm not sure I can go through with it - but on the flip side, I've heard nothing but bad things about the formula for babies with allergies, and it would be a palava on it's own just getting him to take a bottle, as he refuses the bottle if we ever try to give him expressed milk.

Feeling very stuck and exhausted and unsure where to turn. I just want my baby to be happy and healthy and I feel like I'm failing him no matter what I do.

not your partner’s body

With the potential allergy / intolerance continuing BF might actually be better/easier for you, though,

If breastfeeding is making you anxious and it's impacting your mental health then it's absolutely fine to stop.

My son was on an amino acid formula since he was 8 weeks old until he was 1. The posts here about it having no nutrional value is nonsense. Formula has to be made to strict standards and it's completely healthy for infants. Mine had absolutely no issues taking it, in fact every baby I know that has had to go on a milk free formula has taken to it no bother and has no issues with taste due to the fact they are drinking something that doesn't cause them pain.

My son thrived on the amino acid formula. 2 years on he is an incredibly healthy boy.

This. x 1000.

OP, I can't comment on the allergy dilemma, but I struggled to bf DS1 due to various complications. The guilt broke me and robbed me of those first two months of bonding, and almost pushed me into PND. Please give yourself permission to stop. Once I did, I was able to engage properly with being a Mum.

I went on to bf DS2 for a year (not without a fight at the start, but not excessively so) and while I got a lot out of it, it also reassured me that I did the right thing stopping with DS1.

You can't tell now which one was bf. And no one asks or cares!

With the allergens I just did all the major allergens and the reflux foods all at once - then reintroduced one at a time after a few weeks v slowly etc. quicker than trying to work things out one by one although it is an extreme diet when you are already exhausted. Totally up to you, no judgement if you don't want to carry on BF - this time next year your baby will be eating biscuits off the floor and no one will tell if they are bf or ff.

I would persevere until he is three months. Babies are all over the place in the first eight weeks regardless of allergies. Reflux, colic, sleep patterns. It's a very stressful time. Mothers can feel the problems have been "solved" by changing the milk or changing from breast to formula but this is the point at which the baby gets better at feeding, latching and digesting.

Hold out for a little bit longer if he is putting on weight but check position and latch. More cushions, and an advisor who can see you feed and maybe suggest tweaks
I'm so sorry you are feeling anxious. This is normal though. To feel like a wreck. Your partner actually sounds very supportive.

Clicking I think can be a sign of a fast let down, and might indicate that your supply is fine. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong! But this was one of the symptoms my baby showed and that's what the infant feeding team told me.

If you want to stop bf, then you should and your baby will be fine on formula. But it might not fix things like you hope, you may just worry about other things, your baby may have other issues with formula. 8 weeks is a very hard stage but also a kind of turning point so from that pov i would try to keep going, or combi feed so that you keep your options open, for a few more weeks and see how you get on, because if you can keep bf then it usually gets easier and becomes pretty convenient. Good luck and hope you are ok ❤️

Sorry I'd missed that. It's rare for a baby to be allergic to both cows milk and soy, hence my suggestion of soy formula if baby has a cows milk protein allergy and op is wary of prescription formula. I was raised on soy milk my mum made at home as we couldn't get specialist formula where I grew up and breastmilk triggered rashes for me.

There's so much demonising of non breast milk options these days, but formula is well regulated and totally fine for babies. As I said earlier, I'm a strong breastfeeding advocate (and mentor in my free time) and breastfed two kids past 1 year. I loved breastfeeding, but there is nothing more important than a fed baby and a mentally well mother.

If breastfeeding is causing harm to mum, alternatives should be considered. You don't have to sacrifice your mental health for some ideal of what motherhood should be - and a mother's mental health is vital in raising a happy baby. So if you can't breastfeed, or it is causing you anguish, it's really not worth it

@orion678 this may be the case for mild allergies but my child was anaphylactic to dairy and had to have prescribed formula if we had taken that option and it was made of rapeseed and fish oils. Perhaps the standard lactose free formula is as you state. Putting this aside it is a very poor substitute for breast milk and babies often struggle to tolerate it because of the awful taste/smell. Obviously if this scenario breast milk is far superior

OP if you have a fast let down (I did) it might help to pop baby off immediately after let down, catch the excess in a cloth or haakaa, and pop them on once the flow slows down. They get more of the fatty milk at less speedy a flow, and that can help with digestion (though will not address allergy issues)

Nothing wrong with giving a bottle once a day and continuing bf. Doesn't have to be all or nothing

Prescribed formulas are either extensively hydrolysed milk formulas or amino acid formulas. At least in the uk. And again- extensively regulated and nutritionally complete. OP should not feel bad for feeding her baby using these formulas https://kidswithfoodallergies.org/recipes-diet/nutrition-and-health/formula-options-for-kids-with-food-allergies/#:~:text=Extensively%20hydrolyzed%20formulas%20offer%20complete,common%20cause%20for%20allergy%20symptoms.

a week and a half isn’t enough to clear your supply.
another consideration is all skin products and toiletries you are using for baby and anyone who handles him. milk can be in either.
The nutritional value is as good as any milk otherwise they wouldn’t be allowed to prescribe it.
but I agree the smell is bad. The earlier they start the quicker they adjust to be fair. My DD was 11 months and we only got to 50/50 mix with breast milk! We were advised to try adding a drop of vanilla essence when first prescribed and that works with younger babies.

Could you try moving towards exclusively pumping? It obviously won't help with the allergy issues but eliminates the fast let down and latching issues and may alleviate some anxiety by letting you see how much milk he's actually getting. Plus with pumping if you're fully emptying each time he's more likely to be getting more of the fatty hind milk which may help with some of the fussing during feeds 🤞

A lot of really sound advice here.

The thing that struck me about your post is:
“I do want to continue because I love bonding with my baby”

Breastfeeding is not the only way to bond with your baby, especially if it causes anxiety half the time. Bottle feeding still involves cuddling and nurturing your baby and looking at each other and cooing at each other and all those delicious things. I never felt less bonded to my babies by bottle feeding them, in fact I found the bond easier because I didn’t feel the resentment I felt with my first attempt at BF, then the crushing guilt of resenting my newborn that inevitably followed the resentment. It might sound daft but psychologically I felt that every bottle feed was because I was CHOOSING to feed them, not because I HAD to feed them the way I felt with BF.

It's really not rare. My daughter is allergic to both.

I’d only use soya for a boy on prescription and on a consultants advice due to containing isoflavones, which are plant-derived compounds that act as phytoestrogens, meaning they have estrogenic properties

@orion678 it’s not about making anyone feel guilty it’s about knowing the facts, breast milk is far superior to prescription milks. Whilst in the UK they don’t seem to contain fish oil looking at Neocate which is I believe the standard one prescribed in the UK it does contain seed oils and glucose syrup, would you want to have a diet consisting of these ingredients which are really bad for your health? Just continuing to claim it’s nutritionally complete and a good substitute suggests that it is a close second choice rather than a vastly inferior one which then impacts choices

Cows milk allergy affects 2-3% of young children and soy allergy around 0.4%. I imagine the overlap is even smaller, but I'm sorry your kiddo has had to deal with both. Allergies really suck.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3070118/#:~:text=CMA%20affects%202%E2%80%933%25%20and,%2DIgE%2Dmediated%20clinical%20syndromes.

I know a few who are allergic to both. Thank you. It sucks

I would say that exclusive pumping is very hard work. I was pumping 7 times a day and it felt incredibly relentless. However, you can stop feeding, pump to keep your milk up and start feeding again later if you choose. I hadn't really appreciated that but I was able to feed again at about 9 months and I then breastfed until 23 months. From quite early I added a bottle of formula each day to take the pressure off, there are lots of variations of feeding, you can mix and match!

OH doesn't understand how difficult breastfeeding is and wants me to continue.

He knows nothing. Quit.

If it weren’t for the allergies I’d say give up immediately, but with the allergies you are then potentially facing problems with baby rejecting prescription formula. By eight weeks they’re old enough to know it tastes disgusting unfortunately.

Both my two had allergies. Eldest we didn’t realise, I gave up BF at 8 weeks, had a year of reflux hell and having to resort to adult doses of medication to get her to keep food down. Youngest we realised at 4/5 weeks so I gave up dairy and soya for a year in order to BF. I’m not going to lie, it was pretty tough, but it was still easier than the nightmare we had with our first.

Get the tongue tie snipped. We paid £100 a private nurse to come out and snip one on our youngest that three separate NHS professionals insisted wasn’t there. It did make a massive difference in how easy BF was. I never fully recovered my supply on one side afterwards, but I’d never have lasted without it.

If he’ll take a bottle and you can pump that could really help. I rented a heavy duty pump with my second, having completely failed to pump with my first. It made a huge difference, but unfortunately my little madam refused to take a bottle.

I got a lot of support from a FB group called Breastfeeding Yummy Mummies. I have no idea if they’re still going, but I’m sure there are other groups you can join. The NHS support was pretty useless in my experience, but other breastfeeding mums got me through it.

You absolutely would not be unreasonable to stop BF at all. Just, from my own experience, I know there is a chance it could make things even harder for you.

Hang in there. Babies are tough, but one day you’ll be looking back, and maybe trying to offer support to another new mum on the internet. My two are now teenagers and are currently creating a huge mess in my kitchen inventing a weird desert recipe.

But that narrative does make mothers feel guilty. I know. I was one. Riddled with post-partum depression I measured my entire ability as a mother on my ability to naturally feed my child. Despite reflux. Despite gastric issues in baby. Despite my own mental health struggles. Babies raised on formula time and time again grow into healthy children and healthy adults. Despite my overwhelmingly positive experience with breastfeeding I wish I had felt it was OK with my first to take a break. To not feel like I was failing when she went on a nursing strike for weeks on end. A fed healthy baby and a healthy happy mum is the optimal combination, no matter how that comes about. I realised that with my second, and that's all I'm trying to say.

Of course if OP wants to continue to breastfeed that is wonderful and she should be supported every step of the way. But she should not be pressured. She should not be quilted out of perfectly fine alternatives, and she should not have to sacrifice her mental health and enjoyment of the newborn phase that is so rapidly fleeting, because "formula is bad"

Both of mine got a rash from feeding after I ate wheat. (And my fear was this is something difficult to eliminate once you rely on formula - you can't control what the cows are eating)

Also, its completely normal for your supply to drop off around 6 weeks. You're still making enough for your baby.

@orion678 i absolutely don’t believe that formula is bad and completely understand half killing myself to breastfeed and the surrounding guilt that comes with it all but equally I know how dangerous it can be to think that prescription milk is comparable to regular formula. Of how many babies reject it or don’t thrive because they can’t keep it down etc. I am not trying to make you or the OP fell guilty in any way and apologise if that’s how it came across but just wanted her not be in a situation where she has a baby refusing the prescription formula and she no longer has her supply which sounds like a great one