To understand why some women have children within a a short time with multiple different partners?

[Beautifulweeds]

Genuine question, arose in conservation today. An in law has 3 DC from 3 different Dads and is only 25 and is a single Mum to them. Their Dads are going about their normal lives, including sleeping with other women (probably more pregnancies) and don't have much to with their children. She's not the most invested Mum (meaning not at all) has to live off UC, leaves her kids with grandparents, who in reality look after them.

She has met another new fella, doesn't take precautions (oh I keep forgetting to take the pill) and it won't be long before she has another baby.

So, I guess my question was...hopefully you would learn from experience that you can and should take responsibility? Guidance doesn't always work, so same old patten repeated...meet someone, get pregnant, let someone else look after baby...taken away...fostering...adoption.

We've tried to help and intervene but a brick wall. X

It's not her kids choice though, is it.

There is an element of pressure from the men in this too. In certain circles there is some ego boost and street cred in fathering multiple children, especially by different women. He is 'the man', he has physical proof of his fertility and desirability. Such men would not wear a condom or pay much towards their offspring.

There is also a type of man who will date a single mother, but expect her to have his child, to ensure she 'loves' him as much as she did her previous partner. When this relationship fails the woman now has 2 children with different fathers and is even more vulnerable to the 'have my baby if you love me' man, with the predictable result of several children by several fathers during her lifetime.

Yes, the woman 'should' see that this is unwise, but lonely people with hard lives will do a lot of unwise things for the promise of a bit of love.

Lack of intelligence, lack of self respect, several reasons.

That must have been so hard. I hope your life is peaceful now.

Quality over quantity!

Women are taught their value lies in attracting a man and being partnered up.

They are taught they are value-less without that.

I remember seeing Colleen Nolan on Loose Women saying about someone (can't remember who) "not being able to keep a man" as an insult. This was a few years ago.

In the 2020s.

When you are single, especially in more rural places or parochial places; you are on the outside of society to some extent. You have no place, because everything is built around couples and nuclear families. Society is still like that.

Offer financial rewards for voluntary sterilisation to men and women.

So still her body her choice! : )

There was a BBC radio series about adoption and a point made by a social worker is that women get a lot of positive attention during pregnancy- they had seen women have multiple pregnancies and had the children removed due to neglect, in some cases at birth due to previous problems, but the social worker fully expected to see them back pregnant again - partly due to them enjoying being pregnant due to the positive attention they got whilst pregnant.

Yes, there seem to be people on here who think having a baby is always a good idea no matter how unfavourable the circumstances of the would be mother.

My mum always used to say many people see a baby as a doll, a pet or a status symbol.

They forget that a baby is only a baby for a blink. Then they're an adult, a human being of their own.

You again!

You sure do take a piece of information and present it to match your world view without context.

You sound like you describe yourself not me, I am quite content with myself and my views! I don't need your approval for either.

I would honestly say - you do not need to understand it OP.

The feigned act of 'wanting to understand' is merely so you can act superior to this woman, but in the great scheme of things, that isnt what matters - what does matter are the children & their wellbeing

You have no idea what her thought process are, if she has any and you say you have tried to intervene, this really is not your job

Instead of trying to act superior, try to actually help.

If you aren't going to help, then back off

Having children using this pattern was very common where I grew up. (I was petrified of this happening to me).

The reasons behind it:
It felt expected, no aspirations so only route of meaning/worth was having a baby (not motherhood just baby).

It was an exciting event in a mundane life.

Got you a house and a social circle.

And sadly for the ones who got into drugs and had children removed pregnancy was the only time they could keep their children.

When I became a mother I was quite surprised how nice it was. I'd only ever seen the drudge and limitations.

This is a really sad and interesting subject.

I think there are a mix of reasons and any and all of them (or none at all), could apply to anyone.

The first would be a chaotic lifestyle and not having, for whatever reason, the ability to be organised and consistent with contraception.

Another reason might be more deliberate, perhaps if somebody feels that a relationship has more of a chance of lasting of the commitment is a child involved?

An interesting thing I listened to about Kelli Lane, the woman who hid several pregnancies in her younger years, but ended up killing one of her babies. The narrator was explaining how a psychologist was basically saying that it's possible for trauma, like an abortion of loss of the position of primary care giver of a child, can result in a sort of compulsive repetition of the behaviour that led to the trauma, in the hopes of putting it right this time. So he testified that while this woman was in control of her actions, this can be a really powerful impulse.

I can really imagine that scenario and empathise with a woman who wants a happy family but is not in a position or lifestyle to facilitate that or make choices which actually lead to that. That's obviously an extreme example, but I can see how it might sadly play out it real life.

Cos they have sex and don't bother with contraception obviously.
Why does anyone need to keep having children anyway. There's enough people in the world already.

Is she supporting them all financially if not it is other people's business.
Taxes are paying for her. Why should taxpayer pay for her choices??
Irresponsible.

The women are vulnerable, don't see a way out, abused and have no financial security.
There's a handful of women like this in my estate. All of the men involved are utter scum, as are some of their families on both sides.
Unless you can remove the women and children and put them in a stable home and keep the men away then I don't know what the answer is.

Don't all parents receive child benefit? Everyone is kind of paying toward that, even where Quentin and Penelope have produced 5 children and are able to afford to care for them. I don't want to pay for that, even if there is a reduction beyond £60k net income.

I'm happy to be corrected in case I've got that wrong.

I have extended family from a very impoverished area. This is common. What always always stood out to me then and now is the men. From teenagers to adults, I always saw men dragging the women down to the gutter. And the pool was absolutely swamped by so many like this, you couldn't just find a nice one. You'd be so surrounded by it so many would have incredibly low expectations or understanding of what you could or should seek in a good man.

I don't know why this was/is the case.

Yes very selfish

Don't all parents receive child benefit?

Well, no, parents where one household earner earns above the threshold aren't receiving any child benefit. And the rationale behind CB is that children aren't responsible for the circumstances they're born into and shouldn't starve, no matter the behaviour of their parents.

Also don't bring teen moms into this, I had my first at 15 and all my children have the same father. I lived in a home for teen moms too and met some others who were also really sensible and are still with the same man today.

This discussion is about the women who have multiple baby daddies and keep having children with men they've met a few months ago. I know some mothers in their 30s doing this. It's a low IQ thing. Of course a lot of them do start young and keep it going for three decades though

@DreadPirateRobots thankyou. That's interesting to know. My point was that I wouldn't feel comfortable paying towards CB for those well to do families who can access it yet in no way need it.

I am in support of not penalising children born into poverty.

And they are "rewarded" with housing and money for these choices.

I know a young woman who has three children with different dads and she is only 20. She had a really difficult and fractured upbringing. She meets a man, she falls in love e, she believes he’s her forever partner, falls pregnant, relationship fails. It is really sad but I have sympathy for her as she’s got a warped sense of a loving relationship due to her past. I think we need to have compassion.