Would you let your child lose so another can win?

[AmberElla1]

Tongue in cheek but a parent has asked if i could let her child win at something because mine has won before. I should add, this is a really small school game so nothing big but i also know that this parent thinks im a soft touch. I like the other child in question so i do feel a bit bad! I also dont want to just force mine to lose on purpose when they clearly want to win.

Not a chance!

Well that's totally fair enough surely the whole point iof pass the parcel is that parents sort it out so that everyone gets a go and that lucky/grabby/annoying kid that won't let go of the parcel quickly doesn't get loads.

I would say no OP.

Pass the parcel and star or the week are an exception to this!

They can be far more perceptive than adults give them credit for.

At the same time 'everyone will get it' can be a good thing if used to genuinely reward what kids have done off their own backs. Or maybe, 'almost' everyone will get it. Things like looking out for a classmate, etc.

Forcing the absolute 'everyone' , including making up a frivolous reasons for kids who are aggressive, disruptive etc and don't do anything good will have the opposite effect.

Absolutely not. The best performance should win. You will wreck your child's self esteem if you somehow make them lose so a less talented kid can 'win'. Kids are not stupid. They know who is the best at different things. Kids usually accept it. It's the parents who can't cope with their kid not winning.

Definitely not. Because you'd have to tell your child to do it and they almost certainly would tell someone - because children really can't keep a secret.

You child should not have to suffer/do worse than she is capable of because another parent is unable to parent her child properly - even a young child needs to learn life isn't fair, others will not do worse so you can succeed and that everyone has their 'niche' and they must find theirs.

Im keeping her out of competitions for now - she’s in with 9year olds for her classes but she’s only three! I don’t think she’s emotionally ready even through she’s got the physical ability- trying to keep it fun for her for as long as possible rather than putting any pressure on her. If she wants to get into competitions when she’s a bit older, I’ll absolutely support her.

I agree that star of the week is meant to motivate but - at least when I hear them after class- they definitely seem to treat it as a competition!

I agree wholeheartedly with giving praise where it is due, and would show my appreciation of kindness to peers, persistence of sticking with a difficult task, showing enthusiasm etc, but they will soon sniff out hypocrisy.
We had a system where pupils who achieved success outside school could bring their award into school to be presented again in assembly, acknowledging that they had a life outside the school, and talents not recognised there, like excelling at skiing over half-term, growing prize vegetables with grandad or competing in a fencing team, showed that we all had different gifts to offer.
One child brought in the Cub Scout of the Week award he had been awarded, and although everybody applauded politely, you could almost hear the collective intake of breath when it was announced, knowing him as they did.

Yes, but that's his parents' job. I was looking after him for an afternoon, I wasn't responsible for teaching him how to behave. Do you take responsibility for teaching your children's friends?

No😂

I take responsibility for not undoing any progress they may have made and making matters worse. But yeah, he'll just know your boundaries next time too!

Not a cat's chance in hell. If my child has put in work and effort, then they should recieve the rewards for it!

I remember as a kid, I'd written a short story and my teacher took me aside. She asked if I'd "let" another child win because they were upset about their ideas. I said fine, but I wasn't happy because I'd put loads of effort in and at age 7 it just feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth. Especially when the other kid was smug afterwards!

At least I was asked though! No way would I make my kids experience that, and I'd absolutely not make the choice for them. Life doesn't work that way, I'm afraid, and I'm not teaching my kids how to be people pleasers.

Some people are good at some things. I'm awful at maths. You wouldn't catch me asking for a fake award in that.

Don't be ridiculous, it's a child, he doesn't come with an instruction manual.

Not a chance - fascinated to learn how old the children are?

No. There are always people faster, brighter, better looking. Learn this young. If you 'let' this child win (how could you? Surely your child will eventually tell the other one) how will she ever learn? Or they of course will, when the next child/mum doesn't feel the need to lie about things.