Is it OK for him to comment on my body?

[Fayruh]

I'll start off by saying I'm quite a slim woman and have few curves (borderline underweight but not). I definitely have some bum though and wear a size 8 clothing. The guy I'm seeing but not formally dating for a long while has expressed he loves a woman with curves and would love it if I gained some weight & got a bigger bum etc. as he loves curvy women. He didn't say this out of the blue as we were talking about fitness BUT it has deeply upset me, as I'm not naturally curvy and dont put on weight easily. He has said this in the past but in a respectful way where he has also expressed how he likes skinny girls too & hasn't made me feel like absolute shite. Now he's just made me feel insecure and just not good enough as that is a standard I will never be able to meet. Tbh I wouldn't have mind it if he said it in a gentler way as I'm trying to gain weight anyway.

AIBU to think that he was being unreasonable to say that?

Bloody hell OP! Wake up and ditch him or stay with him until your self esteem no longer exists. As others will explain, it's a technique to undermine you and make you feel insecure so you feel the need to seek reassurance from him. Bin.

Your body isn’t a commodity, how disrespectful

OP, consider doing the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk it helps with boundaries and self esteem in all relationships.

What he is doing is not the actions of a good man.
He is trying to undermine you.
This is not health nor normal.
That you do not fully realise that, makes you vulnerable to manipulation and abuse.
Take this very seriously.

I'm confused by the whole set up.

Why are you dating someone in any capacity that you don't feel an awful lot for. You like him as a friend but that seems to be about it.

Even FWB doesn't fit here as the whole premise of that dictate you fancy the oaths off each other but don't want to be in a relationship. But it doesn't sound like he fancies the pants off you.

I've NEVER been intimately involved with anyone who wasn't tremendously keen on me. I couldn't be bothered. I don't know why anyone would

@BPR thank you for all your advice! @newnamethanks Thank you, that makes perfect sense as I feel like I'm becoming more insecure by the minute

@downwindofyou To clarify, we are not dating, more like FWB than anything else.
See, I thought(!) we were attracted to each other as he's been complimentary in the past about my body and has given me loads of compliments. After reading this thread, I can see that some of those compliments were actually backhanded (negging), but not all of them. He can actually be really sweet so this coming out of the blue has confused me, maybe he is starting to show his true colours.

What's your reason for continuing to see this guy if it's casual and he's made you feel insecure?

Look, i realised whilst dating that a man who feels his need to comment negatively or comparatively on your physicality outweighs your feelings/ politeness tends to be a poor prospect and doesn't care that much or isn't that bright.

Not great company in other words. If he wants a curvier woman, I would free him up to find one. There just isn't any need to comment in that manner. Find someone who is nuts about you, no matter what 'type' he liked in the past.

Who does he think he Is ?
Hell no tell him to fuck off with his opinion