Friend interrupting when I am talking

[duckduckgooseduckagain]

I meet up with a close friend every few months. We get on well but I am getting increasingly annoyed with her interrupting me when I am speaking. I will be halfway through saying something and she will suddenly notice something and say (for example) "oh look at that dog, it's so cute" Last time I was saying something serious about my mum dying and she just switched subject, pointing at a poster on a wall that showed a band we both like and saying their name in an excited voice. AIBU for letting this really annoy me? What would you do?

Funnily enough Paul Whitehouse and his wife, Mina Conkbayi, have a new podcast about ADHD and they talk about the interrupting thing a lot. I find it hard to listen to because of her constant talking over other people, it's suffocating.

My Dh is ADHD and interrupts all the time which is why I struggle with Mina on the podcast. It's been so much easier since we talked about it, he tries to stop himself, I try to be understanding when he forgets, sometimes I snap 'let me speak!', often we laugh about it. Do you think your friend might be ND?

My sister does this (also ADHD) and she also monologues for too long. I find it very annoying and just avoid telling her much. I also think ADHD is an excuse used too often. I get it may make you wan to talk over people , but I don't see why that can't be controlled. eg. Sandra is talking, I am going shut up until she's stopped.

I suspect my oh (literally most fabulous man on earth otherwise)
Does this. It drives me to insanity. We used to fight over it. Now I go completely silent & do t speak at all until he realises.
It's difficult but I strongly strongly suspect he is adhd (caffeine makes him tired) hugely successful but a fidget & gets blinded by doing something he loves & can work it at for 30 hours straight.

I know he doesn't mean it but it's an awful feeling especially when it's a serious conversation

Say "Let me finish", then finish your sentence or what you're saying without acknowledging the new subject.

I have to admit that I do this. Not to point out random things like your friend, but when I want to share something relevant, or to empathise. I really struggle to find an appropriate time to do this (and yes I know it should be when the person has finished speaking). I’ve tried really hard to do this since becoming aware of it but find that the conversation often moves quickly on to something different if I wait right till the end so I don’t get the chance to say what I want to at all.

My mum is the same.

In my head I’m having a separate conversation with myself at the same time about what I want to say, whether I should say it and when I want to say it. I struggle with social anxiety though. I will not only plan what I want to say but I will replay conversations afterwards too.

I have some friends that have a tendency to do this. It drives me mad, I find it so rude. It just means I never really talk to them about anything serious/important to me, I rely on other friends for that. They have other lovely qualities that makes a friendship worth it, but there does feel a certain shallowness to the friendship sometimes. I couldn’t have these types of people as really close friends. I think it’s one thing if someone does it and says ‘sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, you were saying about your mum…’ or whatever it is, but sometimes they just interrupt and then never go back to what you were in the middle of talking about- so basically were barely listening to you in the first place.

I do this and only the last couple of years have been referred for ADHD assessment .
I'm sure I wouldn't interrupt a serious conversation however when I do it's spontaneous and I'm trying to not blurt stuff out or bang on too much.
Just being aware I do try.
It's not deliberate though.

Exactly how i am,I embarrass myself but can't stop it. I know I specifically do it to someone who takes ages to tell a story

I'm a person who people seem to like interrupting, and I don't even talk loads, so it's not like I'm off on some monologue and they can't get their say in.

I was seeing a bloke who did it and he totally denied it so he got binned. My mum does it often. She can talk forever about nothing though. Sadly not someone you can mention it to because she'll take huge offence and sulk. I used to stop what I was saying and let her have her say but now I just keep on talking, a little bit louder than before, until I've finished my point. Just recently I've noticed one of my young adult DDs doing it, but I pulled her up straightaway.

I have a friend who does this. To the point where she is asking me questions about the thing I'm talking about as I'm still explaining it.

Recently I pulled her up about it and she was very careful to modify herself. But it's creeping back in. I have avoided her lately as I'm going through a stressful time and conversing with her puts me on edge.

Ironically I've seen her tell others off for interrupting!

I have a good friend who does this. It drives me mad and occasionally I’ll snap at her ‘I was talking!’ or similar.* But she’s a good friend - her other qualities outweigh it, and I think it’s a sign of how relaxed she feels in my company that she forgets that it’s rude to do this.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to feel annoyed, and if your friendship is strong she’ll acknowledge this and not be offended if you tell her. Good friends are so important.

*Yes, not the most mature or considered response. But I’m also human and flawed.

Dh talks over people constantly.
And if he can’t remember the exact details of a tale he’s telling he makes them up.
Drives me mad.

Dh does this when we are disagreeing. I now just keep talking as tho he didn't speak.

My lovely friend who has adhd also does it but I forgive her as she can't help it

Sometimes social anxiety and wanting to demonstrate empathy means interrupting to agree- irritating but coming from a good place
This sounds like ADHD also coming from a good place and unintentional but hard to live with on a sensitive topic like serious illness. Don’t assume it’s coming from any malice though.

We had an employee who used to do that to me (only me) it drove me nuts I actually found myself saying less and less at work because she would do it every time I tried to speak to someone else in the office because I could never get a word in. So damm rude

I do it, also ADHD. Fwiw it's not not listening it's being anxious about hyper listening. Internally you're thinking "I am going to show this person I'm listening so hard that I MUST find things to say that are relevant to thing they are talking about" you're so worried about this that you don't listen to the person because your head is full of "don't interrupt don't speak but you must comment to show you are listening so be careful now" and then you think of something and you have to say it immediately before it's forgotten. Because your head was so busy it then seems mis-timed and irrelevant.

It's like having drop dead Fred stand behind you whispering and then he pushes you forward so you blurt it out.

Haha my mum does this!

She doesn't have ADHD, I think it's more to show she's lost interest in whatever I'm talking about.

This describes what it’s like for me!

I haven’t been diagnosed with ADHD as I’ve never been to a GP about anything like that but posts on here about it in recent years describe me totally, and not just in this respect. Days just disappear as I start with a task in mind but then my thoughts go off in different directions and I can end the day having done very little that I was supposed to! The simplest task can take me hours.

I think that sometimes you are listening but a thought just pops into your head while... "Have we got any cheese?"

With ADHD it's more like someone talking about going on holiday, they broke their flight in Germany. They continue talking about the holiday.

Meanwhile in your head you are thinking "ok so Germany Germany, need to show them I'm listening...war, ok but Switzerland were neutral weren't they? Swiss cheese has holes in, I'll say that because it shows I'm listening to the Germany thing"

The result is you bluntly interrupt them as they are talking about sitting round the pool (because they moved on from the Germany thing while you were desperately grasping at conversation straws) with "SO I HAD SWISS CHEESE LAST WEEK AND..."

As you’re close friends this must be a change in behaviour either she has suddenly started interrupting or it’s only now started to irritate you. Either way it’s likely that something has prompted the change. Could it be that’s she’s developed a condition that is causing her new behaviour? Is something happening in your life that is causing you to be less tolerant than you have been?

An honest compassionate conversation would probably resolve this. I hope so as close friends are hard to find

I worked with a woman like this. She would cut across a conversation and start talking about something unrelated. If someone complained she'd say "Sorry I'm autistic" (she may be but she's never had a diagnosis).

A friend does it all the time, she stares at me if I tell her something then says something about something else, I can tell she hasn't listened to anything I've said.

DM used to drive me mad, I'd tell her something that happened, she'd be interrupting and looking out of the window etc. then at the end of what I was saying she'd say What did you say? and expect me to repeat it.

All three are rude. I make sure I don't interrupt, so it's done me a favour.

ADHD isn’t an excuse for interrupting - it may be the reason, but it doesn’t excuse it. Just like being depressed doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be a horrible person (FIL has used the depression excuse before)….. Also people are just assuming OP’s friend has ADHD. I have ADHD and have had depression in the past. OP it just shows that she wasn’t listening to you - your story couldn’t keep her attention - but no one with any compassion who was actually listening to that story would interrupt with something irrelevant. Maybe file her away as someone not to talk about important things with? Friends can fulfil different needs, we can’t be everything to everyone I suppose.

I agree but what this actually means is that someone with ADHD may well disengage from the friendship to avoid being rude as it can be incredibly difficult to mask this.