Being 'held hostage' by "trans" teenage kids

[TryingToGetOrganised2]

In my day, we were goths and emos.

Nowadays, it's gender expression. Don't get me wrong, I am 100% behind the kids that truly feel they were born in the wrong body, but oh for goodness sake, it's not half the flipping population?!

There are a lot of kids who really have gender dysphoria, who I really feel for and support. However, I'm so fed up of being told I'm a transphobe, because I dare question and gently encourage soemone to unpick where their feelings come from. (Read: my own 17 year old son, who is autistic and doesn't know where he fits in the world)

The main military operation is my 16 year old daughter, who is, on the whole, a wonderful human whom I adore. She's just so far down this road of 'you can be anything you want, sod biology' that anyone who asks a question, is shot down and cut off, for having a (possibly) more rounded, adult perspective. She can't see further than her own underdeveloped frontal lobe, and it's driving me insane.

Of course, I'm presenting, gentle, measured, acceptance mum (which, of course - I truly am, if that's who you truly are!) But I feel like she's pushing my son into a lifestyle because he's questioned who he is. Am I being unreasonable to feel frustrated? Or should I suck it up and encourage my boy to be a girl, even though I don't really think it's what he actually wants?

Please be gentle. I've got 3 kids with autism and adhd, amd, having both myself, it's the blind leading the blind. I'm exhausted and just need a bit of support in either direction.

OP is concerned about the pressure her DD is placing on the DS - she's not trying to change her DD

But I feel like she's pushing my son into a lifestyle because he's questioned who he is. Am I being unreasonable to feel frustrated? Or should I suck it up and encourage my boy to be a girl, even though I don't really think it's what he actually wants?

She needs to stop pushing him and let him decide for himself (Not that I think you can change sex but adults can decide to live how they like).

How old are they OP? *Edit.. I can see their ages. Apologies OP.

I do agree with this, it seems to be that a lot of those who are staunch trans propronents are the ones who believe in stereotypical male and female roles compared to those whose thought process is along the lines of 'you are what you are born as but you can do and think whatever you want stereotypes be damned'

I do wonder if the autism link is because many people with autism seem to view things in a black or white way - so I can see that translating to 'flower arranging is a female hobby, I like flower arranging therefore I must be female'

Apologies OP I can see their ages!

Id tell your daughter to butt out and that if she thinks its somehow kind or caring to encourage her brother on some potentially life altering course to become a medical patient for life, rather than just accept the reality of how he actually is.

Remind them that you are not expecting any of them to adhere to gender norms. You just want a bit of reality based thinking in the house, or at the very least agreeing to disagree.

Being a girl doesn't mean dressing pretty, playing with dolls. It's worrying that she feels girls shouldn't be doing certain things.

You are being unreasonable to think there are a lot of genuine trans kids. There aren’t. It has always been an infinitesimally rare medical condition and it cannot be cured by having experimental treatments that cause lifelong harm. The rest are vulnerable kids who are caught up in a trend promoted by influencers and pharmaceutical companies because there is a lot of money in it. Until adults start being adults again and stop encouraging harm, this trend will be left to run its course and a lot of kids will be left with irreversible damage. Hilary Cass gave sound advice and any school or charity or public body not heeding that is open to litigation for gross negligence and actual bodily harm.

Here we go again 🙄

@mumsnet Here's another example of the transphobia that apparently doesn't exist on your website.

Another screenshot added to the collection.

Still doubling down ? OP is concerned that her daughter is unduly influencing her son. In your first post you said ‘Your daughter is more than capable of making up her own mind. You don’t want her to express her views to you, but you have zero issue with expressing your views to her’.

No mention of her son. You completely missed the issue in your rush to label OP as transphobic. No amount of backtracking will make any difference to that.

Can you point out specific transphobic posts for us?

Here we go again 🙄 More accusations of so called 'transphobia' with little to no explanation. Post the screenshots here.

Kids who take over the role of parent are always a worry, whatever the sub culture. It can be authoritarian or controlling behaviour; and its not appropriate for anyone, even siblings, to teach children to see their parents as their enemy.

askdoctorg.com/older-child-parenting-younger-child/

Doubtful. If you point out that genuinely trans people are as rare as rocking horse shit, the signs of which are there from early childhood, or that gender is a social construct and sex is immutable, you must be transphobic. Truth is out of fashion.

Another screenshot added to the collection.

We all need our hobbies.

@LadyGrinningSoul8517 why not post the screen shots here, help us understand what is transphobic? I'm assuming you want to tackle the issue and not just sulk about it?

So would you like to point out the transphobic comments for us all ? I think the ‘here we go again’ should apply to posters labelling free speech, truth and biological fact as ‘transphobic’ and, as always, attempting to shut it down. Instead of shouting ‘transphobic’ and running away, why not engage and explain what exactly you find troubling about this debate ?

I listened to this bloke the other day. Genspect conference in Lisbon is releasing their videos. He seems Amazing and definitely what you are looking for.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=OaPhXH9XpJg&pp=ygURR2Vuc3BlY3QgY2hhcmx0b24%3D

Saddo. There is only one reason adults would want to keep kids prepubescent. Literally only one.

In between the constant wanking

Social media has a lot to answer for.

Normalisation of this bullshit is not normal, is not healthy and is not going to offer long term stable mental health to a large swathe of the gen z population.

Its a mental health time bomb.

Kids should be vigorously challenged on this as they should be challenged on many things. Just allowing this to happen isn't healthy.

We're heading towards a very dangerous place where groupthink trumps rational debate and discussion.

I you wanted to be a bit more subtle about it, could you slightly change your mode of dress to be a bit more masculine for a bit?

I ask because when my pink-loving boy changed schools and came home telling me that pink was for girls and blue was for boys I didn't have to do anything but point at what I was wearing and give him a meaningful look for him to roll his eyes, gesture in that 'mothers are intolerable' way and disappear off and never mention it again..

She'll be telling herself and her brother stories about how you just don't understand, how you believe that girls have to be one way and boys have to be another and that you hate anyone different, how you just don't understand and never will - it's all to separate you (his guardian and parent) from him so she throws him off balance and she gains more control.

I know that this sounds mad, she's probably not doing it consciously, it's a learned manipulative behaviour that you see in all sorts of situations. But it works - isolating him, becoming his source of information, making him feel victimised, provoking you to say things she can use against you to prove that you hate gender non-conforming people so he shouldn't talk to you about it.

Do everything you can to keep the lines of communication up between you and your children. Keep calm.

This is not a guy to be quoting

Well, this is why some forms of ND, Autistm and so on are classed as mental disability because the people cannot see the real world through clear mental lense. Let them to it. Teens won't listen anyway. If you can keep them safe and in education, that is what is best for them until they find their adult balance

You've just invented an imaginary narrative that suits your agenda. Nowhere does OP say she is trying to influence her son.

I start every sentence with my teenage ND child with “I agree completely” or “good point” or ”I see where you are coming from” and then I posit other ideas in a fairly curious ways with her like “I wonder if” or “what do you think about” and then on we go again around the carousel. Sometimes after a few spins she sees my point of view other times she doesn’t.

Doing that has changed our communication completely. I think being precisely understood (and rigid right thinking) is very important to ND children, feeling very seen and validated is very important, maybe more important than most NT children. Changing your communication style if it ends up coming across to her as combative or argumentative to curious might help.