…to ask 5 1/2 yr old to stay in bed/room until 6:15am? When do your kids get up?

[Newbie887]

Weve been trying to get youngest son who is 5 1/2 to stay in his room (either in his bed or playing quietly with toys) until the sun on his gro clock comes up at 6:15am. He is generally awake at 5:30am.

It’s been about a year now of trying and we are just not getting anywhere. Everyone is tired. Personally I think we should give up trying and accept one of us gets up at 5:30am with him, but partner thinks we should keep at it. Ideally he would like him in his room until 7am but we have compromised on 6:15. He regularly resorts to shouting at him each morning when he won’t keep quiet, which leads to crying / tantrums / generally shitty start to each day, and he rarely does go back to bed anyway.

what time do most children wake up? If they wake early will they play in their room / take themselves downstairs to play or do they wake the whole house as my son does?! We have some very well behaved cousins in the family who will either sleep or entertain themselves until gone 8am each morning, but not sure if this is normal

This is exactly it. I’m just so exhausted from 9 years of babies and then very early starts that I need him to be able to see my needs now, but don’t know how.

He can be caring on his own terms (like he will share with me unasked for example) but has problems when someone asks him to do things that are empathetic like share or say sorry. Like he will completely shut down, eyes will fill with tears, he hides. He says it makes him feel horribly and tingly all over. So empathy and showing emotion is uncomfortable for him.

a side note- but I don’t think your son has a problem with empathy or emotion. It sounds like he over-empathizes.

Not wanting to share and not being able to understand that parents need rest is absolutely age appropriate. Kids that are staying in bed or obeying the gro clock aren’t doing it “for” their parents - although their parents benefit. They do it because there’s a reward/ because they are concerned about sanctions/ because they are more biddable/ because they actually want to.

no 5 year old is sat waiting for the gro clock to change thinking “if I stay in bed, mummy will get some much needed rest”.

And I say that as the parent of an 8 year old who gets up between 5am and 6.30am pretty much every day, and has for 8 years. Only now is he able to understand that I need rest, and to let me sleep.

I'd be getting up with him - playing, eating breakfast and enjoying the time. As others have said he definitely shouldn't be punished for waking up early as some children do at that age - mine did. They grew out of it around 7, it really won't last forever!

apols - should have said over emphasizes when asked to say sorry.

Would he snooze in your bed for a while? My 7 and 4 year old both get up at an ungodly hour and they just get in for cuddles. We all go back to sleep. Poor kid being yelled at he can’t help waking early! Also is probably pretty lonely/scared I imagine. 45 mins feels like an eternity for a child!

I think they’re all different and what works with one won’t work on another. My 5.5yo wouldn’t go downstairs on her own even though she’d be allowed to and can make her own breakfast; so she’ll wake us if she is hungry. If not, she’ll stay in bed til 6 or 7. On schooldays she needs waking, on weekends she gets up early

Generally now she stays in bed or gets up and plays in her room and only comes to get us if she hears us up with the toddler. If he sleeps in, she stays in her room.The game-changers for her occupying herself in her room were a Yoto so she can listen to stories, and learning to read and write. She also has colouring stuff and Lego kits in her room so happily plays for a while.

I think they are all different, as PP has said. I can literally explain things to my DS (4) until I’m blue in the face and he just ignores me and carries on.

Consequences make no difference; just massively exacerbate the situation. I can well imagine him being the same, so I sympathise @Newbie887 .

Would love it if this would work, but when he comes into our bed at that kind of time he doesn’t seem tired anymore. He kicks and wriggles about, asks constantly for juice and breakfast 😂. I may as well just get up with him

No getting before the gro clock here. It has worked since about 3.5. We did start with an earlier time and build it up though, so initially the gro clock came on before they naturally woke, then 5min later each couple of days.

Thank you, I think I wrote this post in part wanting advice but also in part knowing that’s just who he is and wanting sympathy for it as it’s bloody knackering isn’t it!!

my plan is:

1. set gro clock to come on earlier so the wait is more attainable, then move time back gradually
2. make room fun with den, mornjng snack and duplo laid out
3. if after a month he is still refusing to do any of that and is just shouting “mummy mummy mummy” etc etc over and over again every time I put him back to bed then accept that I’m getting up with him
4. meet with the school, understand what his needs may be better and how this may alter our expectations at home
5. Make myself a star chart for ploughing through until he is 12 or whenever and can cope with being awake without me there 😂😵‍💫. Partner is no use in helping as he thinks it is me being weak somehow in parenting him that has led to this 🙄

Then you have a partner problem, not a DS problem. We’ve solved our primary-aged DC sleep but have a toddler too so back in the thick of it, and we absolutely take turns: if DS2 sleeps through, we both get up at six. If he has a bad night, the one who was on shift gets to go back to bed til 7 (whoever’s on the monitor gets up when DS gets up, which when the clocks changed was 4.30 😭). At weekends we each get a lie-in till 8am, alternating. We swap the monitor each night so we get regular Friday nights (and of the week) off the toddler and regular Sunday nights (start of the week) off the toddler. We’re knackered, because toddler, but equally so, and both getting enough rest, respite, and no bickering over his sleep. It is what it is!

If your partner thinks it’s the parenting that’s the problem, he can do all the early morning parenting to solve it. Give it a month and if DS is still up at balls o’clock hopefully your partner will concede it’s a child thing not a parenting thing. In the meantime, coffee, solidarity, fresh air, hot showers, mild swearing at inanimate objects.

Our ds has consistently come in at 615 on a school day and 715 on a weekend since he was 5. But it's different kids you can't compare , you plan sounds great. Good luck.

Also the big child needs to work on managing his emotions, he clear expects more of his 5 year old than he is capable of. Shouting at a child is not going to help them settle and he's putting you in the shitty position of being default parent. It's far more likely his loss of temper is impacting on the child negatively than your kindness and empathy .

We set an alarm on Alexa for 7am
at the weekend for my 5 year old. He normally rises at 6am. He’s great about it tbh.

I think at that age its okay to expect him to understand about staying in his room until the sun on the clock comes up. Getting him to do it though is another thing.

Have you explored possible reasons for waking early? Some kids are just early risers, bur for some there are underlying reasons. Is he waking hungry? Thirsty? Scared of the dark? Is light coming through and waking him up? Does something click in at that time and wake him, boiler etc. If none of those then i'd accept it.

Perhaps look at ways of keeping him in his room. Perhaps prepare an invitation to play for when he wakes. Or put out a drink and snack ready for when he wakes. Something to keep him in his room. Or if its the feeling of being trapped, even something on your landing/hallway. But with rules to not disturb you until the sun on the clock is out.

Also as others have said. The shouting is not on! Even when i'm woken at 6am (early for us!) i always always start our day with a cuddle and a cheery good morning DC. As hard as it is and internally i'm crying. Positive starts make them feel loved and secure. Imagine waking up excited to see mummy and daddy and for them to just shout at you! You'd hate it if you were excited to see someone and their response was to shout at you for being early. Sort the partner out ASAP. Totally unacceptable.

I could have written this . Getting up at stupid o’clock was never an option .
Granddaughter has always come into my bed if awake early,looks at books or iPad after 7am .

Our kids are 2+4.
The Groclocks are set for 7.30am.

Most mornings they wake just after 7, occasionally it can be much earlier.

For the most part they are able to stay in their rooms until the sun comes up, but obviously there are always exceptions.

All three of mine were early risers - 5am or 5:30 and still are as pre teens. From 4 yo we set an alarm on their Alexa's (started at 6.15 and moved back by 15 mins per week until 7am) and kept sending them back to their rooms if they came in until their alarm went off- they got it pretty quickly and now still don't come in until 7 or downstairs until 7 and they are age 6-12.

Do you have blackout blinds in his room?

Maybe tell him he can read or play quietly after he wakes up but he doesn't come through till gro clock goes.

I think you just had to accept it , our eldest is like this now he's almost 6 he's just started quietly staying in his room til his glow clock turns yellow but prior to that he just couldn't because he was nervous and lonely and wanted to be with us.

It won't last forever and it's not cool to be nasty to your kid due to them opening their eyes earlier than you would like! They can't help when they wake up.

I appreciate it's very hard and tiring though. Go to bed a bit earlier?!

I don’t think you need to be nasty. But if they woke at 2am - you’d say ‘it’s the middle of the night - go back the bed’ reasonably firmly. It’s the same thing at 5am.

The impact of too little sleep is huge - for both parents and kids. It’s in everyone’s interest if they go back to sleep for a bit.

Me and my brother were the same when younger waking up at 6/6:30am. My parents told us to either stay in bedroom/come to theirs quietly/ head downstairs to watch early morning cartoons.
Thats what we did.
If I did go to my parents room we woukdbt wake them up but just get into bed and sleeps or hang out near them. As we got okder we would just go downstairs to watch cartoons.

He's old enough to be able to stay in bed /read /colour /play nicely
And quietly in his room till 7am

Dd 7 has always loved her sleep. Sorry

Sleep Generally 12hrs 7/7

Have gro clock. I've always been strict with it and she knows to play quietly /read in bed till yellow /7

But usually wakes 730 ish - apart from first day of school holidays and 645 😂😂

Did you get sorted for this?

My DS has a grow clock- we have to set the clock much much later than he actually wakes at 7. If he wakes up earlier he knows by the disappearing symbols it nearly time to get up and starts calling us. Hence why we set it for much later. Tbh the clock never goes yellow but it still works to keep him in bed for a bit. It can be bright here from 6am and I was dreading it but so far he's not calling earlier even with the brighter mornings do here's hoping.

Why can't he go downstairs and make himself some cereal for breakfast if he is awake at that time. He can play with somes, or put the TV on, and he's old enough to know he needs to be quiet and not wake everyone up

We switched out his gro clock for a hatch because like your son he was just counting down the stars and if it was anywhere near mornjng time he would start hollering. With the hatch it just comes on at a certain time, no way of knowing if that’s going to be in 2 minutes or 2 hours.

its been 6 months since I wrote the original post and the situation is somewhat better…my son just seems to be sleeping later for some reason, until about 6:30am each day. I have no idea why that is. Once he is awake he will come straight into my room and wake us up, but that’s ok (just about) at 6:30am.

he still won’t play quietly in his room, get his own breakfast, go to the living room etc etc. I’m not sure why. He gets v upset about it. He says he is scared on his own. Also worth mentioning he is being assessed at school for sen. Autism / adhd / PDA / dyspraxia all on the cards although we haven’t got to the bottom of it yet. So expectations on him now compared to a NT child are lower. I think that’s helped me accept the situation.