Please talk me down I am going to lose my shit

[Icantpeopleanymore]

Two SEN kids.

Half term with no break.

I'm a teacher so back on Monday and have a massive list to get through before then.

DD is out of school with EBSA, she won't do anything today, barely washed, just started sobbing as she's too tired and I asked her to take her cups and plates out of her room.

Just managed to get DS off YouTube and doing some Lego, he's having a meltdown because he hasn't got enough brown bricks to build the exact tree he wants to. So YouTube is back on.

I'm so depressed and tired and frustrated and fed up.

The house is a fucking tip and I've got a million DIY jobs to finish and it's all just too overwhelming and even the cat is doing my head in because I honestly think she's got ADHD and is autistic too because she don't stop jumping all over me when I'm trying to sit down for two bloody minutes peace.

Trying to deep breathe but I'm seriously going to lose my shit. Even though it's not their fault and they can't help it. So now I feel guilty too.

DD writes to me on a notepad or iPhone notes, would that work for you?

@mathanxiety thank you, yes I know, I keep an eye on it. I am drinking a bit too much but I don't think it's out of control or anything.

If it's not in the house it's not an issue and I mostly do weeknights with no drink at all, if I'm getting into my work tasks I actually quite enjoy that, plus I'll have a bath, or do some drawing or something. It just takes motivation, once I've started I really enjoy it. I'm going to join a thing called sketchbook circle this coming new year, you swap sketchbooks through the post with someone, it'll give me a deadline to be creative which weirdly I need. That'll help. Busy hands and all that.

@ImRonBurgandy it's worth a try. I get all information my snooping her tiktok, or up until a year ago, checking her phone. That's when I found out yesterday that her trans friends at school had been excluding her (she's thought she was trans or non binary for about 3 years) when she realised that she's lesbian and had thrown herself into being who she wanted to be, growing her hair, wearing feminine clothes. They've dropped her and have made it really difficult for her to be at school as I think they gave her a bit of an armour against all the stuff she finds difficult. She'd posted about it on tiktok...I think today is partly a reaction to that as I told her I knew.

She sometimes communicates by WhatsApp but not much. She'll just ignore it if it's too much to handle. She is situational mute too so it's really bloody hard work. I know teens are but this is another level.

Hi. I feel your pain, I have an autistic 18 year old ds, a 6 year old autistic ds and an 11 year old dd with an eating disorder and ocd. No advice only you have my sympathy x

I have two boys with autism @Icantpeopleanymore and it can be an insane amount of stress.

My older boy has some issues with demand avoidance and I’ve found the way I phrase things makes a massive difference. No idea if this would help but it works for us:

’I’m finished in the bathroom so you can brush your teeth now’ rather than ‘have you brushed your teeth? No? Can you do it now?’

’dinner’s ready - if you have any dishes up there pop them down and swap with your dinner’

Etc.

It’s infuriating sometimes but it’s what he needs.

I am exceptionally fortunate in having support from a PT nanny, PIL, and DH is an equal parent.

Doing it as a single parent would absolutely break me. You are doing a phenomenal job.

You probably know this but PDA is all about anxiety. If you think of their reaction to a demand as a panic attack rather than defiance etc it makes it so much easier to deal with. It isn't personal either.

So best thing is to never make a direct demand. Things got so much better for my daughter when she didn't have to go to school or college.

Also, my older boy has started specialist secondary. Several kids in his class have all refused school in the past but are happily attending now. We’ve not had a single day of wheedling not to go in etc. I appreciate it’s not easy but the right school is transformative.

@Merryoldgoat that's so great to hear. I just can't see it happening for DD, she's in year 10, an EHCP could take till the end of the year, she's very against changing school but I think she just needs time. Which living in Kent and with them being notorious for refusing, she just might get..