Family Visit - Normal to be Ignored.

[HildegardeofBingen]

Visiting younger relative with two small children. Relative is, rightly, very focused on the children.

What I find jarring is that when I come down in the morning

• relative doesn't say good morning or ask how I slept

-relative doesn't encourage children to say hello They just carry on chatting to the kids, who are wandering about. Their parent is not cross with me. It is just what they do/fail to do/the sort of behaviour they model.

I had a 4 hour car journey to get here, arrived with gifts, played with and looked after children yesterday and slept badly. I have to get through the next 24 hours. I shall now go back down and find stuff to make breakfast with.

We are not great morning people in our house, in fact we barely speak or acknowledge each other. We're all happy with that. There's no great conversation here,even asking Do want a drink, do you want some breakfast is deemed as too many questions (adult household btw). I've never had anyone stay at my house really but I would definitely try to make the effort, I would at least acknowledge you and pick up my kids to do it too. But that could be it, I wouldnt ask how you slept etc....that's just not very "us". If you were related like grandma, MIL etc I would just hope that you "get on" with the morning just like the rest of us

Is this a one off, or have there been other episodes of rudeness?

It's difficult to know if this is a one off, or she's been completely rude the whole time.

I think it happens on most visits at some points. But it is always said that they enjoy our visits and are glad that we want to spend time with the children. (It can seem like a mixed message.) I think there may be some marriage-reated stress and frustration she carries that is beyond the demands of looking after two children and which isn't really to do with our visit. I witness it and try to do/not do things to make it better, not worse.

Is it step dd and her family? Who is the 'us' visiting? Or your dbro, and you're the frequent poster with the weird enmeshment with him and a dislike for his wife who will never be good enough?
Are you being invited or inviting yourselves?
It doesn't sound like you enjoy going from your last post, or if you do enjoy, it's only because you are hoisting your judgy pants exceptionally high, because all the blame is on her, where's the husband in all of this ?

1. How old are the children? This really makes a difference to basic expectations.

1. How many of you are visiting? Some people find visitors in their own home really difficult, and more than one person can be even more stressful.

Ah step mum? All about how much they appreciate your visits... Hmmm.