Is it OK for him to comment on my body?

[Fayruh]

I'll start off by saying I'm quite a slim woman and have few curves (borderline underweight but not). I definitely have some bum though and wear a size 8 clothing. The guy I'm seeing but not formally dating for a long while has expressed he loves a woman with curves and would love it if I gained some weight & got a bigger bum etc. as he loves curvy women. He didn't say this out of the blue as we were talking about fitness BUT it has deeply upset me, as I'm not naturally curvy and dont put on weight easily. He has said this in the past but in a respectful way where he has also expressed how he likes skinny girls too & hasn't made me feel like absolute shite. Now he's just made me feel insecure and just not good enough as that is a standard I will never be able to meet. Tbh I wouldn't have mind it if he said it in a gentler way as I'm trying to gain weight anyway.

AIBU to think that he was being unreasonable to say that?

Don't be with someone who doesn't love you for who you are. If he likes women with a certain body type then he should only date those women.

You don't sound suited.

Seriously? And what does this even signify "guy I'm seeing but not formally dating for a long while"? You don't like him and he doesnt like you, step away.

Please don’t let one stupid comment erase your self esteem. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Yes and no. Depends on context. He may have expressed a preference but he's still with you and unless he sets out to undermine you I wouldn't overthink it. I like beautiful cars but wouldn't swop my mgb for one.

In some ways it says something for your relationship that he is confident enough to tell you.

If you have to change yourself for a man then he’s not the right man.

If he doesn't think it's a fucking privilege to be able to see and touch your body exactly as it is then bin him off.

He's disrespectful.
Read about negging https://www.verywellmind.com/negging-how-to-recognize-and-overcome-it-7098095

Seriously, this treatment isn't good enough. Find someone who treats you properly.

I voted YANBU because anything other than appreciative comments on our bodies is a minefield. BUT ... but, but ... could he be letting you know he'll still appreciate you if you gain weight? So many women get upsetting remarks from men about needing to lose weight. He must be aware of this and, perhaps, wanting to tell you he wouldn't do it.

I dunno - you were there, I wasn't!

You change this then there'll be something else. Or you've put too much weight on and why aren't you like you were when we first met? You've let yourself go. (That's him saying it, not me btw, in case it's not obvious).

Bin him off. You deserve better.

I wouldn't feel insecure I would feel he has the issue not me

Dump him and don't look back.
Not nice.
Not normal.
It's him, not you.
You shouldn't tolerate this for a minute.

Yeah, no.
Fuck him.
Any such comments relating to your body, slim or less, are unacceptable.
I grew up in a different culture and time, no problem with weight and so on but boy,
am I getting pissed off at these things now.
😁

I agree with PP that he’s probably negging you. Either that or he’s wants you to gain weight so there’s less chance of other men being attracted to you.

Ditch, he’s not a keeper

That’s a him issues
not a you issue
don’t forget that!

@TimeForTeaAndG good point although he told he thought me that skinny women are also nice... And now this 🤣

@Overtheatlantic thanks 🥹

Tell him you wish he had a better hairline and then scarper.

@BigFatLiar thanks for your comment, I always appreciate his honesty as he's very honest and open with me which is what I LOVE about him. HOWEVER I thought this might have been a step to far and him asking me to change might have been attempt to undermine me. If you see what I mean...

If you're just 'seeing him', it shouldn't be difficult to get out of. Go find someone who does appreciate the way you are.

@Gettingannoyednow thank you!

@Opentooffers that's true wouldn't be hard... but he has so many good qualities & is such a great person, this just threw me off 😂

Thank you @verycloakanddaggers I didnt know about negging, it certainly looks like it...

Oh dear, so you Love him, but he has no intentions of making you official? Sounds like you're settling for less already, so he's worked out that he can say anything and you'll still 'see him'.