Would you let your child lose so another can win?

[AmberElla1]

Tongue in cheek but a parent has asked if i could let her child win at something because mine has won before. I should add, this is a really small school game so nothing big but i also know that this parent thinks im a soft touch. I like the other child in question so i do feel a bit bad! I also dont want to just force mine to lose on purpose when they clearly want to win.

I always had to pass on the pass the parcel if I'd already had a prize :(

Depends. If it’s something involving talent or skill or hard work then no: it’s terrible for self-esteem and confidence for children not to have this acknowledged and to see somebody else being recognised when they haven’t actually achieved something (and not great for children falsely awarded as they get older and get out into the real world and begin to realise that life works differently.) If it’s something akin to pass the parcel and having to pass it on if you’ve already had a prize as PP said, involving luck or chance, then less of an issue - but also entirely up to you whether you want to, and nobody should be making DC feel as though they should.

Surely that’s up to your child? S/he isn’t a puppet!

No I wouldn't. I'm all for letting really young children win sometimes, but by the time children are school age they should know that children are good at different things.

No I wouldn't. I have 4 dc and all of them have different strengths and weaknesses. Part of growing up is learning you can't be good at everything. The only time I've fixed things is so my child doesn't win at their own parties or if they were very small and we played a game.

What lesson does this teach your child, or the one who can't win without someone letting them?

I'd say no. I'm not starting that conversation that my child needs to hold themselves back so the ones in the back can keep up.

This. A sport, absolutely fucking not.

pass the parcel is the opposite. If youve already won and dont pass on, yabu.

Under no circumstances.

Obviously not!!
Ds had a bowling party recently and the organisers asked who I wanted the trophy to go to. Ds or the actual winner of the game. The actual winner of course.. In life why would people strive hard to be the winner for someone to swoop in and take it? Bonkers.. Another sign of an entitled world.. And entitled bloody dc /teens /adults... You can't seriously be pandering to this shit op?

I think that's always been the way though in pass the parcel. Usually the adults know who's already had a prize and stop the music accordingly.

Why is she asking you? Is it a parent and child thing?

One of life's great lessons, putting somebody else first to your own detriment.

I think that's quite normal isn't it? We always did it this way too, so everyone had a prize.

Nope, not if they're the same age and there's no extenuating circumstances. I don't believe in letting kids win, life isn't like that and we all have different strengths and areas we can excel at, and learning that you cant always win and the art of losing with dignity are life skills imo.

Don't get me wrong, when my 15yo plays sports with my 9yo and friends he naturally handicaps himself to give them a chance or if a child has special needs my kids will be kind and allow extra time but I'd certainly never tell them.to lose because another parent wanted to fix it for their kid. The harsh reality of life is not everyone is a winner and it's our job to teach kids that's OK by modelling the right behaviour,not by just letting them.win.

That’s the pass the parcel rule though.

Id probably say no, but depends on what the competition is.

It depends on so much, the age of the children, the nature of the game.

I don't think it's necessarily awful to say some things you have won it once and it would mean so much to X why don't you let them win. But I don't know how easy it would be to make it clear to dc that this only applies to very meaningless games... and obviously meaningless to an adult isn't the same as meaningless to dc!

No. Make your own way in life.

Absolutely this 😒
No way would I agree.

Imagine growing up and realising all of your achievements were because mummy 'cheated 'on you behalf.....

I wouldn’t. It sends a really negative message to your child about trying their best etc

I wouldn't request that my child deliberately lose.

But I know when I was little and had parties at home with games (pass the parcel, musical statues etc) my mum would ensure that every child won something. And I think that was reasonable with a group of 5 year olds.

I absolutely would not. That being said DS is generally considerate of other children's feelings and I've seen him tank a game to let a younger one win! So I'd probably have a conversation with him about how much X wanted to win, and let him take it from there.

Absolutely not,

What a horrible message to give to your child.

All children should compete to the best of their ability. Think it's different to a game like pass the parcel which is entirely chance and designed to give out prizes

No! Unless it's a board game and you're playing with a younger /SEN child I would not ask mine to loose.
I would laugh out loud if a mum asked me to tell my child to loose. I would seriously think it was a joke, are you sure this is not the case?

Absolutely not. Don’t train your child to be a “people pleaser” who gives demanding, selfish people what they want and disadvantages themselves and their family.